A visual aid to the outside temperature
Stick your tit out of the door love,and check the nippleometer, i want to see if i should wear my hat
To sniff and enjoy an attractive girls seat when she has got up to dance the Foxtrot or other ballroom classics.
Richard clocked Doris getting up to dance the tango and saddled over to her seat; he dropped his hanky near Doris' chair, bent down and stuck his nose where her pert bottom had been for 30 minutes then started Neeping. " Phew that is a bit tart, but enjoyable to say the least" Said Richard
The nanna navigator, when your Nan
is a passenger and constantly tells you to go down this road and that road because that's where Doris or Mabel live or to go down a certain street because she hasn't been there for years; to tell you the wrong way to the warfarin clinic
Sorry i'm late Doctor Foster, the Sat Nan
took me to Enid Van Crumpet`s house for a cup of tea and then directed me to memory lane where she lost her cherry
Occurs when you have nip out of a meeting to take a piss, except during the piss a shit comes on and you have slope off into the shithouse; which in turn causes a shite delay in returning to the meeting.
Sorry i'm late boss, i went for a piss which turned into a shit; i'm really sorry for the shite delay
The appearance of a lavatory bowl post flush, after an apocalyptic shit. With numerous brown smears going off in all directions.
Pooooh Kevin, why don't you clean the toilet after a shite, it looks like Winston Churchill's ashtray!!
A name for the v shape of a minge, or hairy gash, similar to the shape of Robin Hood's Hat
"Oh sweet Maid Marion may i remove your under crackers?"
"Yes oh evil sheriff of Nottingham and make it quick, i'm foaming at the gash"
"My word Maid Marion, the shape of your minge looks rather like Robin Hood's hat!!!"
Someone or something that is utterly useless
"That fat fuckers running shoes are as much use as a glass tampax."
"My grandads love rifle is as much use as a glass tampax, cos he's dead"
"The spunk stain on the IVF clinic carpet is as much use as a glass tampon"