A chav... is a strange creature that was not born in that way but was mutated
at some point during their life into a burbary wearing, fast food scoffing, cigarette smoking monster who has no ambitions or dreams other than acting hard , having sex with any woman no matter how fugly
and getting wasted ever Saturday off cheap cider...
Appearance: Usually they are easy to spot, aged around 8-18 (because after that age they get a grip), they usually wear burbary, or cheap imitation tracksuits with their trouser legs tucked into their imitation Nike or Adidas trainers. Usually the chav women have long hair tied in a side ponytail, so much makeup that you'd need a chisel to get it off and 2 times out of 10 they are pregnant. Often they have greasy skin and ridden with acne.
Habitat: Often they inhabit small dwellings on council estates in Britain and are very territorial, often hanging around their neighborhood, intimidating passers by and discussing "fitbirds
" in their strange, ever changing language.
If there was a rare case of anybody actually Wanting to find chavs, for catching or hunting, the best place would probably be outside shops, in parks or in a place where people will have to walk through them or around.
The social structure of chavs can be greatly compared that of a Meercat. Often hanging out
in groups of about 4-20 sometimes with one on the lookout for pigs
. Despite acting hard and agressive making sounds such as "aare yuu startin bellend
" or "aaare'll smash uur edd in" they are surprisingly timid creatures and unless they heavily outnumber you for example 20 to 1 they will usually just "scarper
" at the first sign of conflict.
The first sign of this epidemic was in Chatham in kent where parents noticed their children becoming deformed, voices changing, skin becoming greasy and sense of fashion slowly degrading. Slowly it crept across the country now the whole of Britain is knee deep in "bellsniffs".
Chav 1: Ere mate i banged
a rite fit bird
chav 2: Ye m8 but my bellend is like 2x bigga than uurs init
(stupid hand motion)
Chav 1: Screw u ya nobhead
u aint even got a belend.
(man walks past them into the shop)
Chav 1: wat u fink u duin bellsniff?
Chav 2: Yea u queermo u gotta a prikin problem?
(man turns around and looks at them)
Chav 1: Scarpa!
(Chavs run off and after 15 minuits stop in a bus shelter)
Chav 1: arrrrr that pussi wo rite shittin imself
Chav 2: Yemate!