Hifalutin!'s definitions
“It’s a glitter bomb, what can I say,” tear-streaked Angie apologizes as she steps out of Frank E. Campbell funeral home “– it’s My Nicest Mask.”
“It might only be Spirit,” Guppy explained, “but after postponing this trip for two years I am sure gonna put on My Nicest Mask—and eat any damn in-flight non-GMO peanuts they provide.”
“It might only be Spirit,” Guppy explained, “but after postponing this trip for two years I am sure gonna put on My Nicest Mask—and eat any damn in-flight non-GMO peanuts they provide.”
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the My Nicest Maskmug. “Old man Fauci himself praised my work on the University lab’s bug squad,” lies Elmore. “It’s a shit job, but toxic wastrel’s got to count the spikes to pay the bills.”
by Hifalutin! February 2, 2022
Get the Toxic wastrelmug. A tough season in which you might need a little extra antiseptic assistance, whether mental or physical.
Ms. Jerri left a top seat at Interpol under a cloud but with her head held high: “It’ll pass,” she writes primly in a personal email. “Nothing but a trifling wetsnap.”
“We’re packing for Armageddon,” BooBoo pronounced as he dumped sand out of his shoe. “Marcy, round up the H2O, SPF30plus, wild-sourced grits, a pair of good tweezers and plenty of first-batch Vitamin D in case we hit a wetsnap. I’ll go hotwire the neighbor’s Volvo.”
“We’re packing for Armageddon,” BooBoo pronounced as he dumped sand out of his shoe. “Marcy, round up the H2O, SPF30plus, wild-sourced grits, a pair of good tweezers and plenty of first-batch Vitamin D in case we hit a wetsnap. I’ll go hotwire the neighbor’s Volvo.”
by Hifalutin! February 4, 2022
Get the Wetsnapmug. “Why’d you have to invite James, Jr.,” demanded CocoPuff. “The last thing we need is another coldbody on this cruise.”
“Once upon a time, Sag Harbor softball picnics rocked,” grumbled Big Bess. “Then we merged leagues with the fruits, and in come the Amagansett coldbodies.”
“Water after wine,” agreed The Squid.
“Once upon a time, Sag Harbor softball picnics rocked,” grumbled Big Bess. “Then we merged leagues with the fruits, and in come the Amagansett coldbodies.”
“Water after wine,” agreed The Squid.
by Hifalutin! February 3, 2022
Get the Coldbodymug. Brian took a sip and set his cup down by his chair. He cleared his throat. “Could I get a bit more milk for this?” he queried coffee freak Samantha. “Or some more hot water to dilute it?”
Coffeeshamed again. Then again, Brian was from Tampa.
“They sold me a bag of Komodo Dragon beans by mistake at Starbucks,” fumed Angie, speeding to her home in Appleton Wisconsin. “I wanted Verona! And I’m having the inlaws over for brunch. That stuff is high-fidelity. I know I’ll be coffeeshamed.
Coffeeshamed again. Then again, Brian was from Tampa.
“They sold me a bag of Komodo Dragon beans by mistake at Starbucks,” fumed Angie, speeding to her home in Appleton Wisconsin. “I wanted Verona! And I’m having the inlaws over for brunch. That stuff is high-fidelity. I know I’ll be coffeeshamed.
by Hifalutin! February 21, 2022
Get the Coffeeshamedmug. “How did you sleep?” said Mom, unloading the dishwasher.
“Oh,” said Abigail. “You know. The no-see’ums as usual.” She didn’t want to flip Mom out so she didn’t elaborate: the overdrawn Visa; Jonny’s tuition; her injured shoulder from where the box fell in the Amazon warehouse. But Mom knew anyway. She always knew. She was Mom after all. She was a bear.
Mike stared at the ceiling--two o’clock a.m., and the no-see'ums were at him again, biting. Why had she left him? He was a good guy. Maybe because he couldn’t treat her as lavishly as she wanted. And anyway, everyone was going to die. Perhaps it was that at the bottom. And there was nothing he could do about it. Was there? God was good, wasn’t he? No, said the no-see'ums, there is no God. And all went dark.
“Oh,” said Abigail. “You know. The no-see’ums as usual.” She didn’t want to flip Mom out so she didn’t elaborate: the overdrawn Visa; Jonny’s tuition; her injured shoulder from where the box fell in the Amazon warehouse. But Mom knew anyway. She always knew. She was Mom after all. She was a bear.
Mike stared at the ceiling--two o’clock a.m., and the no-see'ums were at him again, biting. Why had she left him? He was a good guy. Maybe because he couldn’t treat her as lavishly as she wanted. And anyway, everyone was going to die. Perhaps it was that at the bottom. And there was nothing he could do about it. Was there? God was good, wasn’t he? No, said the no-see'ums, there is no God. And all went dark.
by Hifalutin! February 15, 2022
Get the no-see'umsmug. “Welcome,” Panda told Reen, whose watch cap was frosted over with sleet. “Take The Good Chair.” It was mama’s, and lumpy, but had a 'seasonal view' of the Palisades. And mama was out at the live chicken mart.
“I call it!” says Tiger Cub, jumping up and down and further soiling the upholstery with her muddy Vans.
“Get down this minute,” thunders NancyLee. “Grandmaw wouldn’t want you all up in The Good Chair, would she! Now, or you’re gonna get a whupping!”
“I call it!” says Tiger Cub, jumping up and down and further soiling the upholstery with her muddy Vans.
“Get down this minute,” thunders NancyLee. “Grandmaw wouldn’t want you all up in The Good Chair, would she! Now, or you’re gonna get a whupping!”
by Hifalutin! February 18, 2022
Get the The Good Chairmug.