al benedict's definitions

Henny Youngman solution

Telling someone that the solution to a problem is to simply not do anything that exposes the flaw that causes the problem. From the old Henny Youngman joke: "Doctor, it hurts when I do this!" "Don't do that." Usually, but not always, associated with computers.

"The program crashes when I try to print!"
"Don't try to print."
"Do you have a real solution or just a Henny Youngman solution?"

by Al Benedict January 4, 2008

Prefix Rock

In theory, any form of Rock and Roll that requires a prefix to add focus: Emo Rock, Folk Rock, Punk Rock etc. In practice, a term used to describe a form of rock music that the speaker doesn't consider "authentic".

I'm so sick of Prefix Rock. Gimme some of the real stuff, like Springsteen!

by Al Benedict April 4, 2008

patriot bruise

A bruise that consists of an inner white circle (dead skin) surrounded by a blue ring (regular bruise) surrounded by a red ring (pissed off capillaries).

Red, white and blue. Get it?

A badge of honor in close contact, high velocity sports like Racquetball.

"I got a patriot bruise on my calf playing Ralph last weekend".
"Holy crap. So you did."

by Al Benedict October 18, 2020

Loud Pipes

The only concession to safety that a motorcycle needs. Time was, you were expected to wear visible clothing and a helmet and drive predictably. Now it's OK to dress completely in black (no helmet) and pop in and out of lanes at will. As long as you have really loud, low pitched, non-directional exhaust noise.

Loud pipes endanger lives.

"Boy, these loud pipes rock. Everybody takes their eyes off the road to figure out where the hell the racket is coming from and get into massive pileups. Then I just drive around the mess."

by Al Benedict June 4, 2013

bring the nuke

Resort to extreme measures. A metaphor for putting aside conventional weapons and using nuclear ones.

"They aren't taking the hint? OK, time to bring the nuke and tell them to cut it out or we'll drag them off the premises."

by Al Benedict January 15, 2022

Total Existence Failure

When something malfunctions by virtue of not existing at all. Taken (but not precisely) from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". In the original usage, a spaceship existed for a while and then spontaneously disappeared.

Bob: Can I borrow your car?
Bill: Nope. Sorry. It's having a total existence failure.

by Al Benedict October 22, 2009

Common Sense

A phrase used by someone who wants any critical analysis of what they are saying to stop immediately.

"Global warming can't exist because it was cold last winter. That's just common sense."

by Al Benedict June 11, 2009