An oral cumshot, preferably while deep-throating.
My girlfriend told me that she needed a cough drop...I got it right in her throat.
Any statement that is intended to not have any feedback, output, or response to it. They aren't usually meant to be funny, but when they are, they're normally just considered sarcasm, and are left trailing off.
A) Damn it's hot outside.
B) I know.
A) Thanks for responding, that was a rhetorical statement.
A) Wow, that chick has huge...
A) Killed it, B.
The theory that states (or implies) that college girls say that their "perfect man" is nice, and treats them like a woman; however, all college girls actually enjoy being mistreated in every way except for being cheated on (secretly, every human knows that women crave attention, whether or not they show it or not).
Jon: What the hell, man? I've always been nice to Erica, and she knows I like her. I even bought her earrings with her chocolate and roses for Valentine's day. But she never really acknowledged me...until recently. I've just been ignoring her and not paying attention to her. Now she texts me just to say hi.
Brian: Yea, it's the college girl theory in full effect. She misses the attention, and is now more attracted to you than ever.
The lie that was told about the origin of drinking alcohol. The truth: Alcohol was created by a cult of fatally unattractive women who were tired of being ignored.
Over 500 years ago, ugly women were ignored, just as they are today. They were, however, smart enough to concoct a drink with chemicals that caused men to think they were attractive...or in the least, not as ugly as they really were. Ever since then, the chemical has been effectively ruining the lives and reputations of good-tasted (straight) men everywhere. This is known as the Alcohol Conspiracy.
When you are taking a deuce in public, and someone walks into the bathroom, so you close your cheeks with all your might. Of course, when the bathroom is empty, your bowels explode your shit outward at Mach 3.
I was taking a shit yesterday at Applebee's, and somebody walks in. So I get toilet tension and seize up my ass. So this guy left, and it was just me. So I explode my ass, and shortly after, I hear someone flush a urinal...I guess someone walked in when the other guy walked out...
Any reflex that girls have (much more common with spazzes), in which they let out a high-pitched scream, jump back unnecessarily, hit someone/something, etc. In all cases, it is just an overreaction to something simple.
"Hey, did you see me scare Brittany over there?"
"Yea, but her sheflexes reacted, and she kicked you in the balls."
An acronym, that is conveniently pronounced. It stands for The-Ugliest-Girl-I've-Ever-Seen. My personal TUGIES was discovered in the Spring of 2006 at Tualatin High.
(True Story) Bobby, that's the girl that I was telling you about! It's T.U.G.I.E.S.! (Bobby vomits in his mouth and swallows it)