5 definitions by Filth Wizard

Top Definition
To excrete with such volume and vehemence but distinctly intermittent chunk formation, that to an external observer it would appear as though a very brown game of tetris is taking place.
I had a bad case of the shits on Tuesday. My ass was spitting tetris down the u-bend.
by Filth Wizard October 05, 2007
1. Mild slang implying ineptitude, particularly with regard to poor driving, originating on the road to Salisbury.

2. Also used to describe unattractive women who appear hot at distance.
1.Alright numptcakes, it takes two to Tandy. Bitches.

2. Jones: Christ on a stick, look at that fine piece of ass!
Gorman: Sit tight friend, that's no fine piece of ass. Take a closer look.
Jones: Dear god, you're right. It's a numptcake. Run!
by Filth Wizard September 26, 2007
An office game involving industrial kettles and masturbation. The aim of the game is to enter the office kitchen when no one's about and nut one out into the giant kettle, or urn, which dispenses boiling water for tasty warm beverages, without getting caught.

If you succeed, you gain the satisfaction of knowing people are supping on your jizz, and the respect of your co-workers who are also in on the game. If you fail, you are probably fired.
Jones: Why are you clearing your desk?
Gorman: I got caught urn yearning again.
Jones: I didn't. Enjoy your coffee poindexter.
by Filth Wizard May 20, 2008
The nefarious and perverse act of standing a reasonable distance behind your doubled-over and unsuspecting partner, taking a run up and rifling your sack completely into her anus shouting "CANNONBALL!!!" at the last possible moment. Having knocked her to the ground with your scrotal barrage, proceed to jack off over her back while sitting balls deep on her ass and taunt her by singing shanties. Works best if she's just taken a shower because she'll be prepped, and then have to take another shower after you've demonstrated your pirate-like domination.
Theresa had just got out of the shower when Francois skidded round the corner and launched his nuts with hi-def explosive power into her rectal cavern, heroically crying "CANNONBALL!!!" and then nutted one out all up her back and in her hair. With his cannonballing mission complete, Francois knew the world was safe again.
by Filth Wizard August 27, 2008
To get a girl in the mood and totally gagging for it. Then, when the time is right, go in for the kiss, but at the last minute, say "I will never ever ever sleep with you in my entire life" and headbutt her in the face. Walk away laughing.
I was worried Christine was getting the wrong idea, so I performed a textbook hylton-smith fakeup to make my feelings clear.
by Filth Wizard November 27, 2008
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