14 definitions by gadiv

Like a snowball rolling down a mountain, growing ever larger as it continues toward the bottom, a wikipedia snowball occurs when one researches something on the wikipedia, only to then click link after link into subsequent articles of interest until, suddenly, several hours have passed.
Jim: "I'm sorry I'm late, I got caught in a wikipedia snowball. I was looking for information on the new James Bond movie and suddenly four hours had passed. On the bright side, now I know what happens in Marvel Zombies, I can tell you how astronomers gauge the temperature of stars, and why World War I started."

Jim's Boss: "You're still fired."

Jim: "Fuck."
by gadiv March 20, 2008
The love of knowledge and the love of seeking it, then producing exhaustive writings of exhausting and inept metaphors, being refuted by another philosopher's exhausting and inept metaphors, then replying in rebuttal to challengers, ad nauseum. While one of the most noble intellectual pursuits, it is also one of the most masturbatory.
Summa Philosophia: Key Figures in Philosophy, Summarized in 500 Words or Less

Nietzsche = Woot, but mighta had bad thoughts about family members.

Socrates = Straight up gangsta, dat nigga drank any drank put in frunna him.

Plato = Overrated heir apparent of Socrates that screwed up Science for more than a thousand years with First Principles and other useless crap.

Aristotle = Reincarnated some time later into Gene Wilder.

Aquinas = Justified Catholic bullshit from a very comfy chair.

Confucius = Had the same PR agent as Jesus and gets all sorts of cool stuff attributed to him.

Augustine = Converted to Christianity early enough that he was one of the religion's editors - he gave you the God you "know" now by stealing heavily from Plato.

Descartes = Brought intellectualism to new highs and degrees of convolution by rationalizing things instead of pulling new crazy shit out of his ass.

Kant = Changed Minds. No, really - he changed them from being viewed as a cup that sorta just fills up with experiences into a filter and interpreter of sensory data. A computer rather than a trashcan.

Kierkegaard = Brought angst to the forefront of philosophy and did ultimately dehumanizing things that lead to quantifying peoples' lives in terms like "The Average Person spends 1/3rd of his Life Asleep" and other damning, mope-infested whinings about escapism and wasting time. Waste of Time? Kierkegaard.

Lao Tzu = The Asian Sensation. Tao De Ching is a quick read with little novel and even useful tidbits. Like a compilation of fortune cookie fortunes, but better.

John Locke = Shared a few basic principles with Kant. The mind is a house furnished with experiences and sensory input.

Karl Marx = History is the record of class conflict, material interests, and the exchange and exploitation involving them. Philosophy should not just interpret the world, but shape it.

Pascal = Somehow made the first mechanical calculator at age 15 in 1642. Beat that, fuckers. Sadly, he abandoned supermathgenius for philosophy, probably shooting all of humanity in the foot in the process, but he at least contributed to scientific investigation.

Spinoza = Ultimately just another dude that desperately needs God to exist in some fashion, but wrote avidly of ethics and against traditional religious views. Interest in his writing persists in modern environmentalists and ecologists.

Hume = Related the mind in terms of perception (impressions), processing and memory (idea). Like a bunch of other dudes. It was inevitable, really, but thanks for getting your papers in on time. ;D

Leibniz = Desperately tried to resolve The Problem of Evil so that God could be both Omnipotent and Benevolent at the same time and totally looked retarded for it. Voltaire totally burned him in Candide for it.



The ultimate lesson of Philosophy that you will never find in these old dead guys' writing is this: You utilize what is useful and discard what is not. No one has the answer and if someone somehow did, no one else would believe it or realize it. Walk your own way and try not to step on other peoples' toes. Wear comfortable shoes. Bring water.
by gadiv January 09, 2009
A portmanteau of the words "seppuku" and "bukkake" meaning the act of ritual suicide by facial.

The seppukkake is performed after the practitioner has prepared his soul to leave the mortal coil through meditative rituals that vary from culture to culture, after which the practitioner typically submits to the seed. The seed is usually donated by honored guests and assistants, as this greatly increases the probability of seppukkake success through an abundance of volume, but the ritual is often performed alone and in secret by practitioners who are particularly dishonored. These latter practitioners have a much higher rate of failure and are regularly discovered in their homes' closets or bathrooms, much to their dismay, by parents, siblings, or spouses, and the practitioner then lives in further dishonor.

In historical context, it is believed that the legendary Musashi Hamtaro, after being bested in a duel in Japan some eight hundred years ago, committed ritual suicide by seppukkake to end his life's dishonor.
Nick very nearly performed seppukkake one night when his wife accidentally shot him in the eye with his own ejaculation. That will teach him to lay down for a handjob.
by gadiv October 03, 2007
The Martuna (Original Recipe)

In a shaker, over ice, combine:

1 part Vodka or Gin,
1 part Dry Vermouth,
1 part Liquid from a Can of Solid White Albacore Tuna (Bumblebee preferrable)
Quarter Teaspoon of Lemon Juice (per every 1 part Dry Vermouth)

Shake vigorously. Strain into martini glass(es) and garnish with shrimp (de-shelled, preferrably steamed).

Enjoy within the proximity of a bucket, trash receptacle, or toilet, as such sophisticated flavors may disagree with mundane palates.
After an evening of perusing the local art galleries, we retired for the evening to the members' lounge and chatted over Martunas long into the night.
by gadiv October 03, 2007
Male genitalia.
I'm heading to the club tonight to get some stinky on my hang dangle.
by gadiv January 08, 2009
An amusing, "clean" insult featured in Orbit gum commercials as part of their "Dirty Mouth? Clean it up with Orbit" promotion that highlighted the gum's approval by the American Dental Association and Indian Dental Association due to its ability to improve dental health.

The cleanly insulting "donkey door" is probably a replacement for "asshole" as donkeys are also called asses and doors are portals, or holes.
Why don't you check your donkey door?
by gadiv November 03, 2009
Foreplay technique, performed by inserting one's hand or fist into a partner's anus and rectum, to the wrist, then inquiring as to what time it is.
Rob performed The Rusty Watch on Kathleen, pushing his hand betwixt her buttocks to his wrist, then asked of her the time of day, to which she cordially responded "Ohhh - it's ... it's like 2:30 or something... mmm."
by gadiv January 18, 2009

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