A town on the northern coast of Oregon that has nothing but old people, hippies, and rednecks. Is a tourist destination in the summer (the whole 2 days worth it gets a year), where the Goonies and some other movie scenes were filmed. Has a boring nightlife, and is about 90 miles north-west of Portland. Gets about 330 days of rain a year. Has a play thats run for 24+ years called Shanghaied in Astoria.
Damn, I wouldn't be caught dead living in Astoria.