Terry Deary's definitions

you've been tangoed

(inf. phrase) In reference to the bumming scene in the 1973 Bertolucci movie "Last Tango In Paris" and the popular 1990s TV commercials for the soft drink "Tango" - when you've just shot your creamy load up a bird's arse, this phrase makes the perfect accompaniment to a post-coital cigarette, all the more poignant if you have used butter or Tango as lube.

Me: Was that Cadbury canal cruise good for you too?
Bumslut: (crying) No! It was horrible and painful, and it's all sticky because of the cum, butter and Tango!
Me: Unlucky, bumslut - You've Been Tangoed!

by Terry Deary August 28, 2006

willy-willy

n. Australian meteorologist with two willies.

Joe: Show's yer willy.
Bruce the weatherman: I have two.
Joe: Show's yer willy-willy.

by Terry Deary June 3, 2005

HairyBeef

n. cow meat which has at some stage in its production been exposed to hair.

Maw Parker: I got you steaks for dinner kids.
Kid #1: Cool.
Kid #2: There's hair on my beef!
(Other kids all snigger at the connotations)

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

gonk

n. Has several, widespread meanings - often depending on geography - such as blowjob or underwear. Can also be used as a generic insult.

The word is best used, however, to describe enemies who must be eliminated in videogames.

Me (playing Goldeneye: Jesus, I'm getting blasted to fuck here! There's way too many gonks!
You (advising me): There's one to your right...
Me: Oh shit, I'm dead. These gonks just didn't stop. Fucking gonks.

by Terry Deary December 7, 2006

cheeky ned

n. A particular breed of ned or chav who, instead of being plain aggressive and threatening, is full of bravado and chooses instead to shout witticisms at passers-by. Favourites include:
"show's yer fanny!" ("could I please see your vagina?")
"gie's a gobble!" ("would you please perform oral sex on me?")
"we arra peepell!" (chanted throughout Glasgow housing estates whenever Rangers win the league - "we are the people?" God knows what it means)

Cheeky neds are more very curious, constantly asking you what you are doing or looking at and wondering if you'd care to duel.

Cheeky ned (at bus stop at 2 in the morning with bottle of Buckfast) : Whit you lookin' at?
Passer-by: Eh, nothing really. Straight ahead mostly.
Cheeky ned: Whit? Whit you daein'?
Passer-by: What am I doing? Going home. Why?
Cheeky ned: Whit? Who you talkin' tae?
Passer-by: I was under the impression I was talking to you.
Cheeky ned: Aw, whit man! You're gettin pure do'ed!
Passer-by: I hope your cigarette ash lands on your tracksuit.

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

ball goggles

n./adj. (Scot. pron. "baw goggles") A deviant sexual practice wherein one covers his partner's eyes with his clockweights. Most probably popularised due to the humiliation factor for the blinded partner.

I couldn't believe my luck when my girlfriend's sister asked me to give her a pair of ball goggles for her birthday!

by Terry Deary August 29, 2006

whip it out

v. inf. A common phrase used to describe the occasion of a man suddenly producing his penis, often when completely unexpected and for no reason whatsoever.

Jim: See the game last night?
Dave: Yeah, United were unlucky to lose.
Jim: Think they'll sack the manager now?
Dave: They might have to. What do you think Gary?
*Gary whips it out*

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005