4 definitions by OldManPatterson

Top Definition
A variation on the traditional Bacon Battle, this version is equivalent to an extreme sport. Two gentlemen must retire to the home of one lady, and, while one of the gentlemen tastes the sweet nectar of said lady, the other searches her house for bacon. Having found as much bacon as he can, this gentlemen proceeds, unnoticed by the otherwise occupied lady, to cook all the bacon. He will not eat it, but, when it is cooked, he will instead leave the premises, and go to a pre-arranged meeting place, where he will meet up with his team mate later. The team mate will tell him how the lady reacted upon finding out that all her bacon had been cooked. Warning: hilarity is likely to ensue. It is also important to remember that an Ultimate Bacon Battle is a team sport, and striving for individual glory will not be tolerated.
Bill and Ben completed an Ultimate Bacon Battle. Ben cooked the bacon, while Bill porked the lady. A good time was had by all.
by OldManPatterson February 13, 2013
When you can't find a friend for a regular Bacon Battle you can still play by yourself. This version is very simple. You must go back to a lady's house and, having finished tasting of her sweet nectar, go down to the kitchen and steal as much of her food as you can. The beauty of the Solo Bacon Battle is that it's not limited to bacon. You are encouraged to steal any food you can get your hands on. Just make sure you don't get caught!
Ben was busy last night, so Bill did a Solo Bacon Battle. He completely emptied out Mary's fridge. Now she has no food.
by OldManPatterson February 13, 2013
A celebratory occasion traditionally held the morning after a Bacon Battle, in which the winner invites all other competitors, as well as the Bacon Baron, over for a big fry-up of all the bacon.
We had an awesome Bacon Burning this morning. Bill cooked us up a shit-load of bacon. It tasted so good.
by OldManPatterson February 13, 2013
The ceremony that determines the winner of a Bacon Battle. All competitors must submit their bacon to the Bacon Baron to be weighed. The winner is the gentleman who has stolen the most bacon.
At the Weighing of the Bacon it was concluded that Bill won the Bacon Battle. His total of ten kilograms of bacon was more than Ben's total of four kilograms.
by OldManPatterson February 13, 2013
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