Virgin Suicides's definitions

catholic accident

The child caboose in a (roman) catholic family, generally several to many older siblings, normally younger by as many as five years or more. Most know the Church is vehemently against abortion (duh), but it also highly disapproves of birth control, as well. This makes the likelihood of accidental / unplanned births among the most devout families almost an inevitability.

In the O'Callahan family of Medford, there are six children : Mary, Patrick, the identical twins Rory and Maile, Kathleen, and Kevin. Did I forget someone ? Oh, yes, a seventh - Edward, called Teddy by everyone else, although the twins jokingly refer to him as John Thomas behind his back as he is seven years (!) behind the next youngest sibling. Teddy is the caboose of the family, or more appropriately, the Catholic Accident, as his birth was something of a surprise (i.e., unplanned).

by Virgin Suicides April 17, 2017

the mysteriously vanishing 40-year old actress

The worst kept secret in American entertainment - be it film, stage or television : be a woman, be an actor and turn 40 years old, and your career is effectively over. You're done.

The American actress Hilary Swank a few years back played the lead in a film called 'Amelia', a biopic about Amelia Earhart. Earhart, for those of you who may not recall, was a famous early 20th century American female aviator who, at the age of 40, mysteriously disappeared and was never seen again. Ever. Which, when you think about it, is right up Hollywood's alley because if you're an actress and you're in Tinseltown and you turn 40, you disappear, too. Never seen again. Never. Ever. The mysteriously vanishing 40-year old actress.

by Virgin Suicides November 5, 2017

loser collector

akin to creep magnet; someone for whom, no matter what they try to consciously avoid, always wind up, one way or another, with the same bunch of chumps, dorks, dweebs, idiots, morons, pussys, yutzes, et al as unwanted acquaintances, no matter where they go to school, what job they work, or what city they live in.

Me : hey, wanna see my collection of losers ? I've been an avid loser collector for years, often without even trying, it seems. I even tried to unload them all on Craigslist a few times, but no one seems to be in the market for losers. Go figure.

by Virgin Suicides May 12, 2017

guy's heaven

beer, farts and boobs - not necessarily in that order.

There I was ... all slobbed out : sitting on my fat ass, drinking beer, blasting huge farts and watching scantily clad women walk by with all of their huge, pendulous cleavage hanging out. And I thought 'is this Iowa ?' (Field Of Dreams Homage). No, it's heaven. Guy's heaven.

by Virgin Suicides October 27, 2017

fart spliff

the art of lighting your cigarette or joint by ignited fart gas instead of regular lighter or match.

Butthead : say Beav, I'm bored - let's do a circle jerk.
Beavis : Nah, we did that last night.
Butthead : Okay, than let's do a fart spliff.
Beavis : Alright - I've got a doobie and a lighter and since you just ate a whole pizza with onions, pepperoni and beans, pull your pants down and bend over.
Butthead : duh, are you gonna fuck me ?
Beavis : Naw, I'm gonna light your farts and then light this spliff with the emitting gas.
Butthead : Makes sense. Cool !

by Virgin Suicides April 22, 2017

looking for mr. goodbar?

Older, pop culture phrase referencing the 1977 film of the same name starring Diane Keaton. Used to describe a (still) all too common cultural phenomenon and stereotype, whereupon entering a local watering hole, one spots a noticeably middle aging female who, without asking her, one can already glean the following details :

1. she's endlessly looking for a new job or career;

2. she's incessantly looking for a new romantic partner (or the next good lay she can drum up);

3. she's constantly looking for the next place to live (in the immediate vicinity or ANYWHERE for that matter);

4. she's perpetually looking for that 'next big thing' she can't name or describe (and obviously hasn't found yet and, like a character out of a Fitzgerald or Richard Yates novel, probably never will - 'where ARE all those golden people in that golden place ?');

in a phrase, she's a female sad bastard. She's looking for mr. goodbar.

There's Jane - again - blonde hair and blue-eyed, sitting at the bar, martini or glass of wine in hand and that all too familiar look on her face; an expression that evokes a thousand words, phrases and even questions but can be succinctly boiled down to the following : what's the matter, hon ? looking for mr. goodbar?

by Virgin Suicides November 8, 2017

big haired ladies of the 'eighties

all those grand and glorious hairstyles women of that era publicly sported - without shame or embarrassment, evidently - only to find themselves forever running scared (especially from new husbands, new boyfriends or partners) of any or all damning photo evidence of such "unfortunate fashion choices" ever seeing the light of day.

New Girlfriend : Ha-ha ! Your mother showed me your high school graduation photo the other day. Boy, did you sport QUITE the mullet back in the day ! What - making certain your football helmet fit nice and snug ? LOL
Me : Sez you ! Have you forgotten what YOU looked like ? Judging from YOUR grad photo, I thought you were one of the Bangles or maybe Sara Jessica Parker's stunt double from 'Square Pegs'.
New Girlfriend : Eeeeeewwwwwww !!!!!! You actually SAW it ?! OMFG - I thought I had burned every known copy of that horrid pic ! Now you'll probably break up with me knowing I once ever looked like that ! I'm cursed, Cursed, CURSED !!!
Me : Big haired ladies of the 'eighties ! LOL

by Virgin Suicides August 13, 2017