Today I want to talk about "Spanking the Monkey". The term is used as a euphemism for male masturbation. It is generally only used between close friends and not toward a person of authority. The history behind the phrase is a mystery, no one quite knows how it came to be. It does not have a direct relationship to the actual act. The phrase indicates that your penis is a monkey and that it has been very bad.
"Last night I spanked my monkey 8 times."
"If you keep spanking your monkey like that, you'll go blind and grow hair on your palms."
"Fornification Under Consent of King". Used in England during the 15th century to denote having permission to have sex. It was implemented in an attempt to slow down the population growth, as the number of people living in England at the time was quickly approaching the limit that the country could support. Not only was the over-population causing problems with crime, if the population had continued to grow at a steady rate, the country would have been forced to file for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy.
"My lord, I have come to you to get a license for F.U.C.K."
"Denied, I will have no ugly people reproducing in my kingdom!"