The common practice of typing messages on a cell phone to recipients, rather than just just take the twelve seconds to call someone. Most often performed by teenage girls, these messages often include such front page news as: "OMG did U C her @ss? Itz HGE" or perhaps the ever-popular "WTF? Dani just broke up wit James!!!11!"
These messages are often life-changing, as it seems that nobody ever actually speaks to one another anymore.
My favorite example of the texting is when a teenage girl is driving, head bent down facing her cell phone, as she texts while in traffic. Young teenage girls are considered the best drivers, so surely something as simple as texting would never take away from their near-perfect driving skills. This is often proven by the practice of never using turn signals, as telling Katelyn about when to pick her up at the mall is WAY more important than letting the cars behind you know that you are about to cross three lanes of traffic.
All in all, perhaps a few head-on collisions and loss of driving privileges will be a good little lesson to the self-absorbed teenagers of today.
Texting girl driver: LYK OMG did U C TWILIGHT YET? ITZ SO FREAKIN KILL!
*sound of cars skidding to a halt and 5 car pileup*
Texting girl driver: OH MY BAD. SRRY BOUT DAT.
A huge dried and cracked turd lying unflushed in a Mexican restaraunt, primarily found at Taco Bell and other similar discount Mexican food outlets.
I was going to pinch a fat loaf in the bathroom, but someone already beat me to it with a Tacolog, and I can't even get the shitter to flush now. Great.
The act of scrunching the uncircumsised foreskin of the male member into the shape of a shot glass and filling it with the liquor of your choice for all your homies/homegirls to sample.
Person # 1: Dude, you better hurry up!
Person # 2: Why?
Person # 1: Man, Wamp is giving out the Sandusky Sombrero with Grey Goose, and you know how quick that runs out!
Person #2: Word!
To dangle precariously on the edge of a couch or table while having your partner place your testicles in their mouth and holding on tight while you jump across the room. Can result in extreme pleasure or a torn sac, perhaps both.
Womp had his new girl Oprah give him the Huber Hanglider while dangling on Becky's new ottoman.
The act of reaching into a self-contained toilet paper dispenser and instead of retrieving a bundle of TP, you unknowingly smear your hand with fecal matter left from the previous occupant of the stall that you are currently using. Known to occur regularly to both men and women, but an inordinant percentage of the recipients are from or near the city of Hamilton,OH. The same act is performed in various cities across the US under different names, such as: Cincinnati Silly Putty, Kansas City Knuckle Duster, Pittsburgh Pudding, and Albany Applesauce.
Tom: Hey, Mary, what's wrong?
Mary: Ewww! I was in the shitter and when I went to wipe I got a handful of poo!! Eww....gross!! I got the Hamilton Handshake! It was packed in there like ceiling spackle!
Tom: Yeah that's gross. Lemme have a dollar. Wait, you can keep that dollar!
**watches as poo stained dollar floats to the floor**
The visual display of a combination of sweat, crystal meth residue, cat urine, and hair grease formed into a ring that circles one's neck. Most commonly found on hitchikers, Michael Moore followers, hippies, and homeless bums. The worst cases of this can even be seen on a black shirt, although most are seen on "Bush is the devil" semi-white t-shirts. Although this is a visual phenomenon, one usually knows of an approaching dirt ring simply by the smell of sour sausage and dirty socks. For best examples of this occurrence, spend some time in the greater San Francisco area or in Greenwich Village.
Person 1: Hey, do you smell that?
Person 2: Holy shit! What smells like ground fish and asshair?
Person 1: It's that dirtball over there protesting the Republican National Convention! His dirt ring is so big it looks like a neck brace! Anyone have some Febreeze?
Great greasy little hambuger popularized in the south. Founded in Chattanooga in the 20's, some people like to compare them to White Castles. A true slider connoisseur knows that a Krystal burger trumps a White Castle. Open 24 hours, the restaurant caters to many different clientele. However, to truly understand the spiritual meaning of Krystal, they must be consumed at 3 AM after a night of hard drinking. It is here where I will recommend that people suffering from constipation can find a cure at any local Krystal. The day following a Krystal binge will completely cleanse your gastrointestinal system of any remaining blockage, with prejudice. Even with the colonic hurricane that follows, Kystals are an absolute Southern treasure.
Night before: Woohoo! Damn I'm drunk! Let's go hit up Krystals and get our bash on!
Day after: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the shitter. Open the windows, and for God's sake don't light a match!