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Jamie Douglas's definitions

weathergirl

The yummiest of all the Z-list celebrities. To be a weathergirl you must be either blonde or brunette or redhed, and you must be very pretty and have a great body. If you wish to be a weathergirl, being swedish is of benefit but not a requirement. Famous weathergirls include Ulrika Johnson and bald-headed-moustache-man Michael Fish. If you see a weathergirl, steer clear of them as they will have an IQ of roughly 3, and this may cause them to spontaneously combust.
Kevin: "Who's that nobody?"
Phil: "Just some weathergirl."
Kevin: "Hmm, hottie."
by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006
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crushed

When your whole world caves in on top of you (metaphorically or physically), you can be described as being crushed.

You can be crushed by large weights, but the most painful type of 'crushing' for a man is when he is smitten with a young lady over a long period of time (a co-worker or flatmate for example), only to be rejected when he attempts to initate a relationship. Normally a man crushed in such a way will be inconsolable for a few weeks, and will probably never recover. The only way for a man to avoid being crushed in such a way is to avoid ever getting emotionally close to a woman, and as such lead a lonely but un-crushable existance.

Women, being the apostles of Satan, are not crushable in this way. But they are crushable physically.
Richard: "Poor Clinton was knocked back by Julie,"
Samuel: "Yeah, he was crushed."
by Jamie Douglas September 3, 2006
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rubbish head

The most offensive insult in the world.

Especially if you are four.

It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
"That winger missed a sitter, what a rubbish head"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
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sister shot

Golfing term. Means "it's up there, but you're not proud".

When one hits a total duffer, but it trickles along the ground and onto the green, one has hit a sister shot.
"Wow, that sister shot has set you up for par!"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
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running like a Kenyan on speed

Golfing term. When you've totally topped the ball, but it squirts along the ground and goes a bloody mile because of how hard you hit it, your ball is 'running like a Kenyan on speed'.

This derives from the fact that Kenya has a long history of some of the best long distance runners in the world, and the effect that the drug speed has on people.
"You jammy sod, that ball's running like a Kenyan on speed!"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
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xbox tan

A really, really, really, really pasty white skin tone. When someone gets an xbox they invariably spend too much time indoors playing it, and the lack of sunlight they recieve results in a lack of melanin in the skin, turning them albino white.

Hilariously, this insult should be applied to people who through no fault of their own cannot develop a dark tan, such as the elderly, ginger-haired folk and computer nerds who should know better.
Max: "Hey, look at that pasty white guy"
Bubba: "Yep, he's sporting a real xbox tan"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
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cry baby

Contrary to the actual words used, a cry baby neither cries nor is an infant, but is a fully grown adult who whines too much and should know better.

A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.

The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".
Tubs: "Can you believe it, there's no haddock left down the chippy!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
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