All-Star Houston Astros outfielder/first baseman. Amazing player. Once hit a baseball out of the ballpark. While playing in the Astrodome. Also known as the Big Puma. Has a career OPS of one billion. Can out-A-Rod A-Rod (and, in this context, to "A-Rod" means to be a really good hitter, not be a really shitty clutch player). He can replace "Casey" in "Casey at the Bat," only he wouldn't strike out if he were the subject of the poem.
"Hey, Joe BaseballAnalyst, who would you want up to the plate with runners on, down by one, with two outs, in the bottom of the ninth, in the seventh game of the World Series?" - Joe GuyWhoActuallyKnowsBaseball

"I would want David Ortiz. Such a clutch player." - Joe BaseballAnalyst

"No, you dumbfuck! You would want Lance Berkman. The Big Puma is awesome. Besides, "clutch" doesn't exist!" - Joe GuyWhoActuallyKnowsBaseball
by David T. W. May 22, 2008
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