Extreme Eugene Kanning 

The extreme version of the popular sport, Eugene Kanning. A Canadian past time originating from the deep woodlands of Eugene, British Columbia. The home of hobbits, elves and the occasional mogwai.

Akin to Arena Football, this athletic activity consists of a bag of rice, one goat, the tears of Britney Spears, and a lonely obese British girl with questionable taste in men. The game is played over a period of five hours and the winner gains the affection and hand of a fair maiden that has ripened with age. Leading to a life of scattered happiness, broken dreams and premature balding on the chest and left thigh. The latter causing the end of a bright future in Bollywood. This game should only be played thirty minutes after eating and never on an empty stomach. Instagramming every other second is a necessity. Memes are recommended. Never run with scissors at the pool.

76% of all Asian males that have gone Extreme Eugene Kanning have developed a rare case of Huxtabate Syndrome.

As an impressionable youth in the heyday of the American depression, I was a dedicated fan of Extreme Eugene Kanning. The Canadian sport taught me the ins and outs of puberty, bench presses and how to win at Jenga. I later learned that the matches were faked and Hulk Hogan used steroids. It hurt my soul, but I still watch Extreme Eugene Kanning matches on ESPN every Spring. It reminds me of the day I learned how to use chopsticks and proposed to my wife.

Extreme Eugene Kanning by pinkamigo November 24, 2014