Armand Van Der Merew is a category 9 big boi with massive tiddies. If provoked, will call upon the gods of "tsa mina mina eh eh", to chase you down with looming missiles that progress faster and faster until they impact you in the rectum. Once the rectumus missiles have met their fate inside your rectum you will be completely immobilized. He will then grow long muscular legs that allow him to run at you with speeds unimaginable to the average person. While running, he will be engaged in clapping mode, where his cheeks constantly clap in order to disperse the heat and friction coming from his ground thumping legs. By the time that behemoth of an absolute unit is close enough to reach you, he will make one big LEAP into the air, do a summersault, and absolutely crush you with his vibrating buttocks.
Oh man, I sure hope I don't get chased down by that absolute unit this time, sheeesh. One more rectumus missile from Armand Van Der Merew, and I'm as good as a vegetable.
by Jason with a C July 26, 2023