3 definitions by The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu
Spenglish - Special English, spoken or written by those who cannot, or will not, speak English properly.
The unhappy result of some damn fool raping the English language, you don't need to be foreign to do it, as many of my own countrymen (and ladies) mangle our language too (whether they are drunk or merely illiterate remains to be seen).
Spenglish is not to be confused with simple bad grammar, this is gobbledegook taken to a whole new level of "what the fuck did I just read/hear?"
A verbatim sample of Spenglish from an anonymous review of a video game on Amazon UK:
"main soon bay this game is soo expenciwe 59 pound .sory i play in ps3 and i not bay this game yet beckouse is to expencive .i not shure whay game for xbox is very expencive???????? a normal main soon xbox have jast 4 gb memory and console is cleary but if i try instaling this game coming me error for memory i conect extra hard drive nader 40 pound if your have standard xbox sleam look before bay beckouse this game nit place in hard drive .
is panick now for this game beckouse is new but try finked before bay now this game 50 pound is very expenciwe"
Drunk? Foreign? Thick as shit?
The unhappy result of some damn fool raping the English language, you don't need to be foreign to do it, as many of my own countrymen (and ladies) mangle our language too (whether they are drunk or merely illiterate remains to be seen).
Spenglish is not to be confused with simple bad grammar, this is gobbledegook taken to a whole new level of "what the fuck did I just read/hear?"
A verbatim sample of Spenglish from an anonymous review of a video game on Amazon UK:
"main soon bay this game is soo expenciwe 59 pound .sory i play in ps3 and i not bay this game yet beckouse is to expencive .i not shure whay game for xbox is very expencive???????? a normal main soon xbox have jast 4 gb memory and console is cleary but if i try instaling this game coming me error for memory i conect extra hard drive nader 40 pound if your have standard xbox sleam look before bay beckouse this game nit place in hard drive .
is panick now for this game beckouse is new but try finked before bay now this game 50 pound is very expenciwe"
Drunk? Foreign? Thick as shit?
Me: "Goddamn it Arthur, is it not time you put down that stained and sticky wank mag and learned to speak the Queen's English man? You are forty-five not fourteen!"
Arthur: "Wgdblfbh hrfhpsj rhpflj rsjfpj soierhosf ozijdohsp!"
Me: "Here's a scrabble set - eat the tiles, go for a shit and I'll read the results because it will make more sense than the Spenglish that just dribbled out of your mouth like verbal diarrhoea, you complete and utter imbecile."
Arthur: "Wgdblfbh hrfhpsj rhpflj rsjfpj soierhosf ozijdohsp!"
Me: "Here's a scrabble set - eat the tiles, go for a shit and I'll read the results because it will make more sense than the Spenglish that just dribbled out of your mouth like verbal diarrhoea, you complete and utter imbecile."
by The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu August 20, 2014
A cancerous polyp on the metaphorical anus of the UK.
Males usually in tracksuits and baseball caps, legs of the same said tracksuits tucked into the socks. The speculation is that it reduces "drag" when running away from the police.
Females can be observed herding many children, rarely the offspring will know who their father is or even have the same one.
The proper arena for proof of paternity for the chav is the Jeremy Kyle show as long as the chav makes sure on the day that they have greasy hair, a vile attitude and less than ten teeth.
The female of the species most commonly wear giant hoop earrings which can be seen from low earth orbiting spacecraft. The Essex facelift hairstyle is preferred, the hair pulled so tightly back from the face that the smallest facial expression becomes impossible.
Lots of gold tinted jewellery is a must have accessory. Argos is the desired outlet for these tawdry baubles of chav office, the more gaudy the "bling" as it is known, the higher the chav ranking.
The male example of a chav will be comfiest when with 10 or more of his kind, usually loitering outside corner shops and fast food outlets spitting and drinking cans of Fosters or Carling, verbally abusing passers by.
But only when with his brethren do we see the cocky attitude and foul mouth of the chav. That is of course if you can actually understand what he is saying as to the rest of humanity it sounds like the grunting and squawking of pigs being tortured to death.
Males usually in tracksuits and baseball caps, legs of the same said tracksuits tucked into the socks. The speculation is that it reduces "drag" when running away from the police.
Females can be observed herding many children, rarely the offspring will know who their father is or even have the same one.
The proper arena for proof of paternity for the chav is the Jeremy Kyle show as long as the chav makes sure on the day that they have greasy hair, a vile attitude and less than ten teeth.
The female of the species most commonly wear giant hoop earrings which can be seen from low earth orbiting spacecraft. The Essex facelift hairstyle is preferred, the hair pulled so tightly back from the face that the smallest facial expression becomes impossible.
Lots of gold tinted jewellery is a must have accessory. Argos is the desired outlet for these tawdry baubles of chav office, the more gaudy the "bling" as it is known, the higher the chav ranking.
The male example of a chav will be comfiest when with 10 or more of his kind, usually loitering outside corner shops and fast food outlets spitting and drinking cans of Fosters or Carling, verbally abusing passers by.
But only when with his brethren do we see the cocky attitude and foul mouth of the chav. That is of course if you can actually understand what he is saying as to the rest of humanity it sounds like the grunting and squawking of pigs being tortured to death.
Imchavinitblud
by The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu August 16, 2010
Talentless kid who hasn't gone through puberty-sounds like a cat being strangled when he sings.
Poisonous to the eardrums of anyone over the age of 13 or anyone who has started their periods-whichever comes first.
A crime against music and musicians but will only have a shelf life of a couple of years max before the next talentless annoying kid comes along with some more sugary pap songs that only a 10 year old would love.
Actually that's not fair-some 10 year olds do have good music taste, just not the pre pubescent Bieber fans.
Poisonous to the eardrums of anyone over the age of 13 or anyone who has started their periods-whichever comes first.
A crime against music and musicians but will only have a shelf life of a couple of years max before the next talentless annoying kid comes along with some more sugary pap songs that only a 10 year old would love.
Actually that's not fair-some 10 year olds do have good music taste, just not the pre pubescent Bieber fans.
Sorry I can't appreciate Justin Bieber, I haven't had my frontal lobotomy yet, we'll talk again when I have had my brain removed and I am as senseless as you.
Or not as I am not a musical retard.
Or not as I am not a musical retard.
by The Cuttlefish of Cthulhu August 16, 2010