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A kind of stink insect. Shield bugs have glands in their thorax which produce a polluted liquid (semen). This liquid is used to ruin purity and virginity in female primates. The face of the shield bug is made of plaster of Paris, and has no known function. Bandages impregnated with shield bug larva have zero added medicinal benefit and may retard healing processes. However, smearing shield bug antennae onto knuckles is an effective treatment for peripheral nerve damage.
Shield bugs have also been used to smuggle cocaine across the Mexico-U.S. border. Cocaine powder is mixed with shield bug ejaculant and sculpted. On May 12, 2009, a 7.6 pound crucifix cocaine sculpture was affixed to the back of a shield bug and successfully transported across the border.
The shield bug skin is sometimes worn in Boxborough, PA as a dress shirt for less casual occasions.
As Dean attempted to squeeze into a pair of 28W slimmer-leg jeans, he hopped backwards and unintentionally smashed a fucking shield bug into the granite floor.

Marge: “Hey Joe, look at that shield bug!”
Joe: “Prick.”

Haggs was considered a major player, until a shield bug finger fucked his fiancée.
by Shawn Fennerty February 22, 2011
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