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Cap'n Bullmoose's definitions

fart

The mating call of the corn holing faggot.
When one poofter hears another one fart, he responds, either with a fart of his own or verbally.
Rowdy Texas poofters call out "Chow Time!"
High-class poofters say, "Dinner Call!"
Not wanting to waste a lot of time talking, Armistead traipsed into a gay bar, lifted his leg a trifle, and blasted out a tremendous fart. The stentorian trumpet call echoed through the room and drew many approving glances.

Tex hollered "Hot damn! He's brought out the big guns!"

Lemony minced over to Armistead, bent over, and spoke sweet words to his arse:

Hail to thee, blithe Spirit!
Bird thou never wert
That from Heaven, or near it,
Pourest thy full heart
In profuse strains of unpremeditated art.

He inhaled through his nose, loud and long, then continued,

Like a rose embowered
In its own green leaves,
By warm winds deflowered,
Till the scent it gives.

"You'll do fine," said Armistead as he took Lemony's fluttering wrist and escorted him from the bar.
by Cap'n Bullmoose November 11, 2006
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.45-70

The .45-70 is a very old, very large rifle cartridge. The fine lever action Marlin model 1895 is chambered for the .45-70. The typical factory load has a 400 grain flat tipped or hollow point bullet. This is a fine cartridge for white-tail and mule deer, elk, moose, bison, and bears of all kinds.
The .45-70 is also a wonderful cartridge for use in the city. The large, heavy bullet makes effective kills on Bloods, Crips, Pachucos, and other slime-ball vermin. With the standard open sights on a Marlin 1895, you can easily grease a greaser at 300 feet -- far out of range of the kinds of guns criminals carry.
You do not have to worry about Crips or Pachukes getting their greasy hands on a .45-70 rifle to shoot back. First, pantywaist liberals in big cities do not own .45-70 rifles, so punks can't steal them. Second, inner city hoodlum slimes all fire guns by holding them on their side at arm's length. If a Pachuco tries that with a .45-70, he will bust all his teeth and his greasy nose too.
Belt Mountain Enterprises makes a "punch bullet" in .45-70. A punch bullet will go through a moose, a bear, or a bison from end to end. It will just as easily go through 11 or 12 Bloods. After it comes out of the last criminal, it will splat against a building, destroying all identifying rifle marks. With a good .45-70 carbine and punch bullets, you can begin cleaning up the neighborhood this afternoon. But be aware that pantywaist liberals hate punch bullets almost as much as they hate guns.
Position yourself correctly in the street, and you can get 8 or 9 low riders with one .45-70 punch bullet.
While Greasy Ramon was taking a dump in front of the bank, he got shot in the ass with a .45-70.
by Cap'n Bullmoose October 30, 2007
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boogar man

A big, scary, ugly, mean monster who lives in your closet, or under your bed, or maybe out in the woods, and who will jump out and scare you half to death.
Portagee women love to scare their children with the booger man.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 23, 2005
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Italian dinner jacket

A man's sleeveless undershirt. White, or at least once-white.

Also called IDJ or an Italian tuxedo.
Bruno wore his Italian dinner jacket to Angelo and Carla's wedding.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 23, 2005
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blow your lunch

To puke. To vomit. To spend a while driving the porcelain bus. To expell the contents of your stomach violently.
Leonardo de Crappio is so effeminate, he makes me want to puke.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 19, 2005
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fleabag

Ermal and Billie Sue stayed in all the fleabags along Route 66.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 21, 2005
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chogie

1. A very loud fart. A binderfender.

2. To walk very quickly.
Judy let a great big chogie in class today.

I'm going to chogie on down to the Piggly Wiggly and get a pack of smokes.
by Cap'n Bullmoose April 23, 2005
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