Masturbating
Choking the
chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Taking matters into your own hands
Squeezing the cream from the flesh
twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed,
blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."