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You can't handle the truth! Son, we live on a site that has forums. And those forums have to be guarded by mods with ban buttons. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Paulie? We have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for FF2 and you curse the Hampurites. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what we know: that FF2's banishment, while tragic, probably saved revenue. And our existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, creates revenue...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want us in the Hampur. You need us in the Hampur.

We use words like dootz, penile dysfunction, WLF...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. We have neither the time nor the inclination to explain ourselves to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of Lolzas we provide, then questions the manner in which we provide it! We'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, we suggest you put on a zebra thong and stand a post. Either way, we don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!
This is my Hampur. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My Hampur is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My Hampur, without me, is useless. Without my Hampur, I am useless. I must fire my Hampur true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will...

My Hampur and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit...

My Hampur is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights and its barrel. I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes and my heart against damage. I will keep my Hampur clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God, I swear this creed. My Hampur and myself are the defenders of JI. We are the masters of our enemy (ie: ghey Patsies). We are the saviors of my life. So be it, until victory is Jets' and there is no enemy, but peace!
by Buzz-saw October 26, 2010
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