Being Vietnamese is about riding in a Chinese motorbike to an local pub for a Lao beer, then travelling home, grabbing Cambodian common rat dishes on the way, phoning friends by a Finnish mobile phone, sitting on Italian furniture and watching Korean films on a Japanese TV every night as well.
*Vietnamese: I like these kinds of food such as squared sticky rice cakes, Pho, caramelised fish in claypot (ca kho to), Bun oc, Hu tieu, to name but a few.
*Korean: What about Lao beer? D'you like watching Korean films?
*Vietnamse: I do absolutely!
*Korean: You must be Vietnamese fo sho, man!
Would Like To Marry.
I WLTM if teh following MARRIAGE TERMS AND CONDITIONS are met:
• Please if U see me upset as one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say 'get over it, its only a game', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If U say these things, U will only make me angrier and I’ll luv U less. Remember, U will nave ever kno more about fitba than me and your so called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce. It’d be a good idea for U to keep at least 2 six packs in teh fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please don’t make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch teh games. In return, U will be allowed to use teh TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game dat I missed during teh day.
• Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings dat requires my attendance because:
I won’t go…However, if my pals invite us to their house on a Sun to watch a game, we’ll be there in a flash.
• If U have to pass by in front of teh TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting in teh beers, I don't mind, as long as U crawl along teh floor.
• During teh games I’ll be blinkered to match. U can’t expect me to listen to U, it will nave happen.
• And finally, please save yr expressions such as: 'Thank God teh fitba season’s only every 4 years'. I’m immune to these words, b’coz after this comes teh Champions League, Premier League...
The Cuckoo Clock
At about 3AM, I was drunk as a skunk because there was a lot of voddy. So, with a certain time limit, I did down it. I came home just in time to hear the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, I cuckooed nine more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. I was very proud of myself.
The next day, my wife asked what time I got home, and I replied, "Midnight, just like I said."
She said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she answered, "Last night when it cuckooed midnight, it cuckooed three times, said 'S%!t!,' cuckooed four more times, farted, cuckooed three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then started giggling.
A cafe serving simple, basic food.
Dude 1: When working at that new institution, you should equip yourself with a car, a business suit, a gold wrist watch to make you much more attractive to new chicks there, man.
Dude 2: Do I need a dog and bone?
Dude 1: Absolutely, you need it to tell your top dog you are working while you are in the caff with pals during the office hours!
Nghe An or Nghean
Nghe An is a province in North Central Vietnam. It is the hometown of Ho Chi Minh, the former president of Vietnam as well as the cradle of nearly every talent in Vietnam. Nghe An people have won kudos for their intelligence, diligence, eagerness to study and their hospitality, cultural traditional imbued with national identity. Nghe An is fast changing with every passing days. Also, Nghe An is famous for its traditional folk songs which belong to a genre of traditional art, Vi Dam, and tobacco as well.
1. I have known many persons who turned their gold into smoke, but in Nghe An, people are the first to turn smoke into gold.
2. A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Nghe An rustic tobacco.
It began to pour down raining, so the red head and brunette both pull out a nodder and put it on their cigs. The blonde says "what are you doing?" - and they say "we're saving it for later!"
Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a nodder. The clerk says "What size? small, medium, or large?" She said "I dont know... one to fit a camel?"
Girl friend or gf.
There are many good things in life, like cars, money, and weed. But if you want something confusing, a girl friend is all you need.
Your babe doesn't say what she wants, but you're somehow supposed to know. If they want to do this or do that, stay here, stay there, or just go.
Then there's the time, you all know what I mean, that monthly little joy. That lets them abuse the crap out of you, just for being a boy.
If you ever dare look at another hot chick, they seem to scream, go on, and panic. But watch how fast they ignore you, at the sight of that queer from Titanic.
They give you questions like "Am I fat?", and "If you could go with one of my pals, who?". There is no answer, face the facts, you are definitely through.
They take nothing and blow it up, and make a tremendous fuss. So girls, no matter what you think, you are just as hard to understand as us. What a bit of stuff!
Niggardly Asinine Zionist Idiot.
J.H.W. Bush: My son you’re such a poor bastard when you let your army invade Iraq!
J.W. Bush: Phew…Nah, I am sure that I did sell much more weapons than ever before. Your NAZI at heart, daddy.