sphinctoral dilator 

A medicinal/mechanical item used to reduce/eliminate embarrassing noisy farts in public. Just like a bronchial dilator, it serves to further widen/open a bodily "pipe", but just at (ahem!) the "other end of the equation". Having this artificially-unrestricted "exit" permits any produced methane to be immediately vented in a continuous and "silent" outflow, rather than the gas's being internally bottled up in an increasingly-pressurized "pocket", eventually to come blasting out in a horrid raspy spluttering explosive expulsion that either greatly offends or uproariously amuses everyone within earshot, and causes acute humiliation to the unfortunate farter, especially if his whizzpoppers are especially odiferous and/or frequent.

Baked-beans-and-stewed-cabbage-loving dude: Wearing my specially-designed sphinctoral dilator (a three-inch-long thick-walled aluminum tube with smoothly-rounded screw-threads for easier insertion) isn't exactly the most comfy experience, but it sure beats the offended glares and/or derisive snickers from others that I used to get whenever I'd venture out in public after a big meal.

sphinctoral dilator by QuacksO July 3, 2018