Dildo Hammer 

1. A disrespectful name one lesbian has for her partner, implying she is nothing more than a pair of hands that operates the business end of a dildo.

2. A person who keeps a cigar in their mouth all day, but does not smoke said cigar. Most likely this person fantasizes about having a penis in their mouth but have not yet admitted to themselves that they are, in fact, a flaming faggot.

ex. 1: Hey Sandy, isn't that your girlfriend Sarah over there?

No, she's just my dildo hammer.

ex. 2: Why does that fucker have a goddamn cigar in his mouth all day? It looks like a limp penis with dog slobber all over it. He's such a dildo hammer.

Dildo Hammer by Harold M. North March 22, 2010

Dildo hammer 

That guy at work who strokes another guy's ego when he fucks up beyond explanation.

Ole dildo hammer is feeding Gary a line because he crashed the crane and can't fucking deal!

Dildo hammer by Boceefus June 18, 2021

Spunky Dildohammer 

Obtain a jar of japanese mayonnaise and slather your stale hawt dawg with it. Tell your blind or visually impaired sexin' woman that you're gonna pleasure her with a dildo and butt plug. Lube up a dildo and butt plug in front of her. Stuff the butt plug in her beaver and jam your mayonnaised schlong into her mudflaps. She'll think it's the dildo, til you squirt your baby gravy in there. Then thwap your shrinking dong on her breasts. You must eat half of a Wild Berry Pop Tart during this process, and when you've finished jam the other half into her fuzzy cumdumpster.

Tom Selleck: hey babe want me to rub my moustache on you tonight?
Someone's Mom: Nah. I'm in the mood for plastic tonight.
Tom Selleck: PREPARE TO BE PULVERIZED!
(5 min. later)
Someone's mom: OMG that wasn't a dildo! That was a Spunky Dildohammer
Tom Selleck: I know.

Spunky Dildohammer by Murdertrainacomin September 29, 2010