Noob's Opening 

A chess opening using by noobs/newbs etc who think they know how to play the game, but actually lack the fundemental understanding and intelligence necessary for chess. The opening consists of:

1. e4 e5
2. Qh5 ...

At which poing if White is allowed to take the Black e5 pawn with the Q it is a very strong position for him, especially as it comes with Check. This is known as the Noob Opening position. However, Black simply plays:

...Nc6

to guard the pawn. The typical noob will then play:

3. Bc4

With a threat of check mate with Qxf7. However, Black then plays:

...g6

After which the noob will play:

4. Qf3

This is the Uber-Noob's Opening position. After Black's next move of:

...Nf6

White's "attack" is over and Black has an enormous lead in development.

So in summary, the noob believes he is going to get a fast check-mate with Qxf7, but any black player worth their while will quicky avoid this and gain an enormous lead in piece development and in most cases will force the White Q all the way back to its starting square: hence a complete waste of time.

The Noob's Opening is typically played by gobby teenage chess players who will talk trash during the game to try and distract the other player.

Noob's Opening by BoomBox ChavCar October 4, 2009