5 definitions by StuffedMannequin1
32 year old widowed writer. Ventures to the town of Silent Hill on vacation with his daughter only to discover that it is literally a personication of the pain and memories of Alessa Gillespie, filled with harrowing images of pain and suffering, demon children weilding knives ready to chop his dick off, demonic doctors and nurses, among endless woes without end.
...No sweat.
Harry Mason is known for being the most badass underdog video game protagonist in excistence. Anyone who plays the game will know that this is a man who can whoop Master Chief's ass anyday. This is a man who will blindly run into the worst of horrors anyone can ever imagine without showing any sort of remote fear whatsoever, nothing less than the sheer determination for the only thing he gives a shit about: his daughter.
Harry beats the ever-lovin' shit out of any monster that comes in his way with an iron pipe or whatever else he has near him and doesn't complain. When he speaks, he is monotonous and unafraid and determined. Nothing breaks him, and nothing will stop him from finding his daughter. If you're in his way, back the fuck off, otherwise this fucker will beat your skull in with a pipe, stomp on your face while you're on the ground, headlock you, and ask you in a monotonous and calm tone: "Have you seen a little girl? Short, black hair?"
He's a dimwit sometimes, but redeems that by being totally awesome.
...No sweat.
Harry Mason is known for being the most badass underdog video game protagonist in excistence. Anyone who plays the game will know that this is a man who can whoop Master Chief's ass anyday. This is a man who will blindly run into the worst of horrors anyone can ever imagine without showing any sort of remote fear whatsoever, nothing less than the sheer determination for the only thing he gives a shit about: his daughter.
Harry beats the ever-lovin' shit out of any monster that comes in his way with an iron pipe or whatever else he has near him and doesn't complain. When he speaks, he is monotonous and unafraid and determined. Nothing breaks him, and nothing will stop him from finding his daughter. If you're in his way, back the fuck off, otherwise this fucker will beat your skull in with a pipe, stomp on your face while you're on the ground, headlock you, and ask you in a monotonous and calm tone: "Have you seen a little girl? Short, black hair?"
He's a dimwit sometimes, but redeems that by being totally awesome.
Harry Mason is such a badass, he blasted a nurses' skull open with a fire-ax, curb stomped the shit out of her while she was on the ground, then proceeded to not give a shit about it.
by StuffedMannequin1 April 13, 2010
In a comic book/graphic novel adaptation, although not limited to, the "Venom Treatment" applies to a well-known and popular character that is underused/underdeveloped, and/or rushed in on the part of bad writing or appeasing fans. Coined following disappointment in expectations for the popular villain "Venom" in the film "Spider-Man 3"
Some say that Two-Face in "The Dark Knight" received the Venom Treatment for not being a major villain in the film, although his purpose in the film is a matter of interpretation.
by StuffedMannequin1 March 7, 2009
This is the woman you always put the time to.
This is the woman whose problems you always listened to.
This is the woman you spent $500 dollars on just to make her Christmas/birthday/Valentines Day the best one of the year.
This is the woman who you always took your consideration into for everything.
This is the woman who you always remained loyal to, no matter how difficult it was.
This is the woman who always said she wasn't "in the mood" when you were, so you never forced anything out of her no matter HOW many weeks she hasn't fucked you.
This is the woman who stopped conversing with you in favor of bitching about everything in her life.
This is the woman who just fucked you to shut you up about issues in the relationship.
This is the woman who constantly flirted with other guys but paid no attention to you.
This is the woman who blew all the money you gave her on stupid bullshit.
This is the woman who never listened to a damn word you said.
This is the woman who never bothered to spent time with you and blew you off all the time.
This is the woman who reeled herself away from you constantly.
This is the woman that shoved you in the friend zone.
This is the woman that dumped you and said it was all your fault because she is a selfish, egotistical, arrogant, narrow fucking idiot.
Evil - Adjective - Morally reprehensible
This is the woman whose problems you always listened to.
This is the woman you spent $500 dollars on just to make her Christmas/birthday/Valentines Day the best one of the year.
This is the woman who you always took your consideration into for everything.
This is the woman who you always remained loyal to, no matter how difficult it was.
This is the woman who always said she wasn't "in the mood" when you were, so you never forced anything out of her no matter HOW many weeks she hasn't fucked you.
This is the woman who stopped conversing with you in favor of bitching about everything in her life.
This is the woman who just fucked you to shut you up about issues in the relationship.
This is the woman who constantly flirted with other guys but paid no attention to you.
This is the woman who blew all the money you gave her on stupid bullshit.
This is the woman who never listened to a damn word you said.
This is the woman who never bothered to spent time with you and blew you off all the time.
This is the woman who reeled herself away from you constantly.
This is the woman that shoved you in the friend zone.
This is the woman that dumped you and said it was all your fault because she is a selfish, egotistical, arrogant, narrow fucking idiot.
Evil - Adjective - Morally reprehensible
My ex girlfriend is a fucking idiot. I was the best man for her, then she shoved me in the friend zone and said all the faults in the relationship were my fault, then she starts dating other men and talks about how much of a victim she is when they treat her like crap.
by StuffedMannequin1 March 5, 2010
The Cold War began following the end of World War II when the United States of America and the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR or the Soviet Union) emerged as the world's two superpowers, and subsequently the world's greatest prick-waving competition began.
At the end of World War II Europe lay in ruins. The Soviet Union took hand to several Eastern European countries while the United States and Britain took on the Western and some southern countries. Many countries, such as Greece at the end of WWII which were occupied by the Nazis fell into civil war with two sides fighting against each other, each taking the influence of either Western political ideals or Soviet ideals. Once everything was set, there were now two sides: half of Europe under the influence of Western policies and the other half under Soviet. The two sides opposed each other and as the two sole superpowers, worked to try and gain the sphere of political influence on the world. Communism spreading and the United States working frantically to try and contain it in a series of proxy wars. And so began what would be known as the world's biggest and greatest prick-waving competition in excistence.
To put it in a nutshell, at the start of the Cold War, the United States, and it's capitalistic ideals, and the Soviet Union, with it's communist ideals, both had just about equally sized penises. It was now a battle to impress the world of which had the bigger penis in order to try and influence it. The US and USSR went at it for the next fifty odd years.
NATO was formed in 1949, thus making the United States' penis growing slightly larger than the USSR's. NATO was basically an agreement between several countries in defense to any enemy attack. The USSR suddenly felt emasculated by the size of the United States' penis and thus made a plan to extend their own by forming the Warsaw Pact in 1955. The Warsaw Pact was the USSR's response mostly to West Germany being signed into NATO and felt the need of creating it in strategic defense. Tensions grew between the two superpowers due in part by the fact that by the 1950s the world was now fully realized that the USSR was developing nuclear weapons and testing then (the first nuclear bomb test in the USSR was "First Lightning, or RDS-1, nicknamed by the US "Joe 1" after a nickname given to Joseph Stalin, who was still ruler of the USSR at the time until his death in 1953.) , trying to out-nuke the US and showing them that they indeed, had the larger cock now. This lead to an increase in nuclear development in the United States, in order to try and catch up to it's arch-enemy and keep itself from getting pulverized by it's throbbing manhood.
The United States had been developing nuclear weapons long before the Soviet Union had, it's first nuclear test "Trinity" on July 16, 1945 under the "Manhattan Project." The nuclear weapons were developed throughout WWII out of fear of discovery of it's power being discovered by Nazi Germany, and felt they needed to create them ASAP. By the end of WWII, Germany had been defeated along with several of it's alliances and Japan was the sole Axis power remaining. The Soviet Union declared war on Japan and the United States initially devised a plan called "Operation Downfall" which would have been the invasion of Japan. At that time, though, they'd just squeezed out years of research and development on nuclear weapons initially focused on Germany, but since Germany had already been defeated, they must have figured "Eeehh, fuck it" and dropped two buckets 'o sunshine on Japan. Nagasaki and Hiroshima were bombed to shit. There is much debate to this day about either or not nuclear weapons should have been used or not. In it's defense it was believed that casualties would have been drastically high for an initial invasion of Japan. The US continued to do several atomic bomb tests, many at Bikini Atoll in the Marshall Islands not long after the rapage of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by the US's massive penis at the time. The tests were conducted mostly to test the effects of nuclear weapons at sea.
Anyways, now we're at an arms race in nuclear power between the Soviets and the Americans to show the world who had the bigger cock and who should follow their political influence, because they just assumed everyone else wanted a big cock, too. The arms race escalated with the US and the Soviet Union developing their largest nuclear weapons. The US with Castle Bravo, the blast yield of which was between 15-22 megatons, detonated at Bikini Atoll on February 24, 1954. At the time this was the largest detonated nuclear bomb, several times larger than the Fat Man and Little Boy bombs dropped on Japan spreading fear in the world about where it was going in terms of abusing the power of science and nuclear weapons.
The Soviet Union, on the other hand, didn't give a fuck. The United States expanding the size of their penis with Castle Bravo? HAH! They could show them just how massive the cock of communism could be. They developed the "Tsar Bomba", also codenamed "Ivan." I don't exaggerate when I say this bomb was one mean motherfucker. To date, Tsar Bomba is the largest nuclear weapon ever detonated at 50 megatons. The explosion let out by Tsar Bomba in comparison made Nagasaki look like a tiny speck on the horizon. The Tsar Bomba was originally going to be 100 megatons, but the Soviets at the last minuet changed it to 50 for safety reasons. SAFETY REASONS. It was unleashed on October 30, 1961 on Novaya Zemlya.
It's important to remember that the Cold War wasn't soley reliant on nuclear power extending the two superpowers' cocks, but other methods of proving one was superior to the other. One of these were the Space Race.
One dream was to explore space. This became one of the central focuses of the Cold War when the Soviets got a head start by launching the Sputnik 1 into space on October 4, 1957 and also sent the first man into space, Yuri Gagarin on April 12, 1961.
It's accepted that the Space Race officially began with the launch of the Sputnik. For years the United States believed that it had a bigger cock than the Soviet Union because it believed it was the leader of the space program, despite two failed attempts to get into space. So when the Sputnik first launched to the surprise of the US, Americans went absolutely and completely batshit insane. It became immediately emasculated at viewing how huge the Soviets' Pumping Pole of Communist Power had become it immediately began work vigorously on trying to out-man the Soviets with it's own space program, eventually sending the first man on the moon on July 20, 1969, making the Soviet Union feeling emasculated and flacid. Some believe the moon landing was faked in order to show the world that America had a bigger cock than the Soviets in order to gain influence.
The Cold War also wasn't just between the US and the USSR. The US fought a series of proxy wars to contain the spread of Communism but they usually ended up in mediocre victories or massive failures altogether. Such is with the Korean War, in which North Korea fought for Communism and the US sided with the South. It was like a game of tug of war, one side got really far south, the other eventually got really far north, then they just got to the middle and said "Fuck it" and left. History repeated itself with Vietnam, North fighting for Communism, US siding with the South, blah blah blah. The US got a bloody nose, became flacid and ran away. Some also believe that President Kennedy was assassinated so Lyndon B. Johnson could go to war with Vietnam to contain the spread and influence of Communism.
The Cold War eventually ended in victory for the United States, when the Soviet Union's cock got so big it eventually got erectile dysfunction and then proceeded to shit all over itself like a dying star as a result. The Soviet Union collapsed under Gorbachev, Ukraine, the Baltic States, Belarus and others became independent again, the Russian Mafia took the oppertunity to rise in Russia's broken government in times of recovery (but still holds the most nuclear weapons in the world). And now the United States is the sole superpower in the world, always going on and on about how massive it's dick is and proceeding to shove it's dick in other countries' faces when they don't really want it to.
I could go on and on. Honestly. So much shit occurred during the Cold War between the US and the USSR and their battle for global influence but this page would go on forever. Pick up a book on the Cold War if your interested. Get the chance to read about the world's greatest and largest prick-waving competition.
At the end of World War II Europe lay in ruins. The Soviet Union took hand to several Eastern European countries while the United States and Britain took on the Western and some southern countries. Many countries, such as Greece at the end of WWII which were occupied by the Nazis fell into civil war with two sides fighting against each other, each taking the influence of either Western political ideals or Soviet ideals. Once everything was set, there were now two sides: half of Europe under the influence of Western policies and the other half under Soviet. The two sides opposed each other and as the two sole superpowers, worked to try and gain the sphere of political influence on the world. Communism spreading and the United States working frantically to try and contain it in a series of proxy wars. And so began what would be known as the world's biggest and greatest prick-waving competition in excistence.
To put it in a nutshell, at the start of the Cold War, the United States, and it's capitalistic ideals, and the Soviet Union, with it's communist ideals, both had just about equally sized penises. It was now a battle to impress the world of which had the bigger penis in order to try and influence it. The US and USSR went at it for the next fifty odd years.
NATO was formed in 1949, thus making the United States' penis growing slightly larger than the USSR's. NATO was basically an agreement between several countries in defense to any enemy attack. The USSR suddenly felt emasculated by the size of the United States' penis and thus made a plan to extend their own by forming the Warsaw Pact in 1955. The Warsaw Pact was the USSR's response mostly to West Germany being signed into NATO and felt the need of creating it in strategic defense. Tensions grew between the two superpowers due in part by the fact that by the 1950s the world was now fully realized that the USSR was developing nuclear weapons and testing then (the first nuclear bomb test in the USSR was "First Lightning, or RDS-1, nicknamed by the US "Joe 1" after a nickname given to Joseph Stalin, who was still ruler of the USSR at the time until his death in 1953.) , trying to out-nuke the US and showing them that they indeed, had the larger cock now. This lead to an increase in nuclear development in the United States, in order to try and catch up to it's arch-enemy and keep itself from getting pulverized by it's throbbing manhood.
The United States had been developing nuclear weapons long before the Soviet Union had, it's first nuclear test "Trinity" on July 16, 1945 under the "Manhattan Project." The nuclear weapons were developed throughout WWII out of fear of discovery of it's power being discovered by Nazi Germany, and felt they needed to create them ASAP. By the end of WWII, Germany had been defeated along with several of it's alliances and Japan was the sole Axis power remaining. The Soviet Union declared war on Japan and the United States initially devised a plan called "Operation Downfall" which would have been the invasion of Japan. At that time, though, they'd just squeezed out years of research and development on nuclear weapons initially focused on Germany, but since Germany had already been defeated, they must have figured "Eeehh, fuck it" and dropped two buckets 'o sunshine on Japan. Nagasaki and Hiroshima were bombed to shit. There is much debate to this day about either or not nuclear weapons should have been used or not. In it's defense it was believed that casualties would have been drastically high for an initial invasion of Japan. The US continued to do several atomic bomb tests, many at Bikini Atoll in the Marshall Islands not long after the rapage of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by the US's massive penis at the time. The tests were conducted mostly to test the effects of nuclear weapons at sea.
Anyways, now we're at an arms race in nuclear power between the Soviets and the Americans to show the world who had the bigger cock and who should follow their political influence, because they just assumed everyone else wanted a big cock, too. The arms race escalated with the US and the Soviet Union developing their largest nuclear weapons. The US with Castle Bravo, the blast yield of which was between 15-22 megatons, detonated at Bikini Atoll on February 24, 1954. At the time this was the largest detonated nuclear bomb, several times larger than the Fat Man and Little Boy bombs dropped on Japan spreading fear in the world about where it was going in terms of abusing the power of science and nuclear weapons.
The Soviet Union, on the other hand, didn't give a fuck. The United States expanding the size of their penis with Castle Bravo? HAH! They could show them just how massive the cock of communism could be. They developed the "Tsar Bomba", also codenamed "Ivan." I don't exaggerate when I say this bomb was one mean motherfucker. To date, Tsar Bomba is the largest nuclear weapon ever detonated at 50 megatons. The explosion let out by Tsar Bomba in comparison made Nagasaki look like a tiny speck on the horizon. The Tsar Bomba was originally going to be 100 megatons, but the Soviets at the last minuet changed it to 50 for safety reasons. SAFETY REASONS. It was unleashed on October 30, 1961 on Novaya Zemlya.
It's important to remember that the Cold War wasn't soley reliant on nuclear power extending the two superpowers' cocks, but other methods of proving one was superior to the other. One of these were the Space Race.
One dream was to explore space. This became one of the central focuses of the Cold War when the Soviets got a head start by launching the Sputnik 1 into space on October 4, 1957 and also sent the first man into space, Yuri Gagarin on April 12, 1961.
It's accepted that the Space Race officially began with the launch of the Sputnik. For years the United States believed that it had a bigger cock than the Soviet Union because it believed it was the leader of the space program, despite two failed attempts to get into space. So when the Sputnik first launched to the surprise of the US, Americans went absolutely and completely batshit insane. It became immediately emasculated at viewing how huge the Soviets' Pumping Pole of Communist Power had become it immediately began work vigorously on trying to out-man the Soviets with it's own space program, eventually sending the first man on the moon on July 20, 1969, making the Soviet Union feeling emasculated and flacid. Some believe the moon landing was faked in order to show the world that America had a bigger cock than the Soviets in order to gain influence.
The Cold War also wasn't just between the US and the USSR. The US fought a series of proxy wars to contain the spread of Communism but they usually ended up in mediocre victories or massive failures altogether. Such is with the Korean War, in which North Korea fought for Communism and the US sided with the South. It was like a game of tug of war, one side got really far south, the other eventually got really far north, then they just got to the middle and said "Fuck it" and left. History repeated itself with Vietnam, North fighting for Communism, US siding with the South, blah blah blah. The US got a bloody nose, became flacid and ran away. Some also believe that President Kennedy was assassinated so Lyndon B. Johnson could go to war with Vietnam to contain the spread and influence of Communism.
The Cold War eventually ended in victory for the United States, when the Soviet Union's cock got so big it eventually got erectile dysfunction and then proceeded to shit all over itself like a dying star as a result. The Soviet Union collapsed under Gorbachev, Ukraine, the Baltic States, Belarus and others became independent again, the Russian Mafia took the oppertunity to rise in Russia's broken government in times of recovery (but still holds the most nuclear weapons in the world). And now the United States is the sole superpower in the world, always going on and on about how massive it's dick is and proceeding to shove it's dick in other countries' faces when they don't really want it to.
I could go on and on. Honestly. So much shit occurred during the Cold War between the US and the USSR and their battle for global influence but this page would go on forever. Pick up a book on the Cold War if your interested. Get the chance to read about the world's greatest and largest prick-waving competition.
The Cold War - the World's greatest prick-waving competition. Soon, the sequel, the US versus the Taliban playing hide the sausage.
by StuffedMannequin1 September 26, 2009
- 9/11 occurs. United States in disarray-
Americans: "This is so horrible, who could have done such a thing! Somebody figure out who did it!"
Bush: "It was TERRORISTS!"
Americans: -wiping manly tears from eyes- "...Terrorists?"
Bush: "That's right! Terrorists! Al-Qaeda to be exact. They're in Afghanistan."
Americans: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go get them!"
Bush: "We won't fight terrorism in Afghanistan alone, we'll fight them all over the world!"
Americans: "FUCK YEAR!" -Presidential ratings skyrocket-
Bush & Cheney: -snicker- Fucking morons.
Britain: "America, we'd love to company you in your crusade against terrorists in Afghanistan."
Britians: "Well, all right, I suppose that sounds like a good idea. I do dislike terrorists."
Bush & Cheney: -whispering to each other- "Now's our chance..." -approaches Britain with confidence- "So, Tony, in our crusade against terrorism, it's come to our attention that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction: AKA WMDs.
Blair: "Really? What are your sources?"
Cheney: "...Wikipedia."
Blair: "Well, I suppose that makes sense."
Bush: "So can we invade?"
Blair: "Don't you think we should check it out first, you know, just to make sure?"
Cheney: "But we KNOW they have WMDs, can't we just invade, pleeaaaaaseeee?"
Blair: "That doesnt seem very logical to me."
-Spock steps in- Spock: Not logical indeed.
Cheney: "FINE. Send the UN in and see what we can find."
-UN knocks on Iraq's door- "Hi! Hi! Hi!"
Hussein: -just waking up, snorting- "Huh. Wha...? Who is it?"
UN: "It's the United Nations. Mind if we poke around?"
Hussein: "Go away."
UN: "Pleeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?"
Hussein: "No. Go away." -goes back to sleep-
UN: "Fine, we'll just pester you until let us in." -knock knock knock-
-Five hours later-
Hussein: "FINE JESUS LOOK AROUND! FUCK!" -opens door-
UN: -walks in- "Thanks! We'll just poke around for a while."
Hussein: -snorts, rubs eyes- "Fine."
-They do that-
UN: "Well, it looks like we haven't found anything. Thanks for letting us in!" -walks out-
Hussein: "Whatever." -shuts door-
-UN returns to Bush, Cheney and Blair- UN: "Welp, we haven't found anything."
Cheney: "What? FUCK!"
Bush: "Well, this puts a damper on my day."
Blair: "See? Told ya. We narrowly avoided disaster."
-Bush and Cheney look at each other, they put on sunglasses and Cheney pulls out that memory eraser thing from "Men in Black" and flashes it into Tony Blair's eyes- Cheney: "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."
-Blair, hypnotized and repeating- Blair: "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."
Bush: "Al-Qaeda is operating in Iraq."
Blair: "Al-Qaeda is operating in Iraq."
Cheney: -takes off sunglasses- "Good, now tell everyone that you're helping us invade Iraq."
Blair: "Mmkay." -walks off-
Bush: -taking off sunglasses- "Sucker."
Blair: -walks outside- "Hey ho, citizens of Britain. We're going to accompany America's quest to invade Iraq."
Britians: -Dancing, drinking and singing all comes to an abrupt stop- "....Wha?"
Blair: "Yep, we're invading Iraq. We're all having a meeting with a whole bunch of other countries."
Britians: "But that doesn't make any sense!"
Bush: -across the room, points at Iraq- "Iraq!"
Hussein: -wakes up, one eyeball open, one half shut, snorts, yawns, looks around- "Huh?"
Bush: "You!"
Hussein: "Me?"
Bush: "Yeah, you!"
Hussein: -looks at watch- "What? I'm killing kids in a few hours, I need to have my beauty sleep."
Cheney: "You got weapons of mass destruction!"
Hussein: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Bush: "You're building nuclear bombs and stuff!"
Hussein: "What? I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, didn't you send the UN here earlier to see if I was producing weapons of mass destruction earlier?"
Blair: "What?"
Bush: "Don't listen to him, Blair."
Blair: "Okay."
Cheney: "You have 48 hours to get out of Iraq with your sons 'n stuff or we're going to invade you."
Hussein: "Fuck you! I'm staying here because I don't have shit!"
Bush: "You're funeral." -Bush walks outside, addresses public- "Okay, America, we're invading Iraq, cause they have WMDs."
Smart Americans: -dancing around and cheering, drinking and singing comes to an abrupt end- "...huh?"
Dumb Americans: "FUCK YEAR!"
Smart Americans: "But that doesn't make any sense!"
Dumb Americans: "WE GONNA INVADE DEM IRAQ AND KILL DEM TERRORISTS FER ATTACKIN THE GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD-- UH-MERR-I-KUHHHH!!!"
Smart Americans: "Don't you people realize that these people aren't the target?"
Dumb Americans: "DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT IF YOU'RE NOT WITH US YER AGAINST US WITH THE TERRORISTS? YER A DAMB COMMIE NAZI TERRORIST MUSLUM! YOU PROBABLY HELPED WITH 9/11!"
Smart Americans: -facepalm- "Fuck."
-48 hours pass, the Death Star flies over Baghdad and zaps the living fuck out of everything-
Bush: "AHHAAHHHH, MOTHERFUCKERS! I'LL SHOW MY DADDY THAT I HAVE A BIGGER PENIS THAN HIM!"
-Iraqi citizens run around screaming-
Hussein: "OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK" -hides in hole-
Bush: "Nah-ah-ah! No you don't!" -pulls Hussein out of hole-
-United States soldiers run around screaming war cries and blasting the shit out of everything. After a few moments, they all stop and look around at each other cluelessly.-
Soldiers: "Hey, wait. Where are the WMDs?"
Smart Americans & Britains: "YOU FUCKING RETARDS!"
Bush: -looks around innocently- "Well, uh...." -puts giant sign up "Mission Accomplished"- "Mission Accomplished, guys!"
Dumb Americans: "FUCK YEAR!"
The Rest of the World: "We hate Americans now. They're stupid as hell."
Dumb Americans: "Yeh? WELL, FUCK YOU, DAMN TERRORISTS. WE'RE NOT CALLING FRENCH FRIES FRENCH FRIES ANYMORE OUT OF SPITE. WE'RE CALLING THEM FREEDOM FRIES."
Smart Americans and Britains: "So, where are our WMDs, Bush and Cheney?"
Bush: -shrugs- "I dunno. I'm pretty sure they had them."
Smart Americans and Britains: "Didn't you send the UN in to check?"
Blair: "You guys actually did send the UN in to check?"
Cheney: "Shut the fuck up, Blair."
Bush: "Well, we eliminated the world of a major threat. Aren't you asses happy? P.S. We're gonna have to have our troops sit around in Iraq for a few years while we rebuild it's government and install a democracy."
United States Soldiers: "Wait? What?"
Britain Soldiers: "What the fuck!"
Bush: -nervous laughter- "Yep! Well, uh... I'm off now. -runs away to white house and locks himself in his room-
US and British Soldiers: "FUCKING GOD DAMN IT!"
Taliban in Afghanistan: "Wheee! Iraq is left without a government! Perfect opportunity to install our operations there too!" -does that-
US and British Soldiers: "What? Why couldn't we have just stayed in Afghanistan!"
The World: "America the Retarded."
Stupid Americans: "FUCK YEAR! FIGHTIN' TERRORISTS! Boy, it's getting kinda chilly here. Hey, look! Rain! Ah, how peaceful the rain is. Boy, its getting really windy too. Hey, wait a minuet! HOLY SHIT!"
Hurricane Katrina: "OH HEY NEW ORLEANS WHAT'S GOING ON?" -destroys New Orleans-
New Orleans: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
All of America: -knocks on Bush's door- "Hey, Mr. President, New Orleans needs help."
-Bush is playing D&D with Cheney- "Yeah, give me a second. I need to save Dick from this troll."
All of America: "People are dying!"
Bush: "Just give me like.. five minutes okay."
US and British Soldiers in Iraq: "This sucks."
Hussein: -In a noose, about to be hanged- "You're all retarded." -gets hung-
-Presidential rating drop to an all-time low-
The World: "America still sucks. There's no hope for that country now."
-A mysterious figure steps in- Obama: "Somebody call me?"
Americans: "This is so horrible, who could have done such a thing! Somebody figure out who did it!"
Bush: "It was TERRORISTS!"
Americans: -wiping manly tears from eyes- "...Terrorists?"
Bush: "That's right! Terrorists! Al-Qaeda to be exact. They're in Afghanistan."
Americans: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go get them!"
Bush: "We won't fight terrorism in Afghanistan alone, we'll fight them all over the world!"
Americans: "FUCK YEAR!" -Presidential ratings skyrocket-
Bush & Cheney: -snicker- Fucking morons.
Britain: "America, we'd love to company you in your crusade against terrorists in Afghanistan."
Britians: "Well, all right, I suppose that sounds like a good idea. I do dislike terrorists."
Bush & Cheney: -whispering to each other- "Now's our chance..." -approaches Britain with confidence- "So, Tony, in our crusade against terrorism, it's come to our attention that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction: AKA WMDs.
Blair: "Really? What are your sources?"
Cheney: "...Wikipedia."
Blair: "Well, I suppose that makes sense."
Bush: "So can we invade?"
Blair: "Don't you think we should check it out first, you know, just to make sure?"
Cheney: "But we KNOW they have WMDs, can't we just invade, pleeaaaaaseeee?"
Blair: "That doesnt seem very logical to me."
-Spock steps in- Spock: Not logical indeed.
Cheney: "FINE. Send the UN in and see what we can find."
-UN knocks on Iraq's door- "Hi! Hi! Hi!"
Hussein: -just waking up, snorting- "Huh. Wha...? Who is it?"
UN: "It's the United Nations. Mind if we poke around?"
Hussein: "Go away."
UN: "Pleeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase?"
Hussein: "No. Go away." -goes back to sleep-
UN: "Fine, we'll just pester you until let us in." -knock knock knock-
-Five hours later-
Hussein: "FINE JESUS LOOK AROUND! FUCK!" -opens door-
UN: -walks in- "Thanks! We'll just poke around for a while."
Hussein: -snorts, rubs eyes- "Fine."
-They do that-
UN: "Well, it looks like we haven't found anything. Thanks for letting us in!" -walks out-
Hussein: "Whatever." -shuts door-
-UN returns to Bush, Cheney and Blair- UN: "Welp, we haven't found anything."
Cheney: "What? FUCK!"
Bush: "Well, this puts a damper on my day."
Blair: "See? Told ya. We narrowly avoided disaster."
-Bush and Cheney look at each other, they put on sunglasses and Cheney pulls out that memory eraser thing from "Men in Black" and flashes it into Tony Blair's eyes- Cheney: "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."
-Blair, hypnotized and repeating- Blair: "Iraq has weapons of mass destruction."
Bush: "Al-Qaeda is operating in Iraq."
Blair: "Al-Qaeda is operating in Iraq."
Cheney: -takes off sunglasses- "Good, now tell everyone that you're helping us invade Iraq."
Blair: "Mmkay." -walks off-
Bush: -taking off sunglasses- "Sucker."
Blair: -walks outside- "Hey ho, citizens of Britain. We're going to accompany America's quest to invade Iraq."
Britians: -Dancing, drinking and singing all comes to an abrupt stop- "....Wha?"
Blair: "Yep, we're invading Iraq. We're all having a meeting with a whole bunch of other countries."
Britians: "But that doesn't make any sense!"
Bush: -across the room, points at Iraq- "Iraq!"
Hussein: -wakes up, one eyeball open, one half shut, snorts, yawns, looks around- "Huh?"
Bush: "You!"
Hussein: "Me?"
Bush: "Yeah, you!"
Hussein: -looks at watch- "What? I'm killing kids in a few hours, I need to have my beauty sleep."
Cheney: "You got weapons of mass destruction!"
Hussein: "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Bush: "You're building nuclear bombs and stuff!"
Hussein: "What? I don't know what you're talking about. Wait, didn't you send the UN here earlier to see if I was producing weapons of mass destruction earlier?"
Blair: "What?"
Bush: "Don't listen to him, Blair."
Blair: "Okay."
Cheney: "You have 48 hours to get out of Iraq with your sons 'n stuff or we're going to invade you."
Hussein: "Fuck you! I'm staying here because I don't have shit!"
Bush: "You're funeral." -Bush walks outside, addresses public- "Okay, America, we're invading Iraq, cause they have WMDs."
Smart Americans: -dancing around and cheering, drinking and singing comes to an abrupt end- "...huh?"
Dumb Americans: "FUCK YEAR!"
Smart Americans: "But that doesn't make any sense!"
Dumb Americans: "WE GONNA INVADE DEM IRAQ AND KILL DEM TERRORISTS FER ATTACKIN THE GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD-- UH-MERR-I-KUHHHH!!!"
Smart Americans: "Don't you people realize that these people aren't the target?"
Dumb Americans: "DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT IF YOU'RE NOT WITH US YER AGAINST US WITH THE TERRORISTS? YER A DAMB COMMIE NAZI TERRORIST MUSLUM! YOU PROBABLY HELPED WITH 9/11!"
Smart Americans: -facepalm- "Fuck."
-48 hours pass, the Death Star flies over Baghdad and zaps the living fuck out of everything-
Bush: "AHHAAHHHH, MOTHERFUCKERS! I'LL SHOW MY DADDY THAT I HAVE A BIGGER PENIS THAN HIM!"
-Iraqi citizens run around screaming-
Hussein: "OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK" -hides in hole-
Bush: "Nah-ah-ah! No you don't!" -pulls Hussein out of hole-
-United States soldiers run around screaming war cries and blasting the shit out of everything. After a few moments, they all stop and look around at each other cluelessly.-
Soldiers: "Hey, wait. Where are the WMDs?"
Smart Americans & Britains: "YOU FUCKING RETARDS!"
Bush: -looks around innocently- "Well, uh...." -puts giant sign up "Mission Accomplished"- "Mission Accomplished, guys!"
Dumb Americans: "FUCK YEAR!"
The Rest of the World: "We hate Americans now. They're stupid as hell."
Dumb Americans: "Yeh? WELL, FUCK YOU, DAMN TERRORISTS. WE'RE NOT CALLING FRENCH FRIES FRENCH FRIES ANYMORE OUT OF SPITE. WE'RE CALLING THEM FREEDOM FRIES."
Smart Americans and Britains: "So, where are our WMDs, Bush and Cheney?"
Bush: -shrugs- "I dunno. I'm pretty sure they had them."
Smart Americans and Britains: "Didn't you send the UN in to check?"
Blair: "You guys actually did send the UN in to check?"
Cheney: "Shut the fuck up, Blair."
Bush: "Well, we eliminated the world of a major threat. Aren't you asses happy? P.S. We're gonna have to have our troops sit around in Iraq for a few years while we rebuild it's government and install a democracy."
United States Soldiers: "Wait? What?"
Britain Soldiers: "What the fuck!"
Bush: -nervous laughter- "Yep! Well, uh... I'm off now. -runs away to white house and locks himself in his room-
US and British Soldiers: "FUCKING GOD DAMN IT!"
Taliban in Afghanistan: "Wheee! Iraq is left without a government! Perfect opportunity to install our operations there too!" -does that-
US and British Soldiers: "What? Why couldn't we have just stayed in Afghanistan!"
The World: "America the Retarded."
Stupid Americans: "FUCK YEAR! FIGHTIN' TERRORISTS! Boy, it's getting kinda chilly here. Hey, look! Rain! Ah, how peaceful the rain is. Boy, its getting really windy too. Hey, wait a minuet! HOLY SHIT!"
Hurricane Katrina: "OH HEY NEW ORLEANS WHAT'S GOING ON?" -destroys New Orleans-
New Orleans: "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
All of America: -knocks on Bush's door- "Hey, Mr. President, New Orleans needs help."
-Bush is playing D&D with Cheney- "Yeah, give me a second. I need to save Dick from this troll."
All of America: "People are dying!"
Bush: "Just give me like.. five minutes okay."
US and British Soldiers in Iraq: "This sucks."
Hussein: -In a noose, about to be hanged- "You're all retarded." -gets hung-
-Presidential rating drop to an all-time low-
The World: "America still sucks. There's no hope for that country now."
-A mysterious figure steps in- Obama: "Somebody call me?"
JFK: "This Iraq War reminds me of the time I tried to keep US troops out of Vietnam."
LBJ: "Ho! Ho! And look at what happened to you!" -nudges Lee Harvey Oswald and grassy Knoll shooter-
LBJ: "Ho! Ho! And look at what happened to you!" -nudges Lee Harvey Oswald and grassy Knoll shooter-
by StuffedMannequin1 May 23, 2009