6 definitions by Flash the Squirrel
When you turn on your windscreen washer and some of the water sprays over the roof of your car and splatters on the windscreen of the vehicle behind, causing them to have to do the same thing. In a line of traffic this can result in a major domino effect.
Extra funny when there is a motorbike or cyclist behind you and they get wet and just have to suck it up and take it.
Extra funny when there is a motorbike or cyclist behind you and they get wet and just have to suck it up and take it.
I was backsplattering in traffic and I totally backsplattered this dude on a bike, it was tooooo funny.
by Flash the Squirrel March 25, 2011
Early inhabitants of New Zealand who were supplanted and eventually all but obliterated by Maori, through cannibalism and genocide.
A tall, peaceful, and very dark-skinned race of people, they are often listed as Polynesian, but in fact originated in South America.
They were superb gardeners who grew the kumara, or sweet potato, which was a native of their South American homeland, and taught its cultivation to the later arriving Maori.
What remains of their geneology survives today on the Chatham Islands, to where they were driven from the New Zealand mainland islands, and to where Maori pursued and attempted to annihilate them.
A tall, peaceful, and very dark-skinned race of people, they are often listed as Polynesian, but in fact originated in South America.
They were superb gardeners who grew the kumara, or sweet potato, which was a native of their South American homeland, and taught its cultivation to the later arriving Maori.
What remains of their geneology survives today on the Chatham Islands, to where they were driven from the New Zealand mainland islands, and to where Maori pursued and attempted to annihilate them.
The Moriori predated Maori in inhabiting New Zealand, and are not the same people or part of the same racial grouping.
by Flash the Squirrel August 21, 2010
Early inhabitants of New Zealand's South Island, predating Maori by some 1,200 years. Waitaha also had a presence in the North Island.
Waitaha comprised three different peoples: The Moriori, who at the time were giants, over 1.8m and superb gardeners, able to grow the kumara 1000km further south than in its South American homeland; the Urukehu, a fair-skinned people also known as the Starwalkers who were skilled at reading the geometry of the stars and were the navigators guiding the people to this land; and the Kiritea or Stone people, who came from Asian lands and who carried the greenstone over mountain passes.
Maori gave Waitaha the name "Tangata Whenua" or "People of the Land" before supplanting them and taking the name and title for themselves.
Waitaha comprised three different peoples: The Moriori, who at the time were giants, over 1.8m and superb gardeners, able to grow the kumara 1000km further south than in its South American homeland; the Urukehu, a fair-skinned people also known as the Starwalkers who were skilled at reading the geometry of the stars and were the navigators guiding the people to this land; and the Kiritea or Stone people, who came from Asian lands and who carried the greenstone over mountain passes.
Maori gave Waitaha the name "Tangata Whenua" or "People of the Land" before supplanting them and taking the name and title for themselves.
Waitaha are a non-Maori people who predated Maori occupation in New Zealand, particularly in the South Island.
by Flash the Squirrel August 24, 2010
The primary cause of snoring in men.
When a man lies on his back to sleep, his balls drop over his arsehole, blocking the main south vent and causing vapour lock. The resultant build-up of burps, farts, heavy exhalation fractions, digestive fumes, beer gas, and weed smoke, then has to be vented to atmosphere by alternative means, which requires his gut gremlins to re-route the gases being expelled back through the primary inhalation channel.
Fortunately this is possible because the exhaust gases, being warmer than the incoming air, rise to the upper half of the esophaegus, and the two vapour streams are able to pass each other going opposite directions in the same pipe.
The actual sound of snoring is comprised of millions of tiny gas molecule voices shouting at each other on the way past. The incoming ones are shouting "Oo, poo, you stink," or variations thereof, and the outgoing ones are calling back "fuck you Pinky, you don't know shit and you're gonna get fisted."
Snoring can be avoided completely by the judicious use of a suitable testicle rest which keeps the butthole uncovered and open. Naturally however this means that a man employing such a device tends to fart more in his sleep.
Women don't like us snoring, but they whinge and moan about the alternative as well. This is because they are essentially moaning bitches with penis envy and were born unhappy, but we still love them.
When a man lies on his back to sleep, his balls drop over his arsehole, blocking the main south vent and causing vapour lock. The resultant build-up of burps, farts, heavy exhalation fractions, digestive fumes, beer gas, and weed smoke, then has to be vented to atmosphere by alternative means, which requires his gut gremlins to re-route the gases being expelled back through the primary inhalation channel.
Fortunately this is possible because the exhaust gases, being warmer than the incoming air, rise to the upper half of the esophaegus, and the two vapour streams are able to pass each other going opposite directions in the same pipe.
The actual sound of snoring is comprised of millions of tiny gas molecule voices shouting at each other on the way past. The incoming ones are shouting "Oo, poo, you stink," or variations thereof, and the outgoing ones are calling back "fuck you Pinky, you don't know shit and you're gonna get fisted."
Snoring can be avoided completely by the judicious use of a suitable testicle rest which keeps the butthole uncovered and open. Naturally however this means that a man employing such a device tends to fart more in his sleep.
Women don't like us snoring, but they whinge and moan about the alternative as well. This is because they are essentially moaning bitches with penis envy and were born unhappy, but we still love them.
First woman: "My man is such a pig, whenever he lies on his back to sleep he snores like a walrus chewing a mouthful of wasps."
2nd woman: "He's got vapour lock, silly. I bet he has really big balls."
1st: (blushes) "well, yes, and he can fart like a Trojan too, but only when he's standing up."
2nd: "I wish I had a penis."
1st: "Me too."
(they both sigh)
2nd woman: "He's got vapour lock, silly. I bet he has really big balls."
1st: (blushes) "well, yes, and he can fart like a Trojan too, but only when he's standing up."
2nd: "I wish I had a penis."
1st: "Me too."
(they both sigh)
by Flash the Squirrel March 26, 2013
Largest of New Zealand's three main islands, known colloquially as "The Mainland". It lies between the North Island, a small overcrowded crime-ridden mishapen blob of muddy rock also called the "Pig Island", and Stewart Island, the nuggety wee island of hard-case good types (about the same size and shape as Tenerife) which hangs off the bottom of NZ.
The South Island is approximately 1000km long and 250km wide and has a population of just over 1 million.
The South Island is home to New Zealand's best scenery, skiing, mountains, lakes, rivers, hunting, fishing, 4WD tracks, empty highways, and all the other great things that make the men of a country truly manly.
It also has all New Zealand's best beer (Speight's, Monteiths, and Canterbury Draught), tastiest steak, and most gorgeous women.
The South Island is approximately 1000km long and 250km wide and has a population of just over 1 million.
The South Island is home to New Zealand's best scenery, skiing, mountains, lakes, rivers, hunting, fishing, 4WD tracks, empty highways, and all the other great things that make the men of a country truly manly.
It also has all New Zealand's best beer (Speight's, Monteiths, and Canterbury Draught), tastiest steak, and most gorgeous women.
Smoking hot millionairess foreign super model: "I see that even for a New Zealander, you're incredibly manly, hunky, and rugged, but also funny, and sensitive in the old-fashioned non-gay way."
Average South Island bloke: "Well yeah, I'm from the South Island."
Foreign etc: (swoons) "Take me to your island paradise and let me have your babies!"
SI guy (checks out her superb rack): "Well, maybe. Can you cook?"
Average South Island bloke: "Well yeah, I'm from the South Island."
Foreign etc: (swoons) "Take me to your island paradise and let me have your babies!"
SI guy (checks out her superb rack): "Well, maybe. Can you cook?"
by Flash the Squirrel February 21, 2011
Early settlers of New Zealand, often wrongly described as 'native' or 'indigenous'. There are no people native or indigenous to the New Zealand islands. Everyone arrived by boat in one form or another, very recently in human and geological terms, and Maori were by no means the first.
The word "Maori" was coined by Maori themselves to differentiate them from the white people (or 'Pakeha') who arrived after them from Britain, Australia, America, and Europe. The word has been defined as meaning "ordinary" or "normal" people. It did not exist in pre-European New Zealand, where the various tribes knew themselves and one another by individual family and tribal names.
Maori are generally accepted to have been in residence in New Zealand since around 1200 - 1300 AD.
Maori are said to be a Polynesian race, although parts of their geneology have been traced to Taiwan and China, and there are other influences from as far away as Egypt and Sri Lanka. Some East Coast tribes from the North Island possess Portugese genetic markers.
Much of the truth of the origins of Maori is muddied by the editing of history to suit contemporary politics, and by the intermingling of Maori bloodlines with those of the peoples they found already living in New Zealand upon their own arrival.
The word "Maori" was coined by Maori themselves to differentiate them from the white people (or 'Pakeha') who arrived after them from Britain, Australia, America, and Europe. The word has been defined as meaning "ordinary" or "normal" people. It did not exist in pre-European New Zealand, where the various tribes knew themselves and one another by individual family and tribal names.
Maori are generally accepted to have been in residence in New Zealand since around 1200 - 1300 AD.
Maori are said to be a Polynesian race, although parts of their geneology have been traced to Taiwan and China, and there are other influences from as far away as Egypt and Sri Lanka. Some East Coast tribes from the North Island possess Portugese genetic markers.
Much of the truth of the origins of Maori is muddied by the editing of history to suit contemporary politics, and by the intermingling of Maori bloodlines with those of the peoples they found already living in New Zealand upon their own arrival.
First British Naval Officer: "We have made a Treaty with the Maori, Sir. All New Zealand land now belongs to us."
Second British Naval Officer: "Excellent. Release the Hounds."
First etc.: "Aye aye, Sir. More rum, Sir?"
Second etc.: "Abso-bloody-lutely. And bring me a Maori wench. I'm tired of all this Naval arse-buggery, never mind how traditional it is. It smacks of homosexuality, if you ask me."
First: "Very good Sir."
Second British Naval Officer: "Excellent. Release the Hounds."
First etc.: "Aye aye, Sir. More rum, Sir?"
Second etc.: "Abso-bloody-lutely. And bring me a Maori wench. I'm tired of all this Naval arse-buggery, never mind how traditional it is. It smacks of homosexuality, if you ask me."
First: "Very good Sir."
by Flash the Squirrel August 21, 2010