6 definitions by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr
Giving a non-denominational fart and prayer in tribute to a fallen subjects memory. A far more tangible take on the often and overall useless but nevertheless used 'thoughts and prayers.'
Goofus: Dawwwg! Remember that bitch Bernice from high school who's dog died in 9-11? I ran into the bitch at my daughters school bake sale and I was all of a sudden so overcome with muthafuckin' emotion from her struggle to overcome that loss that my bowels overtook my heart and I farted in front of her and then dropped to one knee and said a hail mary in remembrance to fido. Just one because dogs are not equal to people but enough to not let his loss not be in vain. I think its from all that Amy Grant i've been listening to lately B. Anyways, Farts and Prayers.
Gallant: You are such an insensitive and insufferable prick!
Gallant: You are such an insensitive and insufferable prick!
by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr October 18, 2020
Goofus: *Gentle fluted tune plays*
Gallant: Oh that is so nice to hear, you're actually cultured! When did you take up the flute Goofus?
Goofus: *HNNNGGHH*
*PLOPP*
*Ahhhhhhhhhh*
*Flute drops in toilet on top of cake of feces*
...FUCK that's the stuff!!! *Shivers* I haven't shat like that since the Gulf War. I passed that beast standing up too, with my foot on the toilet roll dispenser. Kind of like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. That turd dilated my asshole to the circumference of a basketball hoop and hit the water like the fucking wreckage of the Challenger explosion. Thick as a brick dawg! I even stole a flute from the local grade school to play a little Aqualung! But just dropped it in the shitter. Chang isn't gonna get that one back hahaha! *Shivers* Wowwww bro, you ever shit so hard it lowers your body temperature??? Think my butthole just sneezed
Gallant: Shut the FUCK UP!!!
Gallant: Oh that is so nice to hear, you're actually cultured! When did you take up the flute Goofus?
Goofus: *HNNNGGHH*
*PLOPP*
*Ahhhhhhhhhh*
*Flute drops in toilet on top of cake of feces*
...FUCK that's the stuff!!! *Shivers* I haven't shat like that since the Gulf War. I passed that beast standing up too, with my foot on the toilet roll dispenser. Kind of like Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull. That turd dilated my asshole to the circumference of a basketball hoop and hit the water like the fucking wreckage of the Challenger explosion. Thick as a brick dawg! I even stole a flute from the local grade school to play a little Aqualung! But just dropped it in the shitter. Chang isn't gonna get that one back hahaha! *Shivers* Wowwww bro, you ever shit so hard it lowers your body temperature??? Think my butthole just sneezed
Gallant: Shut the FUCK UP!!!
by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr January 9, 2021
Goofus:...So bro, I try to zip up my pants and I trip over her middle school diploma rolled up on the floor and then her dad busts in the room acting like someone broke into the place. So I wipe my dick off on the drapes and tuck myself into my pants and ask him what the bummer was!? He was completely harshing our mellow! I had to try and settle him down, letting him know how uncool it was to cockblock his own daughter, but he wasn't having it and said I had to leave! He kept on saying how he recognized me from his 20 year high school reunion and all this old dude shit. This went on for about an hour and he was just acting like a complete dick bro, like it just went in circles on and on and on. Like, its as if his dicky-ness were spokes on a bike wheel. And instead of bike spokes they were dicks. Like a wagon-wheel but like a Dick Wheel bro. You feel me?
Gallant: ...it takes everything in me to not call your Parole Officer on an hourly basis
Gallant: ...it takes everything in me to not call your Parole Officer on an hourly basis
by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr October 27, 2020
Goofus: Damn B, those 3 Miami Shit Machines that I bought from the Wawa and ate right after running over that 'gator in your hovercraft are giving me the bubble guts. I think i'm crowning dog! Good thing we're in the everglades and I can just pinch one off the side and chum these here waters for more 'gators. These beasts have a taste for gloria estefan and cuban sweetbreads.
Gallant: ...
Gallant: ...
by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr October 27, 2020
Goofus: Unnnnggghhhh *Frrrrrp* *PLOP*
Gallant: What the...oh for fucks sake what the fuck just rolled down your leg out of your shorts?
Goofus: *Groan in relief* I'm so sorry dawg. I just trumped in my pants after voting yes on Prop number 2. Didn't wear my BVD's today so the turd base jumped out of my asshole and onto the floor with total ease bro. You should try it sometime, let the republicans deal with the mess after they lose, they earned it hahaha!
Gallant: I will not try it sometime! What the fuck is the matter with you!? You first shit your pants in the Ross changing room and now this!? You're a taxpayer goddamnit! Stop shitting your pants and act like one!
Gallant: What the...oh for fucks sake what the fuck just rolled down your leg out of your shorts?
Goofus: *Groan in relief* I'm so sorry dawg. I just trumped in my pants after voting yes on Prop number 2. Didn't wear my BVD's today so the turd base jumped out of my asshole and onto the floor with total ease bro. You should try it sometime, let the republicans deal with the mess after they lose, they earned it hahaha!
Gallant: I will not try it sometime! What the fuck is the matter with you!? You first shit your pants in the Ross changing room and now this!? You're a taxpayer goddamnit! Stop shitting your pants and act like one!
by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr November 1, 2020
A used condom filled with ejaculate that is covered in human feces from gay anal sex that has washed upon any shore along the San Francisco Bay Area coastline. A variation of the fabled and legendary Coney Island White Fish.
Goofus: Yo' dawg remember when I was at your house last week and I had to pinch a loaf in your parents bedroom because they were fumigating the guest bathroom for fartworm? Well dawg I didn't mean to snoop but before I could make brown, I opened the toilet and saw a fresh healthy San Francisco White Fish swimming around. I think it might have been part Koi as it had a brown birthmark on its forehead. But what I'm assuming is that the last time your parents were on a romantic walk on baker beach, they saw this little fella' wash up on shore and instead of doing the humane and sensible thing and throw it back, they decided to bring it home risking its life further and raising it in this toilet in hopes to be domesticated. That or your dad had gay anal sex behind your moms back and got fucked up the ass!
Gallant: Fuck you you stupid motherfucker!!!
Gallant: Fuck you you stupid motherfucker!!!
by Queef_Quackenbush_Jr November 9, 2020