73 definitions by Carl Willis
n. A fundamentalist Christian outreach concept, in which the intent is to "debunk" science with the word of scripture. Its most vocal adherents are southern and mid-western U.S. evangelical protestants (see Bible Thumper.) Creation "scientists" try to convince "unsaved" people that the Earth was formed in a Creation that took place at the hands of Almighty God a few thousand years ago, and hope their evidence will convert a few of these "unsaved" people to the faith.
Some key tenets of Creation Science:
--Scientists (the real ones) are going to Hell, where they will burn forever for blasphemy of the Holy Word of God.
--"Evolution" is a scam to trick us into believing that wholesome, white Christians have common ancestry with apes and chimps and (oh no, please no...) black people! Evolution is the Devil's Theory (yes, it is just a theory).
--Hell is real, full of sulfur, and it exists in the center of the Earth. (Most persons on Earth will be summarily cast into this Lake of Fire when we pass away.)
Unfortunately, unlike real scientists, Creation Scientists face a non-existent job market. Most find work in blue-collar manufacturing jobs, or else provide for their families by huntin' sqwirls, 'coons and o-possum. Their hobbies range from watching NASCAR, to whippin' the kids, to attending Klan and CCC rallies. Prrrraise Jesus!
Some key tenets of Creation Science:
--Scientists (the real ones) are going to Hell, where they will burn forever for blasphemy of the Holy Word of God.
--"Evolution" is a scam to trick us into believing that wholesome, white Christians have common ancestry with apes and chimps and (oh no, please no...) black people! Evolution is the Devil's Theory (yes, it is just a theory).
--Hell is real, full of sulfur, and it exists in the center of the Earth. (Most persons on Earth will be summarily cast into this Lake of Fire when we pass away.)
Unfortunately, unlike real scientists, Creation Scientists face a non-existent job market. Most find work in blue-collar manufacturing jobs, or else provide for their families by huntin' sqwirls, 'coons and o-possum. Their hobbies range from watching NASCAR, to whippin' the kids, to attending Klan and CCC rallies. Prrrraise Jesus!
Question: How old is this part of the Grand Canyon?
Scientist: This formation is about five million years old, according to our best uranium-lead dating...
Creation Scientist: Them there canyon ain't no more 'n' maybe 4000 years ole,' and if you done believe otherwise, you're a Hellbound sinner, praise the Lord! Now please op'n' all yawl's Bibles to Genesis, Chapter Six and let us remind ourselves of the word of God...
Scientist: This formation is about five million years old, according to our best uranium-lead dating...
Creation Scientist: Them there canyon ain't no more 'n' maybe 4000 years ole,' and if you done believe otherwise, you're a Hellbound sinner, praise the Lord! Now please op'n' all yawl's Bibles to Genesis, Chapter Six and let us remind ourselves of the word of God...
by Carl Willis December 15, 2004
n. A female who provides sexual services in exchange for rocks of crack cocaine, upon which she is physiologically dependent.
Daequon's bitch a crack ho--you gotta git out the rock before you can git out the cock, dogg. Dat's just how it works.
by Carl Willis February 11, 2004
v. To "get your shit in one sock" means to get organized, to "pull yourself together," to regain your composure. Having to use more than one sock to hold a given volume of feces is considered wasteful and inefficient, if by careful planning a single sock would do the trick. Thus, the essence of this phrase is a metaphor for thriftiness.
"Listen: you've been absent from class five days, you never turn in your homework on time, you refuse to take your Ritalin like a good boy, and your foul language is out of control! It is time to sit down one-on-one with the guidance counselor and get your shit in one sock, young man."
by Carl Willis November 7, 2005
"After a spate of insurgent attacks, leadership was fed up and decided it was time to wash down the streets of Fallujah with a lead hose. A Humvee-mounted M2 0.50 cal was used on the men at the mosque, while a M134 minigun was chosen to neutralize the women and children in the market. According to FOX News, several insurgents may have been killed in the defensive action."
by Carl Willis June 29, 2006
DaLonte, whatup holmes! I saw yo pops be hustlin' crack up on Fifth and Lee, so he musta got his ass paroled or somethin'.
You gonna hafta take dat shit up wif Pops, 'cause girl, I sho-as-hell don't give a damn!
You gonna hafta take dat shit up wif Pops, 'cause girl, I sho-as-hell don't give a damn!
by Carl Willis May 1, 2004
adj. Euphemism applying to persons who have a handicap, particularly a behavioral or mental inadequacy. Can be found in the phrase "differently abled," which means (let's face it), "disabled." To be "different" in the most widely-used sense of the term is a bad thing; it means you are retarded. Cf. special, short bus.
Kid: Bobby is incredibly stupid and clumsy, Mr. Mackey.
School Counselor: Son, let's not think those bad thoughts! Bobby is...different. He's just a little "differently abled" from you or I, m'kay? We can't use our language to take water out of his bucket.
Kid: You mean to say he is retarded and rides the short bus.
Counselor: Now, "retarded" is a word that they used back in Germany in the 1930's, but we have moved past that now haven't we...
School Counselor: Son, let's not think those bad thoughts! Bobby is...different. He's just a little "differently abled" from you or I, m'kay? We can't use our language to take water out of his bucket.
Kid: You mean to say he is retarded and rides the short bus.
Counselor: Now, "retarded" is a word that they used back in Germany in the 1930's, but we have moved past that now haven't we...
by Carl Willis August 25, 2004
Proper noun. The 42nd President of the United States, William Jefferson Clinton. This nickname speaks to Clinton's continuing political clout, reputation for deftness and skill as a politician, and vaunted ability to campaign for Democratic candidates. If you can't run with The Big Dog, you need to stay on the porch, motherfucker!
"Down in the polls, Lieberman tried to call in The Big Dog to rescue his moribund campaign against Lamont. Problem is, The Big Dog only supports Democrats."
by Carl Willis October 24, 2006