The Gonzo Lecture's definitions

Ink Rape

When your tattoo artist does something to you without your permission.

Jase the Needle: So Chaz, tell me how you like your tattoo...

Chaz the victim: Fuck! What the hell is that? What have you done?!!

Jase the Needle: That's ink rape, my friend, pure and simple.

by The Gonzo Lecture April 18, 2010

Cum Catcher

A slang term for a woman. Considered by many (mostly women) to be a derogatory term used by people (usually men) to suggest a particular woman enjoys the practice of having men ejaculating semen into and onto various parts of her body.

"She's a real fucking cum catcher..."

"Here it comes, you fucking cum catcher!"

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010

groupwork

A learning strategy devised by academics to divert attention from themselves and their own activities, cut down on teaching time and cause the maximum amount of stress and discomfort to their students. Groupwork involves the administration of complex, indecipherable assessment tasks which students are left to spend long hours together in each others' company to figure out leading often to short periods of abusive conflict and sometimes even longer periods of fornication and even marriage.

Jemima: Professor, can you please answer me a question about our assignment?

Professor: No I can't. You see, it's groupwork. You have to figure it out together with your team mates. Why not go and ask Brad to help you. He looks like he'd be happy to straighten you out. I have to go now and see if that infernal coffee bar is open yet.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 25, 2010

office reorganisation

A sadistic and senseless activity carried out by departmental managers to reassert their power over underlings when their previous cynical management strategies such as teamwork, motivation and front line empowerment have accidentally worked more effectively than could have ever been predicted. Office reorganisation involves creating a fictional reason for getting employees to throw out all their previous years' work, breaking up close collegial relationships and generally restoring a feeling of fear and intimidation which result in the employee realising once again who is in charge.

Manager: Well Bill, it looks like you'll need to move desks to the corner over there in the office reorganisation.

Bill: But I'm working quite well here next to Sandra. Also I have a lot of work to do at the moment.

Manager: Don't be a cunt Bill. Do what you're told. The office reorganisation takes top priority. Just get it done.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010

par down

Managementspeak for "no you can't have one".

Employee: can I have another cupboard to store things in my office?

Manager: we are presently seeking to "par down" the amount of storage in this particular area.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 11, 2010

Gonzo Lecture

A university lecture characterised by a replacement of the more formal yet boring teaching methods advocated by teacher training colleges and academic managers by insane sounding rants in which the lecturer replaces dry subject matter with their own uncomfortable, personal truth. Based on Hunter S. Thompson's particular brand of gonzo journalism, the Gonzo Lecture is characterised by first person point of view run wild and an oft-indistinguishable fusion of real-world facts and fictional confabulation. The gonzo lecturer may often combine their personal narrative style with contrived personal and often avant-garde anecdotes, expressions of angry disillusionment, foul language and other methods such as textbook throwing. Meta levels of thought are often subtly conveyed through homage to popular cultural symbols and controversial opinions with which the audience identifies. The objective of The Gonzo Lecture is to wake-up the audience to their own oppression by corrupt power systems through engaging them in personal reflection, prompted by their own discomfort. This reflection is designed to stimulate an aspiration on their part to rethink their self-concept as a channel towards personal change. The Gonzo Lecture, as part of the wider field of Gonzo Education is sometimes considered unprofessional by those not yet intellectually freed from the shackles of oppressive power.

Example 1:
Lecturer: This textbook on your required reading list is a piece of total fucking dog-shit! (throws the book into the lecture theatre to be fought over by the audience)

Student 1: This lecture is totally fucked up, man.

Student 2: Yeah...it's fuckin gonzo, dude.

Student 1: But that book IS totally shit, man.

Example 2:

Lecturer: So big corporations encourage you to volunteer in order that you can work for them for free in order that you can get good work experience for your CV so when you graduate you can get a good job with them, cos they already know you're a fucking gullible patsy who will serve them well for the future. Does that sound fucked up to you?

Student: (thinks...) Fuck, I volunteer for free all the time and never thought I was being taken advantage of. I love this Gonzo Lecture, it speaks truth.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010

Work

The deceitful act of making oneself appear busy during office hours in return for payment.

I'd love to help with that important task, but I've got some other work I need to do.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010