Top Definition
Fascinating intellectual breakthroughs regarding reality, language, existence, knowledge, perception, or human behavior which are completely unprovable and utterly without use, and therefore of no real consequence to anyone. See also: philosophy

Etymology: the mental counterpart to masturbation; i.e. a process that is very pleasurable but hasn't accomplished anything at the end.
The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis states that language influences human thought, so that native speakers of different languages think about concepts in incommensurably distinct modes. Linguists and psychologists contend fiercely over the validity of this claim, oblivious to the fact that it is intellectual masturbation.
by samd12345 August 04, 2007
speaking for the sole pleasure of listening to yourself and showing off your supposed intellectual and linguistic capacities.
John continually goes on about the merits of Times New Roman. He does so in a completely self-absorbed, disinterested tone.

John- (weary tone) "You simply can't comprehend the intrinsic value of Times New Roman font to our society and the way we decipher the world. There is evidently a plethora of ways it has effected our daily experiences."

Tim- "John, do cease your intellectual masturbation. It bores me to an umpteenth degree. My finely tuned ears were not designed for your incessant blabber."
by Harrisburg Dairies December 15, 2011
an activity or sport where the primary result is the actor feeling intellectually superior or abnormally arrogant for absolutely no reason. This can be achieved by wearing fancy clothing, using vocabulary that no one else would ever use, or using titles that make absolutely no sense.
Guy 1: Hey dude! How was that class debate?
Guy 2: It was freaking awesome. It was pure intellectual Masturbation.
by alexrider March 09, 2015
Either debating/arguing/discussing about things(for more than a short bit of time) that don't matter, or debating/arguing/discussing about things that matter without taking any action.
Examples of "Intellectual Masturbation":

Debating/arguing/discussing about things that don't matter:
Jeremy: did you hear about the new stabbing?
Zoey: yeah, it is really terrible... I wonder why this keeps happening? people in the world... are sometimes so unpredictable.
Jeremy: Yeah... I hear you. I hope nothing like this happens again. Damn... those things are just so awful...


Jeremy: So my friend made a theater room in his apartment and they barely watch anything there.
Zoey: I would actually watch stuff in a theater room if I had one.


Jeremy: I think League of Legends is better than Dota
Zoey: I think Dota is better than League of Legends
Jeremy: Ok, let's give our full opinion and discuss exactly why we think they way we do.

Debating/arguing/discussing about things that matter without taking any action:
Jeremy: our system is broken... we really need to fix it. People need to be nicer to each other.
Zoey: You are So right. Change has to happen
Jeremy: Anyway... I gotta go to my 9 to 5 job. Wanna watch the new episode of Game of Thrones later?
Zoey: Yeah. Gonna go to study literature, I hope to become a book author. Maybe I'll even write a book about how the world needs to change.
Jeremy: Catch you later!
Zoey: Bye bye!
by JohnSmith532452452 October 31, 2015
Talking about important subjects rationally and objectively and making perfect sense but not taking action towards helping the situations.
Examples of Intellectual Masturbation: Saying things like "If all the rich people in the world gave X % of their money, a lot of world problems would be solved." , or "The money that goes into American Idol could save millions of lives." without doing anything about the issues.
by JohnSmith532452452 October 24, 2015
To engage in a passionate discussion with someone you are feicely sttracted to about a subject that fascinates the pair of you intensely, to the point at which one or both participants become sexually aroused.
S: "Human history is a series of revolutions of the modes of production"
J: "Mmm... Keep talking dialectics to me, I'm almost at full mast"
S: "Go play with your means of reproduction"
J: "This is some intense intellectual masturbation"
by Mr. Comrade August 17, 2015
Straining your thinking processes repeatedly until you hopefully find resolution in the form of an intellectual orgasm.
Wacking off theory after theory until you come to a head with a solution.
I've been working on this problem continually for some time, and my intellectual masturbation has finally led to resolution.

Jane: Did you get your homework finished?

Dick: I spent last night engaged in intellectual masturbation til I finally was satisfied. It really drained me.
by peckerwould April 25, 2010
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