Produced 1975-2011
The flagship full-size sedan of the
Mercury marque for the entirety of its lifetime that remained almost completely unchanged from 1983 onward. It was the
mid-level variant of the
Ford panther platform, positioned between the Ford Crown Victoria (LTD) and Lincoln Town
Car as a moderately upscale body-on-frame, V8 engined, six-passenger sedan. It was largely marketed toward an elderly demographic that appreciated its decidedly traditional appeal and didn'
t want to see it changed. Eventually, however, the generation who had kept it in production (and, realistically, the entire
Mercury brand for that matter) died off and only a small but fierce band of metro hipster cucks and southern hicks remained to petition its inexorable demise.
Notable features included: genuine fake wood inserts on every
single interior dash and
door panel, superbly soft dual bench seats for elderly keisters, a chrome-clad three or four
speed automatic transmission column-shifter for ease of usage by arthritis-afflicted hands, a capacious trunk to be used for nothing other than hauling bags of hand-crocheted doilies, and an utterly isolating suspension and power-steering system to prevent intrusion of any kind from the outside world during the weekly twenty kilometer per hour joyride to the
bingo hall.
Phyllis used to own a blue '99 Mercury Grand Marquis--that is, until she backed it into the Sears display
window. Her family always said that
car was too much for an old
woman to handle.
