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Macterbation

Macterbation (mack-tur-bait-shun) or Macterbating (verb) Is the act of obsessing yourself in apple products to the point you damn near bust a nut. So deep in MacBook Pros, iPads, iPhones, that it's become a major part of your life tinkering with apple products. Literally to the point of suspected viagra abuse because your friends are concerned over the fact that you spend hours on end in front of a laptop, tv, tablet or cellphone with a mega huge raging boner. This is a serious condition and there will probably be some sort of walk for it one of these days... Be ready.
You walk in to see your bro shacked up in bed; laptop on chest surfing Steve Jobs memorial websites, apple tv "airplaying" off the iPhone in the background, crushing the book on a tablet no more than a fingers "poke" away and blaring iTunes (probably the beetles or bob dylan) in the pitch black dark of your parents basement totin' a black turtle neck tee and maybe sipping a pinot grigio. Straight up Macterbation sesh
by Brozay Cuervo March 28, 2012
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Comedic Masturbation

When you are so funny by yourself that you laugh out loud without any participation by a partner.

Progresses from a small grin to a smile to a quiet giggle and then quickly reaches the climactic event of an audible belly laugh, or LOL. Following climax, tissue is often used to dry resulting wetness occuring in the ocular region.
My humor is not always understood by others and I frequently find myself involuntarily engaging in comedic masturbation.
by K-Rista-Raaah July 22, 2016
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Bureaucratic Masturbation

noun - 1. Engaging in any activity for the sake of making one feel better about themselves, their organization, or their company without actually accomplishing anything. 2. Holding meetings to provide recommendations only to have management do what they wanted in the first place. 3. Holding special work group meetings to make the 'little people' feel ownership, when the decision has already been made by higher levels of management.
My boss has picked me to suffer through more Bureaucratic Masturbation, representing the department on a policy work group.
I spent the last 3 months researching the best candidate for the position and the Boss picked his pet employee anyway. God I hat Bureaucratic Masturbation!
by Bill Koogler January 17, 2008
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Masturbation guilt

The sense of guilt you feel post-masturbation when you realized what you have just jerked yourself off to.
"Oh God, what have I done? I did not just masturbate to bestiality.. talk about masturbation guilt.
by GunaDK January 19, 2012
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Public Masturbation

I definitely should not have participated in Public masturbation on that subway.
by thepseudonymousbosch February 21, 2017
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Masturbation Marathon

An exceptionally long episode of masturbation fits. These episodes are usually brought on by sexual deprivation and bordom; however, and I'm not making this up, they have been used a means of fundraising for sexual related causes such as safe sex. A masturbation marathon is a strenuous event that requires disciplined training and preparation. There are several related subcatagories such as time, ejaculation distance, and most orgasms for both male and female competitors (I'm totally serious - google it).
Hillary's return brought an end to Bill's 72 hour masturbation marathon.
by Face_Bones August 29, 2013
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Social Media Masturbation

"Liking" your own post on Facebook or retweeting your own tweet on Twitter
"I look so awesome today" - Liking this comment with a thumbs up beneath it on Facebook or retweeting comment on Twitter is Social Media Masturbation.
by Mistress Weber April 16, 2011
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