Jamie Douglas's definitions
Golfing game. When a man fails to drive the ladies tee-box it is customary to force him to turn his trouser/shorts pockets inside out, unzip his fly, and walk the length of the hole with his johnson out, thus making an elephants image around his crotch.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
"Ooops, failed to make the ladies tee again, you know what that means - elephant golf!"
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
Get the elephant golfmug. An individual talented in all spheres of human endeavour, including but not limited to sports, art, science, war, philosophy and music.
Some renaissance men of great repute include Leonardo Da Vinci and Goethe.
If you try and think of examples of Renaissance men, remember that it is not enough that they have brilliant minds (hence Einstein is out), nor is it enough that they are fine sportsmen (hence no Carl Lewis) or are well hung and virile (so no Shergar) and nor is it sufficient that they are musically gifted (so we omit Beethoven). It is a requirement that they are talented in ALL these areas.
I myself am a renaissance man, as I am a fine athelete, an excellent scholar, have an ear for music a talent for art and a way with the ladies.
Some renaissance men of great repute include Leonardo Da Vinci and Goethe.
If you try and think of examples of Renaissance men, remember that it is not enough that they have brilliant minds (hence Einstein is out), nor is it enough that they are fine sportsmen (hence no Carl Lewis) or are well hung and virile (so no Shergar) and nor is it sufficient that they are musically gifted (so we omit Beethoven). It is a requirement that they are talented in ALL these areas.
I myself am a renaissance man, as I am a fine athelete, an excellent scholar, have an ear for music a talent for art and a way with the ladies.
#1: "What talent that young Douglas lad has!"
#2: "True, he is gifted at sports, academia and the arts."
#1: "Yes, he's a true renaissance man!"
Man: "Hey baby, wanna get a drink - I'm a real renaissance man!"
Woman: "Ooooh, OK!"
#2: "True, he is gifted at sports, academia and the arts."
#1: "Yes, he's a true renaissance man!"
Man: "Hey baby, wanna get a drink - I'm a real renaissance man!"
Woman: "Ooooh, OK!"
by Jamie Douglas December 1, 2006
Get the renaissance manmug. A nightclub frequented by women of low standard who are out to show off there wares in the hope of a sly grope or of making out. These women are normally over 40 or under 18, and most would be mistaken for hookers if they were seen in natural light.
A cattle market is the sort of place that male first year undergraduate students at university go all the time in an effort to get their end away, but this invariably results in the guilty boys leaving the venue with an itch.
The term derives because the women in these clubs are essentially showing themselves off in the hope of being taken home, just as cattle are shown off at cattle markets in the hope of being sold.
A cattle market is the sort of place that male first year undergraduate students at university go all the time in an effort to get their end away, but this invariably results in the guilty boys leaving the venue with an itch.
The term derives because the women in these clubs are essentially showing themselves off in the hope of being taken home, just as cattle are shown off at cattle markets in the hope of being sold.
Bill: "Let's go down Icon and Diva!"
Pete: "We can't go there, it's a right cattle market!"
"Ooh, I was in Creation last night and pulled this slapper - now I have an itch! Serves me right for visiting such a cattle market!"
"Let's go down to Gatecrasher - I hear it's a real cattle market down there!"
Pete: "We can't go there, it's a right cattle market!"
"Ooh, I was in Creation last night and pulled this slapper - now I have an itch! Serves me right for visiting such a cattle market!"
"Let's go down to Gatecrasher - I hear it's a real cattle market down there!"
by Jamie Douglas January 6, 2007
Get the cattle marketmug. The yummiest of all the Z-list celebrities. To be a weathergirl you must be either blonde or brunette or redhed, and you must be very pretty and have a great body. If you wish to be a weathergirl, being swedish is of benefit but not a requirement. Famous weathergirls include Ulrika Johnson and bald-headed-moustache-man Michael Fish. If you see a weathergirl, steer clear of them as they will have an IQ of roughly 3, and this may cause them to spontaneously combust.
by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006
Get the weathergirlmug. The most offensive insult in the world.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
Get the rubbish headmug. 1. Something the airlines use as an excuse to charge you more.
2. A plastic container with words like 'Chicken and Rice', or 'Cottage Pie' printed on the lid, but which contains nothing that could be mistaken for these things.
3. A potent diarrhetic and/or poison. With this feature, aeroplane food was a key weapon during the cold war.
2. A plastic container with words like 'Chicken and Rice', or 'Cottage Pie' printed on the lid, but which contains nothing that could be mistaken for these things.
3. A potent diarrhetic and/or poison. With this feature, aeroplane food was a key weapon during the cold war.
Passenger: "Oh Stewardess, there's a rat in my aeroplane food!"
Flight Stewardess: "No sir, that IS your aeroplane food."
BA, BOAC and Cathay Pacific all serve 'aeroplane food'.
Flight Stewardess: "No sir, that IS your aeroplane food."
BA, BOAC and Cathay Pacific all serve 'aeroplane food'.
by Jamie Douglas December 6, 2006
Get the aeroplane foodmug. Recipe for turkey curry
Ingredients: Turkey, onion, garlic, chillies, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, chicken stock, herbs and spices (fresh coriander, fresh basil, cumin, chilli powder, tumeric, ginger, cinnamon, garam masala).
Directions:
1. Fry off the onions, garlic, chillies and seeds in oil.
2. Add the turkey and sperbs, and cook until the turkey is sealed.
3. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 mins.
4. Serve with rice and more fresh coriander.
Ingredients: Turkey, onion, garlic, chillies, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, chicken stock, herbs and spices (fresh coriander, fresh basil, cumin, chilli powder, tumeric, ginger, cinnamon, garam masala).
Directions:
1. Fry off the onions, garlic, chillies and seeds in oil.
2. Add the turkey and sperbs, and cook until the turkey is sealed.
3. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 mins.
4. Serve with rice and more fresh coriander.
by Jamie Douglas July 7, 2007
Get the sperbsmug.