Shield bug 

A kind of stink insect. Shield bugs have glands in their thorax which produce a polluted liquid (semen). This liquid is used to ruin purity and virginity in female primates. The face of the shield bug is made of plaster of Paris, and has no known function. Bandages impregnated with shield bug larva have zero added medicinal benefit and may retard healing processes. However, smearing shield bug antennae onto knuckles is an effective treatment for peripheral nerve damage.
Shield bugs have also been used to smuggle cocaine across the Mexico-U.S. border. Cocaine powder is mixed with shield bug ejaculant and sculpted. On May 12, 2009, a 7.6 pound crucifix cocaine sculpture was affixed to the back of a shield bug and successfully transported across the border.
The shield bug skin is sometimes worn in Boxborough, PA as a dress shirt for less casual occasions.

As Dean attempted to squeeze into a pair of 28W slimmer-leg jeans, he hopped backwards and unintentionally smashed a fucking shield bug into the granite floor.

Marge: “Hey Joe, look at that shield bug!”
Joe: “Prick.”

Haggs was considered a major player, until a shield bug finger fucked his fiancée.

Shield bug by Shawn Fennerty March 9, 2011

Michigan Bug Shield 

When you apply a pair of ski goggles onto your partners face, then proceed to spray fart with your butt aimed directly at their eyes. When they take off their goggles, they will have what appears to be a silhouette of the Michigan Bug Shield

Did you see Zach when he woke up? Janet totally gave him a Michigan Bug Shield last night.

Michigan Bug Shield by Mike Poundtown September 1, 2010