blogger's disease
A sub-variant of Unwarranted Self Importance (USI) widely seen among the Internet-going population. Became common once everybody from your Grandma to your kindergarten teacher realized they could create a blog/Facebook page/YouTube channel where they could inflict their opinions on those unlucky enough to wander by with zero consequences or monetary cost.
In days past, the disease was restricted to ranting street preachers, and was limited by factors such as the price of soap-boxes and copy paper, and the generally low levels of give a shit present in the pre-Internet population
Symptoms consist of:
1) assuming that people on the Internet like you and the things you say, when most are actually indifferent at best
2) projecting your narrow interests on to people who don't share them, then confusing their bored silence for approval
3) producing content which focuses mostly on shallow appeals for approval, instead of actually informing, challenging or entertaining
4) cultivating a small clique of like-minded Internet goers, which (despite representing a microscopic fraction of the population as a whole) you then cite as proof that you're "kind of a big deal"
Treatment includes:
1) deleting the offending Facebook/YouTube/blog pages
2) re-connecting with real life friends and family over shared activities
3) rediscovering that nobody on the Internet really cares that much about your life, your cat, or what you had for dinner today (even the people that say they do)
In days past, the disease was restricted to ranting street preachers, and was limited by factors such as the price of soap-boxes and copy paper, and the generally low levels of give a shit present in the pre-Internet population
Symptoms consist of:
1) assuming that people on the Internet like you and the things you say, when most are actually indifferent at best
2) projecting your narrow interests on to people who don't share them, then confusing their bored silence for approval
3) producing content which focuses mostly on shallow appeals for approval, instead of actually informing, challenging or entertaining
4) cultivating a small clique of like-minded Internet goers, which (despite representing a microscopic fraction of the population as a whole) you then cite as proof that you're "kind of a big deal"
Treatment includes:
1) deleting the offending Facebook/YouTube/blog pages
2) re-connecting with real life friends and family over shared activities
3) rediscovering that nobody on the Internet really cares that much about your life, your cat, or what you had for dinner today (even the people that say they do)
Doctor: "Yes, I was afraid of this...it's Blogger's Disease. And a bad case, too. I've seen it a hundred times."
Patient: "My God, is there any cure?"
Doctor: "Yes there is... but I'm afraid you won't like it. It might require you to be less of a douche. It may require you to interact with the physical world. Are you prepared to handle it?
Patient: "Whatever it takes, Doctor."
Doctor: *smashes laptop to pieces with a hammer*
Patient: "My God, is there any cure?"
Doctor: "Yes there is... but I'm afraid you won't like it. It might require you to be less of a douche. It may require you to interact with the physical world. Are you prepared to handle it?
Patient: "Whatever it takes, Doctor."
Doctor: *smashes laptop to pieces with a hammer*
blogger's disease by Baroque T. Frankenheimer January 21, 2014
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