Nigel Fleming's definitions

wank mop

Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.

I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

abort a turd

The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.

Christ on a bike, that curry last night was so hot I had to abort a turd, it absolutely killed!

by Nigel Fleming July 9, 2006

stubborn turd

An especially annoying piece of faecal matter that will try its damndest to stay in your anus, as if clinging on to life itself. Blood vesels may be burst trying to shift one of these bastards, be careful!

Oh my God, half an hour it took me to drop that stubborn turd from my arse, but boy was it worth the wait!

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

rouse

A Northerners term for a rodent that has the appearance of a mouse from the front, but the long tail of a rat, hence rouse. Seldom seen before nightfall, these shy beasts feed on scraps of waste from Kebab shops and pizza parlours.

I saw what looked like a cross between a mouse and a rat outside that kebab shop last night, I think it was a rouse, bastard thing!

by Nigel Fleming July 15, 2006

do a radcliffe

Noun: To squat down, completely out of the blue, to the shock and disgust of everybody, and proceed to piss everywhere without a care in the world.

Sonya: Fucking hell I'm completely pissed after those beers, I'm just gonna pop over there and do a radcliffe.
Noreen: You fucking dirty bitch, where's your self respect?
Sonya: Ha, that was left in my mothers womb along with my brains when they pulled my sorry arse out!

by Nigel Fleming August 5, 2006

rag monster

An annoying female who gives the impression that she is always on her period. They stomp around tutting all day, have mood swings constantly and will snap and cry at the slightest provocation. If you think you are currently seeing one of these ladies, get rid!

Neil: I can't take it anymore, she's doing my head in all the time, everyday.
Nigel: I warned you there'd be trouble with her, she's one of the biggest rag monsters I've had the misfortune of ever meeting!

by Nigel Fleming July 18, 2006

skundered

The Irish version of bored. Used by hill billy locals in back street, one pony towns to try to sound intelligent.

Heh, Seamus, did you get up to anything intersting last night?
Nah, I was so skundered I ended up reading the Dictionary.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006