Nigel Fleming's definitions

dead egg

A particularlt revolting smell expelled from your anus that has the aroma of a rotten, dying egg.

Oh my God, can you smell that? Some bastard has just dropped a dead egg!

by Nigel Fleming July 6, 2006

skundered

The Irish version of bored. Used by hill billy locals in back street, one pony towns to try to sound intelligent.

Heh, Seamus, did you get up to anything intersting last night?
Nah, I was so skundered I ended up reading the Dictionary.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

albino turd

A white or cream coloured turd. Often dismissed as an urban legend, I assure you, these gems do exist. Very rare and the source of much amusement to all who see one, they usually make themselves apparant in the work place or at school.

I could have laughed myself silly seeing that albino turd in the school toilets, what a sight!

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

abort a turd

The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.

Christ on a bike, that curry last night was so hot I had to abort a turd, it absolutely killed!

by Nigel Fleming July 9, 2006

wank mop

Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.

I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

rag monster

An annoying female who gives the impression that she is always on her period. They stomp around tutting all day, have mood swings constantly and will snap and cry at the slightest provocation. If you think you are currently seeing one of these ladies, get rid!

Neil: I can't take it anymore, she's doing my head in all the time, everyday.
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!

by Nigel Fleming July 18, 2006

tuppeny whore

A lady of the night who will perform any sordid act for the meagre price of a tuppeny bit( Old British coin). These women roamed the streets around the start of the 20th century, waiting for men to cross their filthy palms with the modern day equivalent of the price of a cup of coffee. Very skanky ladies indeed.

I say Humphry, have you any plans this evening?
Why no Henry, shall we partake of a tuppeny whore a piece, then retire to our wives?

by Nigel Fleming July 19, 2006