Telepootation

The mysterious phenomenon that occurs only when walking a dog at night, involving poo traveling sometimes several inches, sometimes several feet from where you just saw the dog poop. This phenomenon necessitates a flashlight and a thorough search of the ground before discovering the new location of the poo.

"Good dog, Buddy. Yep. Poop it out. That's right. Okay, just gotta pick this poop up and then we can . . . where did it go? Damn you, telepootation!"

by Little Walnut August 25, 2018

Analgeist

When you suddenly become aware that everyone you know is having anal sex, including you.

"So Mark and I were doing anal last night and––"
"Wait. You're into anal?"
"Yeah! I decided to give it another try!"
"Me too!"
"Me three!"
"Me four!"
"Whoa. It's in the analgeist."

by Little Walnut January 10, 2017

Down in the Trumps

When you feel too depressed to perform basic life functions, and the only explanation is that Donald Trump is your president.

"I just watched twelve videos of baby goats in sweaters to cheer myself up."
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing. Just down in the Trumps."
"Yeah... can you send me those videos?"

by Little Walnut November 21, 2016

Banana Window

The extremely brief window of time––sometimes as short as ten minutes––when a banana is at its perfect level of ripeness.

"You should take a bite of this here banana."

"No thanks. The banana window hasn't opened just yet."

by Little Walnut March 04, 2017

Retail Guilt

What you feel when you watch a documentary about climate change and remember all the crap you just ordered online.

"Wow, this episode of Patriot Act is really disturbing. I had no idea fast fashion was creating so much waste. Hey, are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up."

"Yeah... just thinking about the 10 shirts I don't need that'll be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow and having some serious retail guilt. I'm an asshole."

by Little Walnut December 03, 2019