The quickest way to pull off a self-assification? Making an ass of yourself. Faking a massive bowel movement.

"After being asked to clean the yard, I did some self - assification by telling them I had explosive diarrhea."

"I had to work my self - assification to get out of cleaning the toilet yesterday"

phone: why don’t you go to sleep tommy it’s 2 in the morning?
tommy:why don’t you die you dumbazz