Virgin Suicides's definitions

the mysteriously vanishing 40-year old actress

The worst kept secret in American entertainment - be it film, stage or television : be a woman, be an actor and turn 40 years old, and your career is effectively over. You're done.

The American actress Hilary Swank a few years back played the lead in a film called 'Amelia', a biopic about Amelia Earhart. Earhart, for those of you who may not recall, was a famous early 20th century American female aviator who, at the age of 40, mysteriously disappeared and was never seen again. Ever. Which, when you think about it, is right up Hollywood's alley because if you're an actress and you're in Tinseltown and you turn 40, you disappear, too. Never seen again. Never. Ever. The mysteriously vanishing 40-year old actress.

by Virgin Suicides November 5, 2017

suck it 'til you fuck it

similar to fake it 'til you make it; the art of brown nosing, ass kissing, cozying up to and plain out and out sycophanting some one or some group until you score that desired prize, achieve that goal, realize that golden dream.

I so badly wanted to attend Harvard University that I got the Ivy League Directory, looked up Harvard grads living in my area, called several of them up, sweet talked my way into the life of the one most easily flattered by my egregious flattery, wined and dined him, ran all sorts of errands, and became, in effect, his kept boy. Upon his connections and letter of recommendation, I gained admission - whereupon I dropped his ass and never saw him again. Suck it 'til you fuck it !

by Virgin Suicides August 14, 2017

guy's heaven

beer, farts and boobs - not necessarily in that order.

There I was ... all slobbed out : sitting on my fat ass, drinking beer, blasting huge farts and watching scantily clad women walk by with all of their huge, pendulous cleavage hanging out. And I thought 'is this Iowa ?' (Field Of Dreams Homage). No, it's heaven. Guy's heaven.

by Virgin Suicides October 27, 2017

big haired ladies of the 'eighties

all those grand and glorious hairstyles women of that era publicly sported - without shame or embarrassment, evidently - only to find themselves forever running scared (especially from new husbands, new boyfriends or partners) of any or all damning photo evidence of such "unfortunate fashion choices" ever seeing the light of day.

New Girlfriend : Ha-ha ! Your mother showed me your high school graduation photo the other day. Boy, did you sport QUITE the mullet back in the day ! What - making certain your football helmet fit nice and snug ? LOL
Me : Sez you ! Have you forgotten what YOU looked like ? Judging from YOUR grad photo, I thought you were one of the Bangles or maybe Sara Jessica Parker's stunt double from 'Square Pegs'.
New Girlfriend : Eeeeeewwwwwww !!!!!! You actually SAW it ?! OMFG - I thought I had burned every known copy of that horrid pic ! Now you'll probably break up with me knowing I once ever looked like that ! I'm cursed, Cursed, CURSED !!!
Me : Big haired ladies of the 'eighties ! LOL

by Virgin Suicides August 13, 2017

loser collector

akin to creep magnet; someone for whom, no matter what they try to consciously avoid, always wind up, one way or another, with the same bunch of chumps, dorks, dweebs, idiots, morons, pussys, yutzes, et al as unwanted acquaintances, no matter where they go to school, what job they work, or what city they live in.

Me : hey, wanna see my collection of losers ? I've been an avid loser collector for years, often without even trying, it seems. I even tried to unload them all on Craigslist a few times, but no one seems to be in the market for losers. Go figure.

by Virgin Suicides May 12, 2017

fascism

simply put, when capitalism gets MEAN.

Untold numbers of african-american communities have been decimated by government-ordered imprisonment of their largely male populations; low wage McDonald's and Walmart service jobs have been touted as reputable career options for some time now; the national economy is officially at full capacity despite millions of current unemployed and underemployed workers; the president says he openly admires the Russian prime minister and the way he manages its' kleptocratic economic and political systems; the 1% vs. the 99%. This is fascism.

by Virgin Suicides April 21, 2017

tit shop

the clinic for plastic surgeons specializing in breast enhancement procedures.

Gina : say Carla, I'm feeling a bit flat in the chest area, let's go to the tit shop and buy us some boobs !
Carla: Great ! I hear they're having a special this month, too ' buy two boobs, get a third free'. Guess that's just in case one deflates or falls off or something.

Gina : Awesome !

by Virgin Suicides April 23, 2017