1 definition by Phostopheles
Expletive. Something so deluded with platitudes and presuppositionalism as to be entirely void of coherency and purpose. To be used in frustration when encountering popular media that was so clearly pandering to a lower denominator as to be insulting to the viewer's intelligence. Can be extended to include any adaptation that requires full knowledge of the source material to make any sense. Referencing the 1971 catastrophe, in which Christian apologism, hippy love, pop culture, and worship rock united in a singularity of unparalleled intellectual masturbation. Has possibly been appropriated by those too weak to resist as a banner of compartmentalized conviction.
John: Out of the way, make room for Jesus!
Super Jesus: God save the people!
Audience Member: What people? The people who just randomly started following you around stage?
Super Jesus: Story time everyone!
Neitzche: Apparently I'm a theist now. I love you Jesus!
Socrates: Me too! Allow me to spout derisive ad baculums! You're going to hell for not following the rules.
Audience Member: Why do you love him? You just met ten minutes ago. These rules are news to me.
Luther: Bless the Lord! With metaphors!
Da Vinci: Thank the Lord! With metaphors!
Fuller: We are metaphorical Jesuses!
Audience Member: Wait, back up. You still haven't answered my questions. Also, what?
Super Jesus: Suddenly I am angry with pharisees for being torah literalists. Hypocrites!
Audience Member: What was wrong with the old stuff? How are your stories better? ANSWER ME JESUS.
Sartre: Don't leave me Jesus!
Aquinas: Hear us!
Audience Member: I CAN HEAR YOU. CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Super Jesus: Let's build a city.
Disciples: Nope, we're possessed by Satan.
Judas: And now I have to kill you. I'm not sure why.
Audience Member: EXPOSITION GUYS, NOT THAT HARD.
Super Jesus: I'M BLEEDING!!!! I'M DEAD.
Audience Member: ........
Super Jesus: Don't worry, I'll come back tomorrow to take your money again.
Audience Member: .........................Godspell.
Super Jesus: God save the people!
Audience Member: What people? The people who just randomly started following you around stage?
Super Jesus: Story time everyone!
Neitzche: Apparently I'm a theist now. I love you Jesus!
Socrates: Me too! Allow me to spout derisive ad baculums! You're going to hell for not following the rules.
Audience Member: Why do you love him? You just met ten minutes ago. These rules are news to me.
Luther: Bless the Lord! With metaphors!
Da Vinci: Thank the Lord! With metaphors!
Fuller: We are metaphorical Jesuses!
Audience Member: Wait, back up. You still haven't answered my questions. Also, what?
Super Jesus: Suddenly I am angry with pharisees for being torah literalists. Hypocrites!
Audience Member: What was wrong with the old stuff? How are your stories better? ANSWER ME JESUS.
Sartre: Don't leave me Jesus!
Aquinas: Hear us!
Audience Member: I CAN HEAR YOU. CAN YOU HEAR ME?
Super Jesus: Let's build a city.
Disciples: Nope, we're possessed by Satan.
Judas: And now I have to kill you. I'm not sure why.
Audience Member: EXPOSITION GUYS, NOT THAT HARD.
Super Jesus: I'M BLEEDING!!!! I'M DEAD.
Audience Member: ........
Super Jesus: Don't worry, I'll come back tomorrow to take your money again.
Audience Member: .........................Godspell.
by Phostopheles February 18, 2014