An institution of learning which touts itself as being one of the best universities in the country. Also famed for its importunate insulting of The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, which, despite being a public institution that doesn't charge a small fortune in tuition and does not include a minumum of 4 legacy connections as a requirement for admission, maintains a similarly high academic caliber. Employer of Mike Krzyzewski, possibly the spawn of Satan and facilitator of the massacre of his team on their beloved J.J. Redick's senior night, where a primarily first-year UNC roster schooled the player who Duke likes to think is God's gift to basketball. Redick, in true champion style, proceeded to cry like the Dookie that he is, because when a Duke student doesn't get what they want, they only need cry about it and either Mommy, Daddy, or their frat brother will come save them.
Friends don't let friends go to Duke University.
How many Duke University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: Three. One to change the lightbulb and two to crack under the pressure.