Luke Warm's definitions
Abstaining from sexual activities for whatever reason
Cliff Richard is a member of the Church of Cliff Richard (I have my own doubts on the validity of his claim though)
Cliff Richard is a member of the Church of Cliff Richard (I have my own doubts on the validity of his claim though)
There are a wide variety of circumstances/choices that may qualify one for induction into the Church of Cliff Richard.
These include but are certainly not limited to:
1. Lack of interest
2. Lack of opportunity
3. Lack of effort
4. Lack of time
5. Lack of intelligence
6. Lack of self esteem/self worth/meaning/ego/gerbils/etc
7. Lack of puberty
8. Lack of appendages (apologies to those lacking appendages. Second hand hardly used or virgin appendages can be purchased at the gift shop of your local ‘Cliff’ – most of these have been repeatedly polished to perfection by experts in their field)
9. Physically unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
10. Emotionally unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
11. Morally unattractive to that which you are attracted to. (not necessarily a bad thing if they are evil n’ stuff, Bogans,)
12. Financially unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
13. Painful history/ poor choice in previous co-pilots on the airship of love
Excerpt from ‘The big book of Cliff – Chapter 11 The toe of the camel, verse 8:
And Cliffs half-brother Ralph’s next door neighbour’s grand daughter’s friend’s uncle did sayeth:
“I do believe there is at least one soul mate out there for everyone.
But there are approximately 6,869,575,369 (Six Billion, eight hundred and sixty nine million, five hundred and seventy five thousand, three hundred and sixty nine) people on this planet (most of them Bogans – that is a truck load of Bogans) at the moment; give up now, more chance of winning the lottery than finding true love. There is also the possibility that your soul mate could be born on the day that you die at the ripe old age of 267 after an extremely long, lonely, boring and meaningless life; that would kind of suck, but on the bright side you would be dead so you wouldn’t know anyway ”
Go Cliff, its ya birfday
…on Monday 14/10/1940
Hmm… “Monday’s child is fair of face” – too true, Cliff always did have very nice facial skin – very tanned for a Pom, very tanned indeed.
Luke Warm is a proud (refer: tool) member of the Church of Cliff Richard
While this is not a philosophy that I preach in the streets; it is who I am and is very important to me (refer: tool).
Anything or anyone that has an issue with my beliefs is more than welcome to do whatever they wish as long as it does not involve turning me on in anyway. You have been warned, I will most likely explode …and then some from any external stimuli regardless of whether it be emotional or physical.
Remember kids…
“It is indeed rad and hot to be Cliff
You cannot get hurt if you do not have feelings.
Close your heart and your soul, limit your mind; be one with nothing.”
Saturday 20/12/2008
These include but are certainly not limited to:
1. Lack of interest
2. Lack of opportunity
3. Lack of effort
4. Lack of time
5. Lack of intelligence
6. Lack of self esteem/self worth/meaning/ego/gerbils/etc
7. Lack of puberty
8. Lack of appendages (apologies to those lacking appendages. Second hand hardly used or virgin appendages can be purchased at the gift shop of your local ‘Cliff’ – most of these have been repeatedly polished to perfection by experts in their field)
9. Physically unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
10. Emotionally unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
11. Morally unattractive to that which you are attracted to. (not necessarily a bad thing if they are evil n’ stuff, Bogans,)
12. Financially unattractive to that which you are attracted to.
13. Painful history/ poor choice in previous co-pilots on the airship of love
Excerpt from ‘The big book of Cliff – Chapter 11 The toe of the camel, verse 8:
And Cliffs half-brother Ralph’s next door neighbour’s grand daughter’s friend’s uncle did sayeth:
“I do believe there is at least one soul mate out there for everyone.
But there are approximately 6,869,575,369 (Six Billion, eight hundred and sixty nine million, five hundred and seventy five thousand, three hundred and sixty nine) people on this planet (most of them Bogans – that is a truck load of Bogans) at the moment; give up now, more chance of winning the lottery than finding true love. There is also the possibility that your soul mate could be born on the day that you die at the ripe old age of 267 after an extremely long, lonely, boring and meaningless life; that would kind of suck, but on the bright side you would be dead so you wouldn’t know anyway ”
Go Cliff, its ya birfday
…on Monday 14/10/1940
Hmm… “Monday’s child is fair of face” – too true, Cliff always did have very nice facial skin – very tanned for a Pom, very tanned indeed.
Luke Warm is a proud (refer: tool) member of the Church of Cliff Richard
While this is not a philosophy that I preach in the streets; it is who I am and is very important to me (refer: tool).
Anything or anyone that has an issue with my beliefs is more than welcome to do whatever they wish as long as it does not involve turning me on in anyway. You have been warned, I will most likely explode …and then some from any external stimuli regardless of whether it be emotional or physical.
Remember kids…
“It is indeed rad and hot to be Cliff
You cannot get hurt if you do not have feelings.
Close your heart and your soul, limit your mind; be one with nothing.”
Saturday 20/12/2008
by Luke Warm December 23, 2008
Get the Church of Cliff Richardmug. Slang abbreviation of the fungal disease 'Scrophulareaceae Rot'
Although this invigorating fungi is primarily to be found growing on plants within the Scrophulareaceae family; it can also commonly be observed (under magnification) on Woolly bush (Adenanthos serecieus) and on the hirsute gonad pouch of the lesser brained Random bogan
Although this invigorating fungi is primarily to be found growing on plants within the Scrophulareaceae family; it can also commonly be observed (under magnification) on Woolly bush (Adenanthos serecieus) and on the hirsute gonad pouch of the lesser brained Random bogan
Bogan1: "Tafe was so luke warm today; it is a good thing I had the scrot rot to keep me company"
Bogan2 (bogan in denial of being a bogan): You are such a Bogan
Dude1: "Dude, I have to tell you something; I dont think you are going to be krossd about it"
Dude2: "Dude, you know you can tell me anything dude. You're like my brother from another mother, dude"
Dude1: Well since you brought that up. I caught the scrot rot from you mums hot knickers dude; I'm sorry dude, but Im so scared, please hold me dude"
Dude2: Fuck off you Random bogan mother fucker
Dude1: Fair enough dude
In all seriousness folks, we have to inform you that the risk of contracting 'Scrot rot' in todays world of automobiles, double ended purple dildo bongs and other such fancy stuff is all too real.
We must protect ourselves; we must preserve our way of life for the good of humanity; for the survival of the earth herself.
Please; if you care you can help, you can make a real difference – it will only take half an hour or so a week out of your busy life, and it is both satisfying and easy to do. Take the time to shave or wax your 'fun zone' - it is the only way we can contain this epidemic and save countless souls the undeniable agony of itchy nuts.
Thankyou for your consideration of this matter.
This community service announcement was generously brought to you by the guys n’ gals down at:
Be a better Bogan inc.
Bobs dildo shop “From big to small, we shall fill them all”
And
Lionels house of Mirkin “mmm… Lionels”
Bogan2 (bogan in denial of being a bogan): You are such a Bogan
Dude1: "Dude, I have to tell you something; I dont think you are going to be krossd about it"
Dude2: "Dude, you know you can tell me anything dude. You're like my brother from another mother, dude"
Dude1: Well since you brought that up. I caught the scrot rot from you mums hot knickers dude; I'm sorry dude, but Im so scared, please hold me dude"
Dude2: Fuck off you Random bogan mother fucker
Dude1: Fair enough dude
In all seriousness folks, we have to inform you that the risk of contracting 'Scrot rot' in todays world of automobiles, double ended purple dildo bongs and other such fancy stuff is all too real.
We must protect ourselves; we must preserve our way of life for the good of humanity; for the survival of the earth herself.
Please; if you care you can help, you can make a real difference – it will only take half an hour or so a week out of your busy life, and it is both satisfying and easy to do. Take the time to shave or wax your 'fun zone' - it is the only way we can contain this epidemic and save countless souls the undeniable agony of itchy nuts.
Thankyou for your consideration of this matter.
This community service announcement was generously brought to you by the guys n’ gals down at:
Be a better Bogan inc.
Bobs dildo shop “From big to small, we shall fill them all”
And
Lionels house of Mirkin “mmm… Lionels”
by Luke Warm October 21, 2008
Get the Scrot rotmug. Jade is a generally green semi precious gemstone and as well as being a colour (Hex: 558A84 RGB: 85,138,132.) It is also the best name for a female (of any species) The name Jade is best suited to someone with dark hair and tends to conjure up an oriental feel (mmm... sounds hot)
The love of my life,
My reason for existence;
All my dreams come true,
I offer no resistance.
Bad poetry will I write,
far past the end of time;
my drink of choice is vodka,
with soda, lemon and lime.
Life is hard, I must admit my despair
I am in love, all should be so sweet
What is so right cannot be wrong
I love you
Note: it is the authors opinion that poetry does not have to rhyme. This point is especially valid when the poetry in question is of such a poor standard as is the case above.
However; this is of no importance as
I love Jade and I will continue to regardless of everything
Jade is Sweetness
Tracey is a Bogan
I am and have always been The lowest priority
My reason for existence;
All my dreams come true,
I offer no resistance.
Bad poetry will I write,
far past the end of time;
my drink of choice is vodka,
with soda, lemon and lime.
Life is hard, I must admit my despair
I am in love, all should be so sweet
What is so right cannot be wrong
I love you
Note: it is the authors opinion that poetry does not have to rhyme. This point is especially valid when the poetry in question is of such a poor standard as is the case above.
However; this is of no importance as
I love Jade and I will continue to regardless of everything
Jade is Sweetness
Tracey is a Bogan
I am and have always been The lowest priority
by Luke Warm December 23, 2008
Get the Jademug. Australian or New Zealander who possesses no class at all
Refer: white trash, red-neck, trailer trash, alcoholic, breeder, simpleton, Victorian, Geelong, Prahran, Shepparton
Refer: white trash, red-neck, trailer trash, alcoholic, breeder, simpleton, Victorian, Geelong, Prahran, Shepparton
The traditional Bogan:
Identification key for the male of the species:
Black desert boots, tight black jeans, blue singlet or black t-shirt (AC-DC etc), blue chequered flannelette (flanny) long sleeved shirt.
Mullet haircut (Short at the front, long at the back – refer: Billy Ray Cyrus The haircut with its own motto: 'Business at the front, party at the back' in some circles also referred to as: 'Party at the back, business at the front' Either way it is still a shit haircut.
Smokes ‘winfield blues’, these are generally located rolled up in the sleeve of the ‘flanny’
Drinks Victoria Bitter (VB)
Drives a generally loud V8 Holden or Ford with a stupid sticker on the back taking the piss out of the make of car that they do not drive; or simply stating the make/model of car that they do drive, just in case they forget.
Identification key for the female of the species:
Loud whore with way too many snotty brats, horrible shrill voice, shocking accent, really stupid (no analogy available), shops at Safeway, also possesses all of the traits of the male of the species.
Social activities include: going down the pub, drinking, arguing, violence, breeding, prejudice of all varieties, watching the footy, watching Big Brother, watching Greys anatomy, watching today tonight and A current affair to see what their relatives are up to, watching the cricket, ten-pin bowling, doing burnouts and bog laps (bogan laps = driving around town just because), filling the front yard up with cars thereby further devaluing the neighbourhood, bbq’s and referring to everyone else as bogans (no I am not a bogan; don’t be a smart-arse lol)
The contemporary Bogan:
White trash with a severe American influence on their language, social skills and lack of fashion sense.
Friday 26/12/2008
Identification key for the male of the species:
Black desert boots, tight black jeans, blue singlet or black t-shirt (AC-DC etc), blue chequered flannelette (flanny) long sleeved shirt.
Mullet haircut (Short at the front, long at the back – refer: Billy Ray Cyrus The haircut with its own motto: 'Business at the front, party at the back' in some circles also referred to as: 'Party at the back, business at the front' Either way it is still a shit haircut.
Smokes ‘winfield blues’, these are generally located rolled up in the sleeve of the ‘flanny’
Drinks Victoria Bitter (VB)
Drives a generally loud V8 Holden or Ford with a stupid sticker on the back taking the piss out of the make of car that they do not drive; or simply stating the make/model of car that they do drive, just in case they forget.
Identification key for the female of the species:
Loud whore with way too many snotty brats, horrible shrill voice, shocking accent, really stupid (no analogy available), shops at Safeway, also possesses all of the traits of the male of the species.
Social activities include: going down the pub, drinking, arguing, violence, breeding, prejudice of all varieties, watching the footy, watching Big Brother, watching Greys anatomy, watching today tonight and A current affair to see what their relatives are up to, watching the cricket, ten-pin bowling, doing burnouts and bog laps (bogan laps = driving around town just because), filling the front yard up with cars thereby further devaluing the neighbourhood, bbq’s and referring to everyone else as bogans (no I am not a bogan; don’t be a smart-arse lol)
The contemporary Bogan:
White trash with a severe American influence on their language, social skills and lack of fashion sense.
Friday 26/12/2008
by Luke Warm January 5, 2009
Get the Boganmug. An expression used to convey various reactions to events. ‘What the fuck?’ may be used in an attempt to explain any one or combination of the reactions/emotions listed below and then some.
A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
‘What the fuck?’ Is rarely used as a positive statement; however it may be used ironically to convey such is life (refer ex G)
A: Confusion
Why would someone use someone else who is in love with them?
B: Incredulous confusion
How could you use me to make him jealous?, to get yourself a valentines day present?, to add some excitement to your life?, to distract you?, to improve your ego?, to do most of your study?, to improve your sex life?
C: Surprise
It is a surprise to me that people can even think that way, can lie so much even to themselves, can take pleasure from causing others pain, can actually be proud of themselves for being a total arsehole
D: Disappointment
It disappoints me that even now you cannot tell the truth; that you can forget so much so easily; that it was all a lie, all just a game to you
E: Hurt
Guess what? – when you think you can feel no more pain, there is always more. To be lied to and used by someone that you have given yourself to is more hurt than anyone should have to feel
F: Anger
I am angry at myself for being a tool; I sometimes feel anger towards Tracey for being a bogan
G: Ironically
Everything I do even now, benefits you in your little game and hurts me even more. Every chance I give you just allows you to tell more lies; I am sick of Tracey time. I will talk to him, the truth will by known one way or the other. This is between us three; if he will not speak to me, I will speak to others. I have given more than enough opportunities for the truth to be told. This cannot continue. You will always be a Victorian
Tuesday 11/11/2008
A: Confusion
Why would someone use someone else who is in love with them?
B: Incredulous confusion
How could you use me to make him jealous?, to get yourself a valentines day present?, to add some excitement to your life?, to distract you?, to improve your ego?, to do most of your study?, to improve your sex life?
C: Surprise
It is a surprise to me that people can even think that way, can lie so much even to themselves, can take pleasure from causing others pain, can actually be proud of themselves for being a total arsehole
D: Disappointment
It disappoints me that even now you cannot tell the truth; that you can forget so much so easily; that it was all a lie, all just a game to you
E: Hurt
Guess what? – when you think you can feel no more pain, there is always more. To be lied to and used by someone that you have given yourself to is more hurt than anyone should have to feel
F: Anger
I am angry at myself for being a tool; I sometimes feel anger towards Tracey for being a bogan
G: Ironically
Everything I do even now, benefits you in your little game and hurts me even more. Every chance I give you just allows you to tell more lies; I am sick of Tracey time. I will talk to him, the truth will by known one way or the other. This is between us three; if he will not speak to me, I will speak to others. I have given more than enough opportunities for the truth to be told. This cannot continue. You will always be a Victorian
Tuesday 11/11/2008
by Luke Warm December 23, 2008
Get the What the fuck?mug. Everyone who is not willing to:
Think for, or be themselves.
Deriving from the word ‘Normal’
While normal has traditionally been considered to be a good thing to be; traditionally people have also clearly been fucktards; just look around you, we have fucked the planet that we live on, not real bright eh!!
Think for, or be themselves.
Deriving from the word ‘Normal’
While normal has traditionally been considered to be a good thing to be; traditionally people have also clearly been fucktards; just look around you, we have fucked the planet that we live on, not real bright eh!!
Norms are everywhere
You don’t have to ‘dare to be different’; if you do that you are just another norm
Be whoever you are (unless you are a Bogan; way too many Bogans out there already)
Stand up for what you believe in
Dress how you want to dress
Listen to the music that you like
Don’t follow or make trends
Give a fuck by not giving a fuck
Express yourself (no, not like Madonna; like you!!)
Tuesday 06/01/2009
You don’t have to ‘dare to be different’; if you do that you are just another norm
Be whoever you are (unless you are a Bogan; way too many Bogans out there already)
Stand up for what you believe in
Dress how you want to dress
Listen to the music that you like
Don’t follow or make trends
Give a fuck by not giving a fuck
Express yourself (no, not like Madonna; like you!!)
Tuesday 06/01/2009
by Luke Warm January 6, 2009
Get the Normsmug. Imagine this senario:
You assertively walk into another room, you are focused, you have a purpose. People stop and stare because they can see you are not taking silver; small animals scurry with fervour away from your approaching footsteps; the clock ticks one last time....
You enter the room, you have reached your destination, the treasure is almost within your grasp; you can almost taste it, you want it oh so bad.
But then...
You have absolutely no idea what you were looking for or why you got off of your hot arse in the first place.
You retrace your steps; try ever so hard to remember what you were even doing, and just keep drawing blanks.
You have just experienced 'The Wanders'
You assertively walk into another room, you are focused, you have a purpose. People stop and stare because they can see you are not taking silver; small animals scurry with fervour away from your approaching footsteps; the clock ticks one last time....
You enter the room, you have reached your destination, the treasure is almost within your grasp; you can almost taste it, you want it oh so bad.
But then...
You have absolutely no idea what you were looking for or why you got off of your hot arse in the first place.
You retrace your steps; try ever so hard to remember what you were even doing, and just keep drawing blanks.
You have just experienced 'The Wanders'
Sandy: What are you looking for Bella?
Bella: Huh?
Sandy: Fair enough
Bella: Sorry boganface, just got the wanders
Sandy: It happens; maybe if you smoke a few Jades you will remember what the fuck you were looking for
Bella: Nah, i got it now; have you seen my lilac dolphin dildo?
Sandy: Ummm... yeah, Im keeping it warm for you
Bella: You are a sick fuck Sandy; definately time for treasure now
Bella: Huh?
Sandy: Fair enough
Bella: Sorry boganface, just got the wanders
Sandy: It happens; maybe if you smoke a few Jades you will remember what the fuck you were looking for
Bella: Nah, i got it now; have you seen my lilac dolphin dildo?
Sandy: Ummm... yeah, Im keeping it warm for you
Bella: You are a sick fuck Sandy; definately time for treasure now
by Luke Warm October 21, 2008
Get the The Wandersmug.