15 definitions by griffin_t_a

Top Definition
A person of color who is interchangeable with another person of color. It was coined by comedian Adam Carolla on his podcast "The Adam Carolla Show" on 9/11/12.
Person A: Oh no, I heard Michael Clarke Duncan kicked the bucket. I wonder who they'll get to play Kingpin in "Daredevil 2."
Person B: Well, let's see. Ving Rhames, Terry Crews, hell, even Jim Brown. All good blacksimiles.
by griffin_t_a September 15, 2012

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(from Highfalutin-free) A product or culinary creation’s optimal state of existence that avoids crossing the threshold into being unnecessarily complicated or exotically flavorful as to diminish the maker’s intended experience for the consumer, which is to deliver the expected purpose or sensory stimulation. The term was coined by comedian, Adam Carolla, on “The Adam Carolla Show” podcast(January 23, 2014).
Stewardess(Over PA): On today’s flight, we will be serving a pomegranate, thyme and goat-cheese pizza with a side avocado and mango salad tossed in passion fruit vinaigrette OR a turkey sandwich.

(minutes later)

Stewardess: Which would you like, sir?

Adam: Can you tell me about the turkey sandwich?

Stewardess: Sir?

Adam: Well I’d just like to know if it’s falutin-free or if the chef who made it was jacking off, you know, like he did with the pizza.
by griffin_t_a January 24, 2014

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A strong, alcoholic drink that radio host, Adam Carolla, concocts using leftover red wine, preferably Sledgehammer, and Jeremiah Weed’s 90 Proof Cherry Mash Bourbon. Amounts vary, but usually the addition of the Bourbon is an act of desperation meant to prolong the inebriation and therefore constitutes the majority of the mixed drink.
Nothing beats watching SportsCenter and sipping some homemade mangria...ah, delightful.
by griffin_t_a February 15, 2011

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A politician, usually of color, who overcame what they claim is an unfair system, mostly through hard work, and now, seeking election/re-election, panders to the underprivileged masses by promising to overthrow said unfair system which, paradoxically, allowed him to rise to power. Coined by Adam Carolla on 11/7/12.
(Slap bass solo accompanied by mouth noises)
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

George: That Obama sure has overcome extreme oppression, adversity, and discrimination to become Leader of the Free World.

Jerry: Well, maybe the fact that a guy from his background has flourished in what so many claim is a rigged system proves it's not so rigged after all.

Elaine: Of course it's still rigged. You don't see a female President.

Jerry: Yeah, well maybe Obama will unrig it for you.

(Kramer enters)

Elaine: Hey Kramer, what do you think? Is Obama an unrigger?

Kramer: (pauses) Look, I just came to borrow some milk.

(Slap Bass Outro)
by griffin_t_a November 07, 2012

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The most scientific scale known to man for rating the desired mouth-to-phallus ratio during the practice of oral sex. On one end of the spectrum, we have Bernadette Peters with a diminutive mouth. We'll assign her oral cavity a value of .99 carollas (unit of measurement named after Adam Carolla, a pioneer in the field of Phallometry, whose Water-Displacement Method is now the standard throughout the Penile Sciences). Multiplying this value by the average human penis size (100 carollas) yields a Carolla Psychological Satisfaction (or C.P.S.) score of 99 aces (as in, "That's just aces!"). On the other end of the spectrum, we have the less desirable orifice of Sandra Bernhard measuring .01 carollas. Once again, multiplying this value by 100 yields a score of 1 ace. This indicates that the experience of inserting the male member into Bernhard's mammoth mouth for the purpose of fellatio, while perhaps physically pleasurable, is overshadowed by the pride-shattering effects.
Monica Lewinsky: Hey, Bill, you want a BJ?

President Clinton: (covers mouthpiece of the phone he's holding) Monica, I'm on the phone with a Congressman. Sorry about that sir. (inaudible chatter from phone) Yeah, just some intern I'm banging. About a 7. But you should see the mouth on her. (more inaudible chatter) What's the Bernadette-Bernhard scale? (more chatter) Adam who? Oh, I love Birchum.

Monica Lewinsky: Bill, I'm wearing that blue dress you like.

President Clinton: Congressman, I've gotta go. But you've sure given me something to think about. Maybe I'll just work her over with a cigar.

Morgan Freeman Narrator: But he didn't. Well he did. But he also got oral. Completely rejecting the principles of the Bernadette-Bernhard scale. Two things were lost that day: America's innocence, and the confidence of the pretty well-endowed Leader of the Free World. It just goes to show you, some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are too bright. But in such a massive cage, who can see a bird anyway? Get it on. Got to get it on. No choice but to get it on. Mandate, get it on.
by griffin_t_a September 25, 2014

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The time period when a dereliction of duty occurs. Often, an ordinarily prudent member of an organization who normally exercises the level of care generally required for their position, will request that a window of negligence be granted by their superior due to time constraints or logistical complications. The partaker, in essence, is asking for a limited-time exemption from their expected responsibilities or in some cases, after dereliction has already occurred, leniency from their superior in regards to punishment for said subpar job performance that would’ve taken place within the window. The phrase was coined by Matt Fondiler on the 4/19/16 episode of “The Adam Carolla Show.”
INT. BRIDGE OF TITANIC – APRIL 14, 1912 02:40 GMT

(Captain rushes onto the bridge)

Captain: What was that scraping sound I heard while I was in the bathroom?

First mate: Sir, I think we hit an iceberg.

Captain: You think?! Weren’t you at the helm?

First mate: Er…uh…

Captain: Well weren’t you?!!

Second mate: I know where he was Captain.

First mate: You fink!!

Second mate: I may be a fink but at least I’m not some sexual deviant who gets his rocks off watching scrawny, working-class lads plow Rubenesque socialites in the backs of Renault CB Coupe de Villes down in the cargo hold.

First mate: I was merely protecting our passengers’ property.

Second mate: Yeah, then why was your dick in your hand?

Captain: Enough!! This is clearly my fault.

First mate: Now now, Captain.

Captain: No, I should’ve given you a smaller window of negligence while I dropped the Cosby kids off at the pool.

First mate: Cosby?

Captain: He’s a negro rapist in the future who played a beloved pussy doctor on telev---Nevermind that. Ready the lifeboats!
by griffin_t_a September 23, 2016

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A professional who specializes in a system of therapy that involves treating the patient, often suffering from a personality disorder, with a dose of common-sensical advice aimed at adjusting said character flaws. This is usually done by questioning their motivations and career/financial goals while refraining from practicing negative reinforcement or punishment. Most patients resist and therefore continue down their current destructive path. Coined by Superfan Giovanni Giorgio on the Adam Carolla Show(1/17/13).
Adam Carolla: Hey Tara, when you screen the calls for tonight's Loveline, can you limit the suicide ones, please?

(Tara laughs while watching "The Simpsons" on TV)

Adam Carolla: HEY!! Let's focus. You've got a job to do. Now I was saying I'd like less-

Tara: You're not my boss!!

Adam Carolla: Whoa, someone's in desperate need of an emotional chiropractor.
by griffin_t_a January 24, 2013

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