A Jew(Hebrew) who has been contracted by a goy to assemble Christmas gifts that do not come prefabricated. Though the Gentile client, usually an affluent father, has the competency to construct said gifts for his children on Christmas morn, he is often too hung over from the previous night’s eggnog consumption to have the patience and/or focus to follow the complex instructions. This is where the Semite comes into play. Because of the unimportance of the Christian holiday to the Judeo-contractor, he is available, clear-headed, and willing to work for a reasonable price. Well, reasonable according to his people’s standards. I mean, if you wanted to find a Jewish tradesman that didn’t gouge the goyim, you’d have to build a time machine and travel back to Jesus times. Anyway, Adam Carolla coined it on January 4, 2016 on the "Adam Carolla Show."
Crafty Jews Inc. employee: Crafty Jews, let us work while you snooze.
Adam: Hi, I’m Adam Carolla. I saw your ad in the “Rich Whitey Gazette.”
CJ employee: Yes, how may I help you, sir?
Adam: Well I’d like to hire someone to put up a zipline in my backyard for my 9-year-old daughter? Now your Jews, are they mechanically inclined?
CJ employee: Sir, all our guys are Hebus Erectus Certified. We import the finest laborers from Israel.
Adam: That’s good. ‘Cause the last thing I need is one of those domesticated, Woody Allen-type Jews coming over here.
CJ employee: Sir, I can assure you, we would never send a Woody Allen-type Jew where there are prepubescent girls. We will send the most blue-collared, salt of the Earth Jew we can find. Think Bruce Springsteen.
Adam: Well you know, he’s not Jewish. You guys always claim him as one of your own but…uh
CJ employee: Ok, well we’ve got one that looks like Eli Roth.
Adam: Jesus, I want a zipline put up, not my children to be beaten to death with a baseball bat.
CJ employee: Ok, ok. Hmm, well you bring up baseball? We have a guy built like Sandy Koufax, smart as Einstein.
Adam: That’s my guy. Send him over, Christmas morn at 8.
CJ employee: Will do Mr. Carolla. Thank you for choosing us for your Hebus Erectus needs.
Adam: Well you are the Chosen people.
CJ employee: Ha, you sure you’re not a Jew?
Adam: To be honest, I’ve got two Jews here passing me jokes on Post-Its. They’re part of your Hebus Punch-up-us line.
carolla
Adam: Hi, I’m Adam Carolla. I saw your ad in the “Rich Whitey Gazette.”
CJ employee: Yes, how may I help you, sir?
Adam: Well I’d like to hire someone to put up a zipline in my backyard for my 9-year-old daughter? Now your Jews, are they mechanically inclined?
CJ employee: Sir, all our guys are Hebus Erectus Certified. We import the finest laborers from Israel.
Adam: That’s good. ‘Cause the last thing I need is one of those domesticated, Woody Allen-type Jews coming over here.
CJ employee: Sir, I can assure you, we would never send a Woody Allen-type Jew where there are prepubescent girls. We will send the most blue-collared, salt of the Earth Jew we can find. Think Bruce Springsteen.
Adam: Well you know, he’s not Jewish. You guys always claim him as one of your own but…uh
CJ employee: Ok, well we’ve got one that looks like Eli Roth.
Adam: Jesus, I want a zipline put up, not my children to be beaten to death with a baseball bat.
CJ employee: Ok, ok. Hmm, well you bring up baseball? We have a guy built like Sandy Koufax, smart as Einstein.
Adam: That’s my guy. Send him over, Christmas morn at 8.
CJ employee: Will do Mr. Carolla. Thank you for choosing us for your Hebus Erectus needs.
Adam: Well you are the Chosen people.
CJ employee: Ha, you sure you’re not a Jew?
Adam: To be honest, I’ve got two Jews here passing me jokes on Post-Its. They’re part of your Hebus Punch-up-us line.
carolla
by griffin_t_a April 20, 2016
Get the Hebus Erectusmug. A professional who specializes in a system of therapy that involves treating the patient, often suffering from a personality disorder, with a dose of common-sensical advice aimed at adjusting said character flaws. This is usually done by questioning their motivations and career/financial goals while refraining from practicing negative reinforcement or punishment. Most patients resist and therefore continue down their current destructive path. Coined by Superfan Giovanni Giorgio on the Adam Carolla Show(1/17/13).
Adam Carolla: Hey Tara, when you screen the calls for tonight's Loveline, can you limit the suicide ones, please?
(Tara laughs while watching "The Simpsons" on TV)
Adam Carolla: HEY!! Let's focus. You've got a job to do. Now I was saying I'd like less-
Tara: You're not my boss!!
Adam Carolla: Whoa, someone's in desperate need of an emotional chiropractor.
(Tara laughs while watching "The Simpsons" on TV)
Adam Carolla: HEY!! Let's focus. You've got a job to do. Now I was saying I'd like less-
Tara: You're not my boss!!
Adam Carolla: Whoa, someone's in desperate need of an emotional chiropractor.
by griffin_t_a January 24, 2013
Get the emotional chiropractormug.