Terry Deary's definitions

chip an' chee

n. (a.k.a. chips and cheese) commonplace British delicacy, to be found in almost every 3am eaterie for around £2.00. Profoundly sautéed in 'graisse animale', the chips (fries to non-UK English speakers) are then drowned to taste in traditional seasoning (table-salt and industrial malt vinegar) before the 'pièce de résistance' - a delightful coat of the cheapest plasticky "cheddar-syle" cheese available. Voilà! Delicious.

The mis-pronounciation is a direct hommage, if you will, to the owners and employees of Britain's millions of kebab shops, and their unilateral endearing trait of being unable to speak English.

*3 o'clock a.m., any town centre in the UK*
Turkish guy at till: Whatchoo wan'?
Drunk customer: What? £5 for a kebab? I'll have fookin' chips and cheese then.
Turkish guy (to the guy doing the frying): Ey Sanjeet, two chip an' chee!

by Terry Deary February 28, 2006

beef dagger

n. A tool used to draw the beef curtains; a smaller but meatier pork sword; a dangerous stabbing weapon most effective when targetting the rusty sheriff's badge or when thrown into salmon canyon; the giggle stick.

Man: Hey honey, what say we uncork a bottle of Chardonnay, snuggle up and watch The Notebook together?
Wife: Oh, how romantic!!!
Man: Actually, scrap that idea - how about you bend over and I'll thrust a beef dagger into your treacherous brown eye.
Wife: Oh no, not again!
Man: Spread 'em, bumslut!

by Terry Deary August 29, 2006

razzle dazzle

v.t. ("on the razzle dazzle", "to razzle and dazzle") When a group of lads join forces in order to become muntered and hopefully get a gobble by the end of the night. From the ancient Greek compounds "razzle" - to drink your bodyweight in tequila; and "dazzle" - to attempt to bone anything with a pulse at a seedy nightclub.

Hopefully, said troops will end up getting their nat king cole, and if they are extremelly fortunate, they will avoid becoming a noted munter-gatherer.

Lad 1: You fancy another Aftershock?
Lad 2: No, too much razzle can ruin your chances of dazzling. And I've got my eye on that fattie in the corner, wobbling her fat arse along to "No Limit".

Lad 3: How's the razzle dazzle going?
Lad 4: Pretty good, £1 a drink so I'm bawspank'd, and that munter that I pulled has a slightly more attractive friend.
Lad 3: Casey and Dean aren't faring so well.
Lad 4: I guess we could go for DVDA with that fattie in the corner?

by Terry Deary August 28, 2006

cheeky ned

n. A particular breed of ned or chav who, instead of being plain aggressive and threatening, is full of bravado and chooses instead to shout witticisms at passers-by. Favourites include:
"show's yer fanny!" ("could I please see your vagina?")
"gie's a gobble!" ("would you please perform oral sex on me?")
"we arra peepell!" (chanted throughout Glasgow housing estates whenever Rangers win the league - "we are the people?" God knows what it means)

Cheeky neds are more very curious, constantly asking you what you are doing or looking at and wondering if you'd care to duel.

Cheeky ned (at bus stop at 2 in the morning with bottle of Buckfast) : Whit you lookin' at?
Passer-by: Eh, nothing really. Straight ahead mostly.
Cheeky ned: Whit? Whit you daein'?
Passer-by: What am I doing? Going home. Why?
Cheeky ned: Whit? Who you talkin' tae?
Passer-by: I was under the impression I was talking to you.
Cheeky ned: Aw, whit man! You're gettin pure do'ed!
Passer-by: I hope your cigarette ash lands on your tracksuit.

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

willy-willy

n. Australian meteorologist with two willies.

Joe: Show's yer willy.
Bruce the weatherman: I have two.
Joe: Show's yer willy-willy.

by Terry Deary June 3, 2005

HairyBeef

n. cow meat which has at some stage in its production been exposed to hair.

Maw Parker: I got you steaks for dinner kids.
Kid #1: Cool.
Kid #2: There's hair on my beef!
(Other kids all snigger at the connotations)

by Terry Deary June 2, 2005

you've been tangoed

(inf. phrase) In reference to the bumming scene in the 1973 Bertolucci movie "Last Tango In Paris" and the popular 1990s TV commercials for the soft drink "Tango" - when you've just shot your creamy load up a bird's arse, this phrase makes the perfect accompaniment to a post-coital cigarette, all the more poignant if you have used butter or Tango as lube.

Me: Was that Cadbury canal cruise good for you too?
Bumslut: (crying) No! It was horrible and painful, and it's all sticky because of the cum, butter and Tango!
Me: Unlucky, bumslut - You've Been Tangoed!

by Terry Deary August 28, 2006