Virgin Suicides's definitions

half jacked-off

a synonym for half-assed, half baked, et al. Usually used to render scorn on a famous person/celebrity who, for all their glitter, charisma and talent really puts forth a miserable effort in said situation.

Ben Affleck's cinematic efforts of late have been generally of the half jacked-off variety.

by Virgin Suicides June 16, 2017

man boobs

what often happens to men who workout with barbells, dumbbells, free weights, nautilus, et al over long periods of time. The testosterone enzyme increases with the added muscle mass they develop, but so do their estrogen levels to keep a proper balance, such that they develop breasts (and buttocks) akin to females who produce this enzyme naturally.

Tina : I would date Bruce, but he has such noticeable man boobs from all those years of working out. And now they sag somewhat - gross !
Me : sez you ! You're as old as he is, and your boobs are beginning to sag, too.
Tina : yes, but mine are natural - and I wear a bra.

Me : well, buy him a bra, too and when you both are having sex, just make sure he wears it .

by Virgin Suicides May 11, 2017

suck my ex-dick

What Caitlyn Jenner yells at hecklers, harassers, paparazzi and anyone else who generally pisses her off.

Photographer : Hey Caitlyn, turn around so I can stick this camera down your cleavage and take a picture !
Caitlyn (sneering) : Hey, suck my ex-dick !!!

by Virgin Suicides November 1, 2017

15 minutes

about the time required these days when passing from one celebrity and corresponding fad to another, anyway one can achieve it.

Celebrity 1 : I was the 'it' girl in southwest Tanzania way back in 1979 !
Celebrity 2 : I was short listed for a Golden Globe for Best Sound Check Edit way back in 1985 !
Celebrity 3 : I was photographed with Cameron Crowe in 1996 - wayyyyy before he made 'Almost Famous'
Me : Really ? And I'm Gwyneth Paltrow's 49th cousin 117 times removed - on her great, great uncle's side - for anyone who's counting. Guess we all try for our 15 minutes anyway we can get them. LOL

by Virgin Suicides May 20, 2017

guy's heaven

beer, farts and boobs - not necessarily in that order.

There I was ... all slobbed out : sitting on my fat ass, drinking beer, blasting huge farts and watching scantily clad women walk by with all of their huge, pendulous cleavage hanging out. And I thought 'is this Iowa ?' (Field Of Dreams Homage). No, it's heaven. Guy's heaven.

by Virgin Suicides October 27, 2017

I Love You, Man

phrase that two grown men can exchange as a sign of mutual admiration, confidence, loyalty and trustworthiness without any implication of erotic or sexual attraction.

From the popular podcast S-Town :

John B. McLemore : I love you, man.
Tyler Goodson : I know that. I love you too, John B.
John B. : And just because I say that, Tyler, doesn't mean I'm trying to get up your butt !
Tyler : I know that, John B. You've been like a second father to me.

(Months later, after John B.'s suicide) :

Tyler : Poor John B. Man, I miss that fucker ...

If S-Town is essentially correct, I think a lot of people miss John B. We all love you, John B. And miss you.

by Virgin Suicides July 27, 2017

loser collector

akin to creep magnet; someone for whom, no matter what they try to consciously avoid, always wind up, one way or another, with the same bunch of chumps, dorks, dweebs, idiots, morons, pussys, yutzes, et al as unwanted acquaintances, no matter where they go to school, what job they work, or what city they live in.

Me : hey, wanna see my collection of losers ? I've been an avid loser collector for years, often without even trying, it seems. I even tried to unload them all on Craigslist a few times, but no one seems to be in the market for losers. Go figure.

by Virgin Suicides May 12, 2017