(n.): A majestic nitwit inexplicably entrusted with authority. A corporate mirage of competence, promoted well beyond his abilities due to confident nodding, strategic coffee runs, and the uncanny knack for repeating what others just said, louder. Primary talents include delivering brain-cell-melting remarks, wheezing after light chewing, and preparing English muffin pizzas with the confidence of a Michelin chef and the skill of a distracted raccoon. Self-declared as “the brightest mind of his era,” though routinely outmaneuvered by a Mr. Coffee and once lost a staring contest with a screensaver. Surrounded by a loyal cult of "illuminaires" (a.k.a. the mentally vacant and ambitiously incompetent) who applaud his every utterance and compliment his offensively large watch collection. If spotted in the wild, do not approach. Toss a handful of M&M’s in the opposite direction and walk away while he’s distracted.
Armed with nothing but a PowerPoint he's never seen, a laser pointer, and unchecked confidence, Frank F unveiled his quarterly strategy: 'Less Data, More Cowbell' - a bold inversion that earned a standing ovation from his illuminaires, who mistook confusion for innovation once again.
by Frankie_says_relax June 17, 2025
(n.): A majestic nitwit inexplicably entrusted with authority. A corporate mirage of competence, promoted well beyond his abilities due to confident nodding, strategic bathroom breaks, and the uncanny knack for repeating what others just said, louder. Primary talents include delivering brain-cell-melting remarks, wheezing after light chewing, and preparing English muffin pizzas with the confidence of a Michelin chef and the skill of a distracted raccoon. Self-declared as “the brightest mind of his era,” though routinely outmaneuvered by a Mr. Coffee and once lost a staring contest with a screensaver. Surrounded by a loyal cult of "illuminaires" (a.k.a. the mentally vacant and ambitiously incompetent) who applaud his every utterance and compliment his offensively large watch collection. If spotted in the wild, do not approach. Toss a handful of M&M’s in the opposite direction and walk away while he’s distracted.
Armed with nothing but a PowerPoint he's never seen, a laser pointer, and unchecked confidence, Frank F unveiled his quarterly strategy: 'Less Data, More Cowbell' - a bold inversion that earned a standing ovation from his illuminaires, who mistook confusion for innovation once again.
by Frankie_says_relax June 17, 2025