1) A TV host that annoyed the public with various "comedy" set ups and who also made a small fortune from showing clips of people falling over and hurting themselves. He has a small hand - a deformation from God to remind us all that we shouldn't profit from others misfortune.
2) When you have been dealt a Jeremy Beadle in a card game you have been dealt a bad hand. See above.
A traumatised wannabe terrorist has been told to prove his faith by shooting his grandmother in the face and is now standing over the body with a smoking gun in his hand...
Jeremy Beadle jumps out from a bin, dressed as a terrorist:
"Ha ha..Got you..it was a fake gun there Tommy, it was a set up"
Tommy: "Shit, I used my own gun. I killed my grandmother for nothing..."
Jeremy Beadle: "My hand hurts.."
The pinnacle song from bizarre early 90's techno-pop outfit 2 Unlimited featuring a truely awful chorus of "No no, no no no no, no no no no, no there's no limits".
The act was made up of Dutch rapper Ray Slijngaard and fit singer Anita Doth.
The irony was thay were very limited...but Anita would get it!
Ray: Hey Anita, I need another word for this chorus...its just not flowing well.
Ray: Brilliant! Is there no limits to your talent?
Anita: No. Well, actually, yes.
A drinking game played by those in the know, Ninjas and visionaries.
The game requires several players, alcohol and a pack of cards.
After the initial "initiation" rounds, the players are left with four dealt cards and then enter The Square Of Death - which is ALWAYS marked by all players making an outline of a square with both hands then mimicking the cutting of their own throats.
The square of death is made of a 4 x 4 square of cards and each card carries a differing level of drink penalty or nomination.
There are no winners....just very drunken players.
Legend has it that Elvis, George Best, Ollie Reed and Jimi Hendrix are actually still locked in a game of Square of Death and have not actually died at all.
JFK's head exploded when he thought back to the game of Square of Death he had played the previous night.
Pilot: Hey, our flight is pushed back 2 hours...whuddya wanna do?
Co-Pilot: Square of Death?
Pilot: Good call.
Part of the outrageous radio show - The Chris Morris Radio Show on Radio 1 (UK) - where, in one show, satirist Chris Morris (see The Day Today, Brasseye, Blue Jam) persuades his radio sidekick to borrow (steal) a baby from London's Oxford Street and take it back to the studio. It is then tied to two large helium ballons and tea strainers placed over its eyes in an attempt to make it look like The Fly. A game then ensues where the, now floating, baby is batted over the mixing desk with large spoons. The game is known as Big Spoon Baby Balloon and is soon to be an Olympic event.
Dude: I'm bored babysitting...lets play a game!
Patrick Bateman: Ok. But what will we play? Mind if I stick on my Huey Lewis CD by the way?
Dude: Yeah..go for it. Gimmie those balloons over...lets make this wee fucker fly! I'll teach him to shit on my couch!
Patrick Bateman: Cool... Big spoon baby balloon!! 1 nil!
Dude: What's with the axe....?
A popular pastime enjoyed by young and old alike.
You must first pick your animal or person to wheel barrow then pour lighter fluid on its face. Set this alight and then raise the animals back legs up, insert your hard cock, and run as far along a rural (or motorway for those city slickers)road as you can before the animal dies, stops running on its front legs and starts to turn into mince as you push it along the road.
Sheep are often used due to their accomodating height and durable build. You can get five times further along the road wheelbarroing a sheep as compared to a sheep dog.
Tourist: (Driving along an unlight country road with his family in his people carrier) Honey, what the hell is that coming towards us?
Honey: It...it..it seems to be a man wheelbarrowing a sheep?!
Tourist: Get your camera ready kids!
Honey: I'm gay. I want a divorce.