52 definitions by Stoney69
Similar to a Fitbit around your wrist, this device goes around your waist. Every time you defecate, it will sense that you are about to excrete fecal matter and will start going to work. With its advanced detection system, this device will calculate the amount of snickers dropped in the punch bowl, total squeezes of the sphincter, and will even detect the development of hemorrhoids during the painful process of squeezing out your piping hot logs. At the end of the week, the device will send you a report of how many dumps you have taken each day. It will also recommend lifestyle changes if you are dropping the kids off at the pool too frequently throughout the week. This device is available for a price of $69.99.
Tyrant: Yo dude, my shits have been crazy lately. The tater tots I ate yesterday legit blew through me like a laxative. I bought a Shitbit to help me track how many times I shit per day and the number is astounding. On average, i shit about 4 to 5 times a day.
Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.
Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. That’s why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.
Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.
Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.
Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. That’s why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.
Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.
by Stoney69 March 6, 2019
Having two computer monitors for the purpose of watching porn. This will allow the viewer to listen to the moaning through two high definition speakers, which makes for some great fondling and erotic ejaculations.
Big Easy: Dude, I was plowing my wife last night, and she was moaning like a whale on crack.
Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out it’s blowhole. It really works wonders.
Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.
Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out it’s blowhole. It really works wonders.
Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.
by Stoney69 March 16, 2019
Tyrant: Hey can you do me a favor? I need to ReQSST off from work tomorrow. Can I trust you to do all my work?
Big Easy: Bro I would but.... I don’t work with you anymore.
Tyrant: Shit that’s right. Guess I’ll hit up Phil Collins.
Big Easy: Bro I would but.... I don’t work with you anymore.
Tyrant: Shit that’s right. Guess I’ll hit up Phil Collins.
by Stoney69 September 22, 2019
This delicious delicacy is made with the leftover smegma from your gooch. The tasty remnants are then rolled up into little tatter tot sized balls and baked on high for 30-35 minutes. It is crucial that they are given 5 minutes to cool, as this will complete the crisping process. Recommended for ages 5+
Johnny Crapplebees: Yo Tyrant, I’m looking for a nice side to go with my turkey sandwich. Any suggestions?
Tyrantula: Juicy Johnson.. I got the perfect snack for you. Try some of the Tainter Tots I made last night, they’ll really hit the spot and even pack some protein. I also have a nice creamy dipping sauce for ya too if you’re interested ;)
Johnny Crapplebees: Wow.
Tyrantula: Juicy Johnson.. I got the perfect snack for you. Try some of the Tainter Tots I made last night, they’ll really hit the spot and even pack some protein. I also have a nice creamy dipping sauce for ya too if you’re interested ;)
Johnny Crapplebees: Wow.
by Stoney69 March 23, 2019
When a prostitute fiddles with your prostate until you toot, and then you shun her for the rest of the STD bang sesh.
Big Queefy: Yo Boner, I’m tryna hit hooters tonight, you in?
Boney Stoney: First, it’s Boney, not Boner. And second, I’m out. I’m shunning prostitutes rn, I call it prostate-toot-shun. So I’m not down with looking at any Hooter whores tonight. You’ll get multiple STDs just looking at them.
Big Queefy: True, I got Gonorrhea and Crabs just from staring at this Hooter hoe last time. Turns out the crabs were not the food like I thought..
Boney Stoney: Damn that’s hot. Nvm, I’m so in.
Boney Stoney: First, it’s Boney, not Boner. And second, I’m out. I’m shunning prostitutes rn, I call it prostate-toot-shun. So I’m not down with looking at any Hooter whores tonight. You’ll get multiple STDs just looking at them.
Big Queefy: True, I got Gonorrhea and Crabs just from staring at this Hooter hoe last time. Turns out the crabs were not the food like I thought..
Boney Stoney: Damn that’s hot. Nvm, I’m so in.
by Stoney69 July 17, 2022
This occurs when your gonads are hung like a horse and you’re sittin’ on the shit pot. When you flush, the boys get caught in the suction and are ripped from your scrotal sack and flushed into oblivion.
Tyrant: Dude you wanna hit the strip club tonight? I heard Rosie O’ Donnell is gonna be there showing off her FUPA. You could fit a fucking Boeing 737 in that puss.
Big Easy: I’m gonna have to sit this one out my dawg. Just experienced bollock butchery last night. I was going to Dunkin, and next thing I know my cojones get sucked down the shit pipe. Hoping to get a transplant in the next week. I may take one from Phil Collins. There’s a myth going around on the internet that he’s had a third nut all these years. Must be why he’s always coming in the air.
Tyrant: Dude you got serious fucking issues.
Big Easy: I’m gonna have to sit this one out my dawg. Just experienced bollock butchery last night. I was going to Dunkin, and next thing I know my cojones get sucked down the shit pipe. Hoping to get a transplant in the next week. I may take one from Phil Collins. There’s a myth going around on the internet that he’s had a third nut all these years. Must be why he’s always coming in the air.
Tyrant: Dude you got serious fucking issues.
by Stoney69 August 1, 2019
This wonderful event starts out with a man sitting on a wall to show off his crotch to a woman he has a crush on. To show the woman that he is mating material, he will hump the wall in hopes of moistening her lady garden. However, he does not realize that humping the hard wall will stimulate his spinky and cause a great fall... of shit. The poopy will land below on the woman, and all hopes of mating will be crushed.
Tyrant: Yo boss, happy Friday. Any fun plans for the weekend?
The Boss: Yea I was gonna go to the Meat Market tonight for some juicy Italian sausage, but I accidentally Humpty-Dumptied my wife last night and I gotta make it up to her.
Tyrant: Bro... you’re gonna have to explain this one.
The Boss: Okay.. so I hopped on our little wall between our living room and kitchen and figured I would try to turn her on. Turns out.. I only turned on my shit wagon and inadvertently plopped a log right on her dome. Safe to say I won’t be getting dome for a while.
Tyrant: Damn dude I’m so sorry to hear that. Hope she doesn’t get POO-TSD from that. Next time wear your Shitbit, as it would’ve warned you that logs were a brewin’.
The Boss: Yea I was gonna go to the Meat Market tonight for some juicy Italian sausage, but I accidentally Humpty-Dumptied my wife last night and I gotta make it up to her.
Tyrant: Bro... you’re gonna have to explain this one.
The Boss: Okay.. so I hopped on our little wall between our living room and kitchen and figured I would try to turn her on. Turns out.. I only turned on my shit wagon and inadvertently plopped a log right on her dome. Safe to say I won’t be getting dome for a while.
Tyrant: Damn dude I’m so sorry to hear that. Hope she doesn’t get POO-TSD from that. Next time wear your Shitbit, as it would’ve warned you that logs were a brewin’.
by Stoney69 December 18, 2020