Fearman's definitions
Actually written before the Revolution, by the Okhrana or secret police of the old Tsarist regime, round about the year 1900. Popularised by the later Communist leadership, the Nazis and others. Up there with the environmentalist "Chief Seattle" speech, the volley of excuses for the 2003 war in Iraq, Piltdown Man and the Donation of Constantine as one of the great fakes of history.
If you are suffering from insomnia, might I recommend you read this copy of the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion?
by Fearman July 14, 2007
Get the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zionmug. Invented by Bob Kane in 1940. Coolest superhero in American comic book history (the Incredible Hulk probably comes in a discreet second). Batman's real-life alter ego is billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne. When summoned to crime-ridden Gotham City by the Batsignal (a batlike silhouette within a searchlight beam, shining onto those perpetually dense clouds) he proceeds to de-scum the place like nobody else. Often has at least one delightfully camp side-kick, but generally works best alone.
Unforgettable scene from Tim Burton's 1988 movie ..,
(BATMAN dangles HOOD over side of 23-storey building)
Batman:
I'm not going to harm you. I want you to do something. I want you to tell all your friends who I am.
Hood (howling in fear):
WHO ARE YOU?!?
(Batman pulls the Hood in about an inch from his masked face.)
Batman:
I'm Batman.
(He throws the Hood down on the flat roof behind them. Long before the criminal has regained a fraction of his composure, Batman has disappeared into the shadows.)
(BATMAN dangles HOOD over side of 23-storey building)
Batman:
I'm not going to harm you. I want you to do something. I want you to tell all your friends who I am.
Hood (howling in fear):
WHO ARE YOU?!?
(Batman pulls the Hood in about an inch from his masked face.)
Batman:
I'm Batman.
(He throws the Hood down on the flat roof behind them. Long before the criminal has regained a fraction of his composure, Batman has disappeared into the shadows.)
by Fearman October 23, 2007
Get the batmanmug. Branch of the sciences with which everyone is of course familiar and which already has coffee-table books devoted to it, but which has yet to be satisfactorily defined. It is therefore incredibly easy to award yourself a doctorate in duttyology. In a postmodern world in particular, duttyologists can multiply like rabbits.
As soon as I had even heard of the word, I had instantly awarded myself an advanced doctorate with honours in duttyology.
by Fearman November 19, 2007
Get the duttyologymug. by Fearman August 7, 2007
Get the come in six-packsmug. Pronounced "chum-ling". Inventing detailed rules of etiquette out of whole cloth in an attempt to help people put on airs, or to put them on oneself. From a 1980s magazine advert purporting to show how best to consume certain fashionable wafery mints. A sad waste of what often could have been a brilliant imagination. May be intended satirically, although never of course taken that way by devoted etiquette freaks.
by Fearman March 4, 2008
Get the Cholmondellingmug. The opposite of Christideuteronoleviticality, which is the corruption of the message of the pale (Jewish) Galilean by the 1500-year-older blatherings of a group of psychotic priests who should have done posterity a great big favour and gone out and gotten shagged a whole lot more often.
by Fearman January 5, 2008
Get the Christihomoalitymug. Someone so obsessed with the minutiae of lower-middle-class good manners that they utterly miss the point of the exercise. The name of the game for these people is not showing consideration for others at all, but merely showing off their own upward mobility in the most vulgar way possible. There are few people more annoying than etiquette freaks, who themselves typically flout the most elementary standards of civilised behaviour every chance they get. A typical etiquette freak would be the character of Hyacinth Bouquet in "Keeping Up Appearances".
There is of course an entire industry of books and other sources supplying the requirements of etiquette freaks, often including such nuggets of folk wisdom as the following, in a book by Angela Lansbury (presumably not the actress): "A lady only has her name in the paper on three occasions in her life: when she is born, when she marries and when she dies."
There is of course an entire industry of books and other sources supplying the requirements of etiquette freaks, often including such nuggets of folk wisdom as the following, in a book by Angela Lansbury (presumably not the actress): "A lady only has her name in the paper on three occasions in her life: when she is born, when she marries and when she dies."
An etiquette freak will always endeavour to have as many different varieties of knives, forks and spoons for their guests as possible at a dinner party. Preferably all laid out at the same time.
by Fearman August 7, 2007
Get the etiquette freakmug.