bromp's definitions

Fartistic Licence

The art of creatively reshaping the true facts concerning a past release of Carbon Dibaxide

"Mr Darcy, I find it most difficult to credit your assertion that Miss bennet was responsible for the beefy eggo that cleared the dance floor not five minutes ago.. For one thin, the miasma concerned was distinctly reminiscent of the casserole I observed you yourself consuming last night, whereas I have it on good authority that Miss Bennet is a vegetarian. If that was Fartistic Licence, Darcy, then it was dashed bad form."

by bromp February 18, 2010

Stealth bummer

A man who has successfully concealed his sexuality to take advantage of his heterosexual friends.

Bert - "The pub went queer under the new owner, our lawyer friend. No more real beer, no more blazing fire. Now it's strictly for "style conscious gentlemen" only.

Bill - "Yeah we're done for now - nowhere left to go in the village. Sad. And we thought Mike was one of us. He was just casing the joint. Look at it now - all mirrors and pictures of fucking male pop stars and stuff and shitty music."

Bert - "Makes you sick. Our last real watering hole taken out by a stealth bummer!"

by bromp December 18, 2007

mortar

To "sit on a mortar" is to suffer the consequences of a 'dirty bomb' detonation.

"Unfortunately Your Highness, my husband had some dodgy prawn chimichongas for lunch and has sat on a mortar, thus he will not be able to attend tea."

by bromp December 9, 2008

Uri Geller Smeller

A Uri Geller Smeller is named after the man who claimed he could bend spoons and stop clocks just by looking at them, and is the result of a violent incident of "sitting on a mortar" after a bad curry, when the foul miasma emanates from the WC and works its way around the house bending spoons and stopping clocks as it goes.

Postman: "I shouldn't go to number 10 Downing Street with your warrant just yet without a gas mask, Officer. There's been an incident, a real Uri Geller Smeller."

by bromp March 19, 2008

velcrofart

a Velcrofart describes the situation where, to pluck an example out of thin air, a bloke called Binkie has been ordered out of the Dandy Lion Arms, because the fumes from his Arse are upsetting the licensee's children, but when he re-enters the bar, the gut-wrenching stench follows him back in.

Bert - Christ who ripped that one?
Sam - Oh No! Binkie's dropped another velcrofart; they stick to him like Bud Flanagan used to stick to Chesney Allen ...

by bromp April 16, 2009

Pavlov's Log

The Magna Farta defines Pavlov's Log as the "conditioned reflex action causing one's Bomb Bay to start opening upon seeing a Restroom. From the famous Russian psychologist Ernst Pavlov, who rang a bell every time his dog done a Shit."

" I am sorry, Your Honour, that the Defendant has not yet appeared. He is not however absent in Contempt of Court as I am able to instruct the Jury that Pavlov's Log is held and recongized by the Court as Mitigating Curcimstances. In mitigation, my client has just called me by cellphone from the Courtroom Shitehouse with the message: "I'd give it another 10 minutes if I were you".

by bromp April 10, 2008