A. The main language spoken in the British Isles
, the USA
B. A person who comes from England. There are 4 main types of English person:
1. The Posh Nob
The steroetypical english person who died out in the 1800s. Typically seen as well spoken, wearing a bowler hat and moustache, and swiping away poor people with his cane.
2. The Farmer
Typical of most rural places in England. Normally an overweight middle-aged man wearing dirty overalls and a straw hat. Most common phrases are "Ooo-ar!" and any swearword concievable. Not as gentle as they look.
3. The Chav
A growing breed of English person. Loud, aggressive, obsessed with their looks and becoming a 'gangsta'. Normal IQ is about 31. Reproduces at an alarming rate.
4. The Non-English English Person
That asian bloke who runs the Off-Licence.
For any American
readers there is an easy way to tell the difference between the English, Irish, Scottish and Welsh. This is vital if you wish to tour the UK
in one piece:
people get drunk and fight each other.
people get drunk and shag each other.
people get drunk and shag sheep.
people get drunk and fight each other. Then they sober up and continue to fight each other.
English Type 1. "I say ol' chap, that's just not on - what what?"
English Type 2. "'Ere, I 'eard them fucking Polish are movin' down ar way . . ."
English Type 3. "Yerwot M8
?! Come over 'er and say that yer fuckin' wanker!"
English Type 4. The non-American version of Apu from the Simpsons