Hifalutin!'s definitions
Eliminating the background distractions.
“Denise,” went the text from my boss last Sunday, “when we do the meetup with Amway could you please do a zoom broom on your so-called office -- jettison the vibrators, the pogo stick, the pink silk thingie hanging just on screen. The signed blowup of Bono from ’98 too. We don’t want Chris to think we’re wack. Oh, and could you make sure that snot-nosed Berry doesn’t poke her face in?”
“Shithead,” I replied under my breath, “It’s not Zoom, it’s WebEx. It's not Berry, it's Valley. Plus, I only accept texted managerial counsel of under 10 words.”
To prep for the interview (for the job he didn’t even want, but it would pay for tacos) Panda did a quick zoom broom in the study he “shared” with mama, backlighting the Mac and taking down the hanging hooked rug depicting a bald eagle descending upon a Hudson River ice floe. Darn these Zoom gigs, he thought, feeling pretty sure he’d have to shave his soul patch.
“Shithead,” I replied under my breath, “It’s not Zoom, it’s WebEx. It's not Berry, it's Valley. Plus, I only accept texted managerial counsel of under 10 words.”
To prep for the interview (for the job he didn’t even want, but it would pay for tacos) Panda did a quick zoom broom in the study he “shared” with mama, backlighting the Mac and taking down the hanging hooked rug depicting a bald eagle descending upon a Hudson River ice floe. Darn these Zoom gigs, he thought, feeling pretty sure he’d have to shave his soul patch.
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the Zoom broommug. “Show your belly,” Josefa advises Cheyenne. “Your boss sucks prunes, and that won’t change. Make her think you’re weak and she won’t know what hit her later.”
“But I’m scared,” says Cheyenne. “Who knows what will happen.”
“You will fool her,” reassures Josefa. “You are boss. In showing your belly you will fend off her attack. Go forth and prosper, as some guy said.”
“But I’m scared,” says Cheyenne. “Who knows what will happen.”
“You will fool her,” reassures Josefa. “You are boss. In showing your belly you will fend off her attack. Go forth and prosper, as some guy said.”
by Hifalutin! February 14, 2022
Get the show your bellymug. "Later, Joseph would recall not only the hardships but the small things, the lollipops and mask smiles."
"I used to like flying until it became all slip n sips and mask smiles."
"I used to like flying until it became all slip n sips and mask smiles."
by Hifalutin! January 28, 2022
Get the mask smilesmug. “Everything is absolutely cuppacetic,” swoons Cubby to au pair Natasha from the second Starbucks on the block, his IPhone engrimed with chocochip-scone crumbs. “I’m dead wired on triple green molto frappes. Be home in a few, put Jacob to bed—ta-ta!”
“Cuppacetic!” said Rune, his mania aflame. “I love this place!”
“Get your hand out of my sweater and quaff your quad, you dirty hound,” was the only retort that came to Mamie’s mind.
“Cuppacetic!” said Rune, his mania aflame. “I love this place!”
“Get your hand out of my sweater and quaff your quad, you dirty hound,” was the only retort that came to Mamie’s mind.
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the Cuppaceticmug. “I hated all those bleeping webinars,” snaps Micro, “and the boss would always check the Zoom chat to see who actively attended. Now I beg off with The Big Excuse, saying it’s long-haul and I’m too foggy to grok what’s going on. She was sensitive about it. Ha!”
“Swim meets always drove me bonkers,” says Bailey. “But Cypress cried if I didn’t go – until I duped her with The Big Excuse, saying that mommies who’d had Delta had to stay home and rest, and nanny Martha could support a little princess’s backstroke just fine.”
“Swim meets always drove me bonkers,” says Bailey. “But Cypress cried if I didn’t go – until I duped her with The Big Excuse, saying that mommies who’d had Delta had to stay home and rest, and nanny Martha could support a little princess’s backstroke just fine.”
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the The Big Excusemug. “You should have seen it,” Belinda tells Jack when he picks her up at Sky Harbor. “This douche bag couldn't load Frida and threw a tantrum, ripping off his mask, throwing his phone and storming against the flight attendant.”
“That’s AA Ventertainment!” says Jack blithely. “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Oh,” he adds. “Were there casualties?”
“That’s AA Ventertainment!” says Jack blithely. “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Oh,” he adds. “Were there casualties?”
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the AA Ventertainmentmug. Ursie: I consumed five rather three chocochip cookies every night of the shut-in rather than my usual two — and that was after dessert. But c’est le pudge pandemique! C’est la vie!
Brittini: I grok it totally. I had to move to a 2x at Savage x Fenty—luckily Rocco doesn’t mind a bigger me as long as there’s black lace involved. He says he prefers le pudge pandemique.
“It was just mama and me every night for dinner,” says Panda. “Le pudge pandemique! Crested at 240 pounds.”
Jacko said, “I know, Good One, you’ve raved about her butter chicken, not to mention the naan! I envy your fat rolls. Evelynne and I were scared to step foot in Foodtown, so we ate grape nuts most nights. We’re skeletons.”
Brittini: I grok it totally. I had to move to a 2x at Savage x Fenty—luckily Rocco doesn’t mind a bigger me as long as there’s black lace involved. He says he prefers le pudge pandemique.
“It was just mama and me every night for dinner,” says Panda. “Le pudge pandemique! Crested at 240 pounds.”
Jacko said, “I know, Good One, you’ve raved about her butter chicken, not to mention the naan! I envy your fat rolls. Evelynne and I were scared to step foot in Foodtown, so we ate grape nuts most nights. We’re skeletons.”
by Hifalutin! February 13, 2022
Get the le pudge pandemiquemug.