n. - One who thrives on besting anyone else's joy or shame, with anecdotal evidence (stories) of how their own experiences/possessions are better in any and all ways.
The oneupsman cannot be reasoned with, only trapped in a state up "oneupsmania."
The oneupsman cannot be reasoned with, only trapped in a state up "oneupsmania."
Guy 1: Man, today was so cool, I saw a rainbow.
Guy 2: Yeah, that's nice. I saw a double rainbow.
Caution: Do not attempt to one-up the oneupsman, or a parastoltic chain reaction of oneupsmanship can occur.
Guy 1: Oh really, because I saw it on a beach this morning when I found a clam with a pearl inside.
Guy 2: Oh man, that's so cool, because I was out there yesterday, and found enough pearls to make a necklace, while not ending my sentences in prepositions.
At this point, the oneupsman will descend into "oneupsmania" if provoked any further. The only way to win is to walk away, or attempt to trap them in a logical fallacy.
Guy 1: So, why did you leave any pearls out there? It seems odd that you missed one.
Guy 2: Well, there were so many, I didn't want to take them all, that would be selfish.
Guy 1: True, true. I think the longest string of pearls i've ever seen was about a foot long.
Guy 2: I've seen one two feet long.
Guy 1: Great, so why didn't you want to make one even longer?
Guy 2: ......<Head A'splode>
Guy 2: Yeah, that's nice. I saw a double rainbow.
Caution: Do not attempt to one-up the oneupsman, or a parastoltic chain reaction of oneupsmanship can occur.
Guy 1: Oh really, because I saw it on a beach this morning when I found a clam with a pearl inside.
Guy 2: Oh man, that's so cool, because I was out there yesterday, and found enough pearls to make a necklace, while not ending my sentences in prepositions.
At this point, the oneupsman will descend into "oneupsmania" if provoked any further. The only way to win is to walk away, or attempt to trap them in a logical fallacy.
Guy 1: So, why did you leave any pearls out there? It seems odd that you missed one.
Guy 2: Well, there were so many, I didn't want to take them all, that would be selfish.
Guy 1: True, true. I think the longest string of pearls i've ever seen was about a foot long.
Guy 2: I've seen one two feet long.
Guy 1: Great, so why didn't you want to make one even longer?
Guy 2: ......<Head A'splode>
by Wilson W March 16, 2011
Get the Oneupsman mug.An obsession with the lives of others, combined with an extreme inferiority complex, resulting in a mental disorder that requires the sufferer (the Oneupman) to constantly feel the need to prove his or her self to anyone who will pay attention.
The boasts and claims of the Oneupman are actually a cry for help from an unconfident person who believes they are great simply for completing ordinary tasks faster than anyone else, possessing a higher number of certain items than anyone else, or for doing anything a higher number of times than anyone else. Sadly, the Oneupman is still stuck at the 'my dad is stronger than yours' stage of mental development.
The Oneupman never chooses a specialized activity to compete with, since they have very little special knowledge and simple 'accomplishments' appeal to them most, such as driving faster than you, eating more than you, and guessing how a movie ends before it ends. It should be noted that being the best is not the focus, the Oneupman is only interested in being better than YOU. They need others to compete with and prove themselves against, since they can't feel good unless someone feels bad.
Tellingly, the Oneupman will only compete with people they know, since competing with strangers whose skills they aren't familiar with may expose their weakness, which is the greatest fear of the Oneupman.
The boasts and claims of the Oneupman are actually a cry for help from an unconfident person who believes they are great simply for completing ordinary tasks faster than anyone else, possessing a higher number of certain items than anyone else, or for doing anything a higher number of times than anyone else. Sadly, the Oneupman is still stuck at the 'my dad is stronger than yours' stage of mental development.
The Oneupman never chooses a specialized activity to compete with, since they have very little special knowledge and simple 'accomplishments' appeal to them most, such as driving faster than you, eating more than you, and guessing how a movie ends before it ends. It should be noted that being the best is not the focus, the Oneupman is only interested in being better than YOU. They need others to compete with and prove themselves against, since they can't feel good unless someone feels bad.
Tellingly, the Oneupman will only compete with people they know, since competing with strangers whose skills they aren't familiar with may expose their weakness, which is the greatest fear of the Oneupman.
"Ok, in order to survive, we must both take one of these pills, and no more than one!"
"Oh yeah?? Well, I can take TWO, that's one more than you!"
"If you take two, you'll die, you idiot! This is not the time to practice Oneupmanship!"
"Oh, so you think I'm just average like you?? No way, I'm _______ (insert name here), I once _______ (insert exaggerated, unprovable claim here), I can handle two pills, ok?? Gimme those!!!"
Oneupman takes two pills and dies.
"Oh yeah?? Well, I can take TWO, that's one more than you!"
"If you take two, you'll die, you idiot! This is not the time to practice Oneupmanship!"
"Oh, so you think I'm just average like you?? No way, I'm _______ (insert name here), I once _______ (insert exaggerated, unprovable claim here), I can handle two pills, ok?? Gimme those!!!"
Oneupman takes two pills and dies.
by Grackle June 5, 2009
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noun. The act or quality of being better, i.e. to "one-up" another. Someone with highly honed oneupsmanship is able to easily, elegantly and constantly one-up those around him or her. Frequently viewed with hostility and suspicion by those with poor onesupsmanship. Can lead to arrogance and condescension if overused.
Person A: I just bought a new car! It has a V8, it's so fast!
Person B (exhibiting fine oneupsmanship): I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was just polishing my Enzo Ferrari and I didn't hear you.
Person B (exhibiting fine oneupsmanship): I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was just polishing my Enzo Ferrari and I didn't hear you.
by we@y April 6, 2009
Get the Oneupsmanship mug.forwarding urban dictionary terms back and forth with a pal, each trying to outdo the other in sending the wittiest or raunchiest term.
I sent "girthquake" to Charlie but he sent back "butt weenie." I'm gonna send that pecker head "cum bread" and win this urban oneupmanship!
by LaLaLander17 March 2, 2009
Get the urban oneupmanship mug.A specific variant of oneupmanship whereby two people compete over who upset whom the most. This process can spiral out of control when successive descriptions of why one party is upset causes the other party ever greater upset, thus passing the upset back and forth until upsetmageddon is achieved.
by Nigeywigey June 15, 2018
Get the oneupsetmanship mug.It is what happens when two or more small dogs climb over each other on their owner's lap for affection and attention.
by solitaireman65 November 9, 2025
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