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al benedict's definitions

Hairless Ape

A member of the species Homo Sapiens, esp. when being discussed in a way that only makes sense in an anthropological context. Popularized by Howard the Duck.
You means buying flowers actually made it worse? Damn, Hairless Ape relationships are such a pain.
by Al Benedict October 2, 2008
mugGet the Hairless Apemug.

implosive

Describes someone who reacts to criticism by becoming quiet and withdrawn. As opposed to explosive, which means that they "explode" into anger.

Usually introverts are implosive and extroverts are explosive, but neither of those are a rule.
Bob: You made a mistake over here.
Bill: (Silence)
Bob: Feeling implosive today, are we?
by Al Benedict June 15, 2011
mugGet the implosivemug.

Ninja Proofing

Setting up your house to ward off long term ninja infestations. It's considered impossible to keep ninjas out entirely. In fact, attempting to do so can attract their attention and just make the problem worse.

1) Coat the walls and ceilings with steel backed teflon. If the steel isn't thick enough, they can still use their claws. Make sure it's at least a 1/4 inch thick.
2) Install random rotating magnets. This makes it difficult to throw shurikens accurately.
3) Set up a DVD of old "Kung Fu" reruns in infinite reply. Warning: This may cause Seppuku incidents, which are really messy. Take my word on it. Spread plastic in front of the TV.

Avoid using pirates. I know it's tempting, but they're worse than ninjas (really loud and smelly and treasure chests are hard to find).
Bob: Where were you last weekend?
Bill: Sorry, spent all day Saturday Ninja Proofing.
by Al Benedict December 3, 2010
mugGet the Ninja Proofingmug.

Security by Banality

A computer system made secure by obviously containing nothing of interest. Never a protection against pranksters, in the age of Zombie Spammers, this concept is mostly obsolete.
I protected Mom's computer by installing Windows 98 on it and putting up a thick firewall of bundt cake recipes. True Security by Banality.
by Al Benedict April 9, 2008
mugGet the Security by Banalitymug.

tauntbary

A music library (iTunes or otherwise) that's visible to your roommates or coworkers, but due to firewalls or DRM restrictions, contains nothing that can be played.
Bob: Bill just shared his iTunes library. Let's take a look.

Bob: Dammit. Another tauntbary.
by Al Benedict December 20, 2012
mugGet the tauntbarymug.

cryptonimby

Someone that is terribly, terribly offended at the very thought of being accused of being a NIMBY, but refuses on the grounds of "reasonable concerns" to allow any development in their area.
"OMG. The Traffic!"

"Been studied. It will be fine."

"OMG. The Sewage!"

"We're only using 1/3 of what we have."

"OMG! My view!"

"Of what? You won't even be able see it through your trees."

"Why are you being this way?"

"Because you're a total cryptonimby"
by Al Benedict October 26, 2018
mugGet the cryptonimbymug.

Common Sense

A phrase used by someone who wants any critical analysis of what they are saying to stop immediately.
"Global warming can't exist because it was cold last winter. That's just common sense."
by Al Benedict June 11, 2009
mugGet the Common Sensemug.

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